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Today, I was riding my motorcycle when I saw my cheating ex-wife walking down the road. Out of anger, I spat my gum at her. I forgot that my helmet's visor was still down, so when I spat, the gum stuck against it. I was temporarily blinded and I crashed into some bushes. FML

#4142743
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11906) - you deserved it (70043)

On 07/29/2009 at 8:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, an old friend that I never really liked invited me to lunch while she was in town. While driving back to her car, I couldn't find my phone, so she offered to call it. She found it under the passenger seat and also saw that when she called, her name came up as "Sabrina-IGNORE". FML

#5480779
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7059) - you deserved it (56390)

On 09/26/2009 at 4:05am - misc - by veggocake (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is because he hasn't gotten laid in a year. I'm his only female friend, and the entire time he talked to me, he stared at my chest. FML

#5923040
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20325) - you deserved it (3327)

On 10/20/2009 at 11:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend called and said he was stopping by to talk. I didn't understand why he would stop by, so I asked if he was going to break up with me, he said no. Half an hour later, he knocked on my door to break up with me. FML

#5635869
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35473) - you deserved it (5187)

On 10/04/2009 at 2:13am - love - by helplesslover (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by punching through a piece of old drywall karate kid-style. As it turns out, the drywall was actually a thin piece of concrete. I now have a busted hand and a girlfriend with a new story to tell all her friends. FML

#5059729
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6757) - you deserved it (45257)

On 09/05/2009 at 12:22pm - misc - by BadassNinja (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had a long, meaningful telephone conversation. After hanging up, I realized I hadn't had such a great conversation in a long time. Who was it with? The Dell Customer Support guy. FML

#5081613
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32901) - you deserved it (5036)

On 09/06/2009 at 1:27pm - misc - by asdfjkl (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I woke up from a nap on my new bed to see my phone lit up with new texts. My friend sent out "Wanna test out my new bed?" as a mass text while I was asleep to every boy in my phone. Mark will be here in an hour, Jon wants to know what I'm wearing, and my ex's new girlfriend is not amused. FML

#5378920
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37030) - you deserved it (3450)

On 09/20/2009 at 7:19pm - misc - by Anathema_360 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my sister that I thought I was pregnant, and that she was the only person I had called. Immediately after I hung up the phone I got a text saying, "OMG my sister thinks she's pregnant!" FML

Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML

#6065888
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33444) - you deserved it (1792)

On 10/30/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by seriousdubsteplover (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my condo board refused to lift the new policy requiring pet owners to carry dogs in common areas because someone's dog is peeing in the hall. I can't physically carry my two dogs, so I'm now forced to wheel them through the building in a borrowed baby stroller. FML

#6351761
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27495) - you deserved it (3414)

On 11/18/2009 at 4:50am - animals - by Slivered - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a new CD player for my car and an alarm installed for added security. After work, I saw my windows smashed, the CD player gone, the alarm wires cut, and a note that said, "Try again." FML

#6243414
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32201) - you deserved it (2253)

On 11/10/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML

#6322729
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17330) - you deserved it (34504)

On 11/16/2009 at 2:32am - love - by Manstobe92 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, as I was waking up, I let out a huge morning fart. When I open my eyes, I realized that I was crashing at a friends place with four other people. Yep, they all heard. FML

#6191720
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10715) - you deserved it (29411)

On 11/07/2009 at 2:16am - misc - by munnyfish (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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