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Today, my friends decided it would be funny to engage the child locks on the rear doors of my SUV. My SUV has a bolted cage for the dog separating the front from the back. Guess who was locked in their own car for 2 hours? FML

#7194644
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24406) - you deserved it (3900)

On 01/07/2010 at 3:31am - animals - by Archie (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

#7162537
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21688) - you deserved it (3340)

On 01/05/2010 at 11:22am - intimacy - by me (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that I have been declared dead by my credit card company in England because I haven't used it since I moved to Thailand last year. I will need three witnesses to convince them that I am actually alive. FML

#7167765
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27163) - you deserved it (2201)

On 01/05/2010 at 7:02pm - money - by Arsinoe (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, I had a rare phone call from my ex-girlfriend. We ended up talking for hours about old times. It was the best conversation we have had in forever, it made me miss her and miss us. Later on in the day, she called back asking what we talked about. She was too high too remember. FML

#7121282
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35508) - you deserved it (3673)

On 01/03/2010 at 4:56am - love - by CP19JK12KH (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had a completely improvised audition for the school play. The director called me and one of the cutest guys auditioning to improvise an intimate scene. Knowing that I'm a complete klutz, I wasn't all that surprised when I tripped over my feet and landed with my face in his crotch. He was. FML

#7582501
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24970) - you deserved it (3555)

On 01/26/2010 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML

#7234085
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17979) - you deserved it (4277)

On 01/09/2010 at 10:56am - intimacy - by bjfail (woman) - United Kingdom (North Yorkshire)

Today, at work, one of my 6 year old students who has had intense speech therapy since kindergarten, told me "I can tell you're hot, because you rolled your sleeves up." I was very pleased with his articulate sentence, until he said "Your arms are hairy." FML

#14063291
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19347) - you deserved it (3806)

On 12/02/2010 at 7:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got fired over MSN. I wasn't even online at the time. FML

#13694009
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23595) - you deserved it (2474)

On 11/02/2010 at 10:16pm - work - by werewolfoflondon (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was going out to my car with my sister's birthday present. I slipped on some ice and the present fell to the ground. I spent an hour wrapping it. I could hear the present break. I had gotten her $200 wine glasses. I then had to run to the nearest store and get her a CD instead. FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he has "commitment issues". He said he "cared" for me but didn't "love" me. He did this 30 minutes after we'd hooked up and said we loved each other. FML

#7669897
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18515) - you deserved it (4567)

On 01/29/2010 at 9:14am - intimacy - by rejected (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was excited to hear that I received three of my grad school recommendations in the mail from a very busy professor. They need to be submitted sealed, and of course, my nosy mom decided to open them. FML

#13785439
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32713) - you deserved it (2309)

On 11/10/2010 at 12:30am - misc - by dcsunshine (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I have been crushing on for 2 years. At the end of the date he tells me that he is moving away and as his going away present, I could pay for dinner. FML

#8547609
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28868) - you deserved it (2771)

On 02/22/2010 at 6:28am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML

#8541185
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23836) - you deserved it (2849)

On 02/22/2010 at 12:44am - health - by Username - United States



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