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Today, my bitch of a sister broke my new phone, which took me months of work to earn. Her excuse? If I didn't want her to break it, I shouldn't have let her use it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2015 at 8:43am / United Kingdom (Bexley) / Kids

Today, after the doctor poking around my urethra and vagina at a lump, she turns to me and says, "I'm going to be honest, I have no idea what that is. Have some antibiotics and we'll see how it goes in two weeks." Excuse me while I go panic in a corner. FML

by freakingout / 09/02/2015 at 5:10pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Health

Today, I finally got the results of months of extensive psychological testing to determine why I did so well in my course but performed so terribly on the job. Turns out I'm autistic. FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2015 at 11:41am / Australia / Work

Today, I walked in on my teenage son passionately making out with one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

by JGarz / 10/10/2015 at 3:21am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, the AC broke in the kitchen of the restaurant I work at. Temperatures reached over 100 degrees and one of my coworkers nearly passed out. Our boss accused us of being "dramatic" and only let us step out after I collapsed. I need this job too badly to quit. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2015 at 12:46pm / United States / Work

Today, I told one of my classmates for the third time that I'm not into guys and wasn't interested in going on a date with him. He just looked at me blankly and said "So I'll pick you up at 9?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2015 at 9:45am / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Work

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm boring and never go to the bar with him. He knows I'm a recovering alcoholic. FML

by Chelsey5279 / 10/31/2015 at 12:05am / United States / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was washing my boobs in the shower when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I got super turned on at the sight of my large breasts all soaped up. I'm a man. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2015 at 9:19am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light. I saw my neighbour and her new boyfriend crossing the road, then noticed as he started grabbing his crotch, but thought nothing of it. They both then pulled down their pants and urinated in the middle of the busy intersection. FML

by tabbycacti / 11/30/2015 at 8:06am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, a friend told me that when I read, I make all the expressions the characters in the book are making. Apparently, I have been doing this since I was a kid, and no one ever told me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2016 at 8:46pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called the cops on my elderly neighbor for blaring loud war music yet again. They chatted and laughed with him on his lawn for a good half hour. As they left, he slapped the female officer's ass, only for her to just giggle about it. After they drove off, he fired up his music again. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2016 at 12:07am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after trying for months for a baby, I finally got a positive test. For chlamydia. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2016 at 8:57pm / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of) / Health

Today, my boyfriend got so baked, he thought I was in the washing machine. I came downstairs to find him sitting in a puddle of soaking wet clothes, crying about where I was. FML

by cutiecuppiecakez / 02/29/2016 at 4:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous