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Today, the cops showed up at our door at 11 pm. Apparently, our neighbours thought I was being abused because they heard high-pitched screaming for 45 minutes straight. Little did they know our 6-month-old baby screams when she's happy. Loudly. FML

Today, I had to get a colonoscopy. Which wouldn't have been so bad if they had removed the camera from my rectum before waking me up. FML

#21395025
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28232) - you deserved it (1915)

On 04/17/2015 at 12:56am - health - by Camera - United States (California)

Today, my boss told me I ask too many questions and that's why they cut my hours in half. Officially, I'm a "Pharmacy Technician in Training", which means I'm trying to teach myself how to do the job without killing someone. All from on the job experience and an outdated textbook. FML

#21402730
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27804) - you deserved it (2250)

On 05/01/2015 at 2:12am - work - by PharmSlave (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit on the carpet. I thought it was just a clever ruse to get me into the living room for a birthday surprise. It wasn't. There really was dog shit that I had to clean up, with no "Happy birthday"s even uttered. FML

#21397338
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30510) - you deserved it (2433)

On 04/21/2015 at 8:51am - animals - by 21ShitCleaner - United States (California)

Today, I realized that my relationship has hit a new low when I made an appointment with my girlfriend to have sex. I have a two week wait. FML

#21415031
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24576) - you deserved it (3743)

On 05/24/2015 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by ugh - United States (Michigan)

Today, I'm on holiday, but my alarm clock isn't. It rang at 6 o'clock. FML

#213
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11169) - you deserved it (41406)

On 11/05/2008 at 2:35am - misc - by Fsd - France (Franche-Comte)

Today, on my first day at a new job, my boss asked how old I was. I replied, "Eighteen." She responded that she was my age thirty years ago, which makes her the same age as my mum. When I told her, she gave me a puzzled look, so I repeated myself. She was my age thirteen years ago, not thirty. FML

#245
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24722) - you deserved it (12717)

On 11/07/2008 at 10:33am - work - by Ulysse - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch a porn film on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear. It wasn't until she came out of her bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML

#296
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9643) - you deserved it (52778)

On 11/13/2008 at 5:31am - intimacy - by Skylan - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to Target to buy some soap and this 65-70 year old woman next to me was asking a sales associate if they had any bubble bath mix. I suddenly pictured her naked, bathing herself and suddenly my dick just couldn't sit still. It's probably because I haven't had sex in over 22 months. FML

#2281
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26911) - you deserved it (10880)

On 01/23/2009 at 3:36am - intimacy - by fecurtis - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML

#2738
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6994) - you deserved it (61626)

On 01/26/2009 at 8:17pm - misc - by crazyvulva9216 - United States (California)

Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the camera moved up I realized it was my mom and my step-dad. FML

#11602
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12239) - you deserved it (47846)

On 02/06/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my friend sent me a link about a nine year old kid who wrote an iPhone app that gets 2000 downloads per week. I am a 28 year old software developer and have been failing to write an iPhone app for months. FML

#14095
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31313) - you deserved it (5622)

On 02/07/2009 at 10:06pm - misc - by dinosaur (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML

#30273
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22067) - you deserved it (50160)

On 02/12/2009 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Evil_Egbert (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)



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