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Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML

#21192088
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49920) - you deserved it (3678)

On 06/29/2014 at 12:16am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I got the same feeling in my chest when I orgasmed as when I hit a hard section in Guitar Hero. FML

#21187067
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36956) - you deserved it (7455)

On 06/24/2014 at 8:07pm - intimacy - by massachusettsan (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my vibrator was in another room and I was too lazy to get it. I was also too lazy to do it manually. It's like I've been married to myself for too long. FML

Today, I found my husband in the bathtub, which was filled with blood-red water, motionless and staring blankly at the ceiling. I started screaming and crying, and he burst into laughter at his "hilarious" prank. He only seemed regretful that his video camera hadn't been recording properly. FML

#21261267
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36878) - you deserved it (3453)

On 09/19/2014 at 1:58pm - misc - by TuT (woman) - France

Today, I spent the whole day doing a 500 piece puzzle. The last piece didn't fit. FML

#21191359
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43212) - you deserved it (6162)

On 06/28/2014 at 10:08am - misc - by Puzzlepiece - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my psychotic step-dad asked me if I'm doing drugs. I replied with a massive amount of sarcasm: "Yeah, all of 'em. Especially meth." He flipped out, searched my room top to bottom, then grounded me "for good" until I tell him where I hid the supposed drugs. FML

#21233273
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41031) - you deserved it (12598)

On 08/09/2014 at 1:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, as I was saying bye to my girlfriend, I said "see ya later, alligator." She took offense because she thought I called her ugly. FML

#21321170
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30226) - you deserved it (3660)

On 12/20/2014 at 10:37pm - love - by sexualpopcorn - United States (California)

Today, a potential customer was looking at a treadmill at the fitness warehouse I work at. Once he was done testing it out, I asked him if he'd like me to order it for him. His reply? "Nah. I only had a go on it 'cause it looked like fun. Hey, but you could order one for yourself, huh, chubs?" FML

#21236566
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37955) - you deserved it (4556)

On 08/13/2014 at 10:18am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, a day after being informed that keeping my wallet in my front pocket was "strange", my wallet was stolen from my back pocket. FML

Today, I got chewed out by a parent for putting her kid underwater. I teach swim lessons. FML

#21209168
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41356) - you deserved it (3410)

On 07/14/2014 at 7:04pm - work - by AFH2O - United States (California)

Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

#21285126
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35120) - you deserved it (7785)

On 10/25/2014 at 5:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I replied to a party invite. I thought I was only replying to the hostess, who's a close friend, so added a P. S. about a recent sex toy purchase I'd made and how rubbish it had been. I only realised after pressing "Send" that I'd selected "Reply All". FML

#21271313
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23706) - you deserved it (34827)

On 10/05/2014 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML

#21238375
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44454) - you deserved it (4591)

On 08/15/2014 at 6:09pm - love - by meltdowninrels (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)



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