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Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2014 at 5:31pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy

Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML

by nenette / 11/12/2014 at 5:50pm / France / Animals

Today, I still didn't feel quite awake after the first lesson at school, so I went to get a cup of coffee from the vending machine. I had just enough money for it. No cup dropped into the holder, and the whole thing poured straight into the drip tray while I watched. FML

by walktowardslight / 12/03/2014 at 5:35am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend sent Christmas Carollers to my house to tell me he was breaking up with me. FML

by PyroSam / 12/12/2014 at 1:07pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my best friend showed me his New Year's Eve photos. Girls everywhere, booze flowing all over the place and all my friends were there. They still haven't realised that they didn't invite me. We've been friends for seven years. FML

by Mixta / 01/02/2015 at 11:45pm / Love

Today, I had to fall asleep to my next-door neighbors having sex because our walls are paper thin. What bothered me the most wasn't listening to them doing it, but knowing that she was faking it. FML

by Mkimmi / 02/12/2015 at 2:39am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, a weird friend of my father's decided to visit us. Our house isn't very big, so when he went to the bathroom, I could hear everything. He didn't wash his hands after a massive dump, and when he came out of the bathroom he patted my face. FML

by texasrose921 / 01/26/2015 at 6:29am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I noticed my boyfriend had commented on a post. It said, "Tag the hottest girl you know". Yeah, he tagged his ex. FML

by Idek / 01/30/2015 at 11:27am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got pulled over for speaking on my phone. I accepted the fine because I was too ashamed to tell the cute officer that I was actually trying to pop a huge pimple on my cheek. FML

by Anonymous / 02/25/2015 at 5:33am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at work, a customer came up to me, stuck his finger in my armpit, then licked his finger. FML

by Confused and Disgusted / 02/23/2015 at 6:42pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, and pretty much every day, my co-worker takes off her shoes while working. The smell of her feet makes me dizzy. I don't know if she's oblivious to the fact that her feet stink, or she just doesn't care. It's affecting the quality of my work. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2015 at 1:56am / Asia/Pacific Region / Work

Today, I got to see my best friend for the first time in months. Her first reaction was to say, "Wow, you gained a lot of weight." I actually lost a fair bit. FML

by boyishgirl / 02/27/2015 at 2:14pm / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was doing homework and I had my leg bent in a funny position. When I stood up, my hip dislocated. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. When people ask me what happened, I have to say I dislocated my hip doing calculus. FML

by anonymous / 03/25/2015 at 12:24am / United States (Texas) / Health