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Today, my four year old son came into the restroom while I was applying my make-up, and asked me "Mommy, are you putting on make-up so that someone will love you?" FML

by unlovedmommy / 05/08/2014 at 5:49pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was partying with friends. At around midnight, I sent a text message to my friend to reassure her, saying that of course I could handle my drink. That's the last thing I can remember about the evening. It's a total blank from that point onwards. FML

by julie24 / 05/29/2014 at 10:30pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me that the girl he really likes sees me as a threat. FML

by SE011194 / 05/24/2014 at 2:14am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I became the town racist for saying "black" instead of "African-American". I'm black. FML

by guest / 06/18/2014 at 9:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard my husband say from outside, "Seriously Dan, what could go wrong?" This was followed a few seconds later by a bang and screaming. Turns out he'd tried to smash his head through a wooden plank like a martial artist and failed. He ended up with splinters and a concussion. FML

by Anonymous / 06/21/2014 at 11:15am / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML

by zl5 / 07/04/2014 at 7:17pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Work

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

by WasntWorthIt / 07/30/2014 at 1:04pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy

Today, I asked for time off from work for my wedding and honeymoon. A grand total of three days. My boss made a face like he'd sucked on rancid toes and asked me if I was stupid. Awesome. FML

by BrokeBride / 08/14/2014 at 3:15am / United States (New Hampshire) / Work

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes to do things the old-fashioned way, and that he wouldn't propose to me without my father's blessing. My dad died 3 years ago, and he knows it. FML

by lonethong15 / 08/08/2014 at 6:53pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

by HappilyNeverAfter / 09/17/2014 at 11:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I was boxing up all my brother's old stuff to take to the attic. I came across a box, and without checking what was inside, I took it up, just to have it fall on my head, to then find out it was filled with dead baby hamsters. FML

by MissBeyoncé / 10/13/2014 at 4:13am / Namibia (Windhoek) / Animals

Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2014 at 5:31pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2014 at 9:23pm / United States (New York) / Love