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Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML

#6826046
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30364) - you deserved it (3113)

On 12/19/2009 at 10:15am - love - by ouch (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was telling my entire cocktail party about the time I accidentally flashed my volleyball team at a pool party. While trying to demonstrate how it happened, I accidentally pulled my dress down and flashed everyone again. FML

#6904777
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5195) - you deserved it (30523)

On 12/23/2009 at 3:48pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

#6890097
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15710) - you deserved it (4315)

On 12/22/2009 at 8:09pm - intimacy - by shallowvomit1013 (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, at work I was ringing up some tampons for a woman, and I try to interact with the shoppers as much as possible. I was trying to think of something witty or funny to say but drew a blank, so I decided just to say "have a nice night." What I actually said was "have a nice flow". FML

#7492497
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7701) - you deserved it (25766)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:26am - work - by iluvjenknee (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was building new fixtures at work. As I assembled the top holding bar on the second section, my boss came up and smacked it to try and scare me. She knocked the top holding bar, which is made of steel, onto my head, and then all the sections went on to fall like dominoes. FML

Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML

#13525218
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22598) - you deserved it (2805)

On 10/20/2010 at 2:08pm - work - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, while I was standing in the elevator with a few people I just met when I moved in yesterday, I felt something fall on my hair and dusted it off. It was a cockroach. None of them will come within a 1m distance to me now, because they all think I've got lice. Welcome to the building! FML

#8713665
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19654) - you deserved it (1897)

On 02/28/2010 at 8:44am - misc - by idonthavelice (woman) - China (Guangdong)

Today, I found out the man I'm getting a ride from drives a windowless van and is "excited to see me". My friends had encouraged me to sign up for the cheap-ride program because it was less expensive than taking a train. If I never come back, look for a windowless van somewhere in Europe. FML

#13432201
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19260) - you deserved it (4257)

On 10/13/2010 at 8:57am - misc - by deadinavan (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, our school got portable classrooms for the construction on our school. I had to take a dump really bad, and had to use the built in bathroom. As I was in there I heard laughing. Turns out, every sound you make is an entire broadcast to the class. FML

#16119488
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27893) - you deserved it (3815)

On 05/10/2011 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to admit to everyone, including my cable guy, that I'm moving back in with my parents. FML

#12313320
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19281) - you deserved it (8540)

On 08/04/2010 at 5:08pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I found out that the $200 a week I was paying my dad for my car insurance and payment, wasn't actually paying my insurance and car payment. How did I find out he wasn't paying? Repo man took my car. FML

#13252849
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24746) - you deserved it (2685)

On 09/29/2010 at 7:04pm - money - by thankspops - United States (New York)

Today, I lost my job. I was so upset that I put in my favorite mix CD of all the songs that get me feeling better. While scanning for my favorite song, I hit the car in front of me. FML

#14087345
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9357) - you deserved it (29769)

On 12/04/2010 at 7:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I called my mom for her birthday. She started talking about an infomercial she'd seen for a combo bidet-and-dryer, and how she would like to get one so she can feel "fresh down there" without worrying about getting bits of toilet paper on her nether regions. I can't un-hear this. FML

#13415843
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19537) - you deserved it (1967)

On 10/12/2010 at 1:46am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)



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