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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found out that my entire school differentiates me from another girl in my grade with the same name by saying "No, she's the lesbian one." I'm straight. FML

#12792184
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27916) - you deserved it (2867)

On 08/28/2010 at 7:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, seeing Ozzy Osbourne live for the first time, I was trying to get the perfect photo of the entire band on stage. That is, until a sudden burst of pyrotechnics startled me, and I gave myself a black eye from the camera hitting me in the face. FML

#13982086
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21101) - you deserved it (9041)

On 11/26/2010 at 12:23am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, we were playing a game at work where whenever someone is in the washroom, we throw a 2 inch lug nut at the door because it makes a huge bang and scares whoever is in there. I was just opening the door to exit when someone threw the nut. It hit me in the face. FML

#13383261
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12139) - you deserved it (26199)

On 10/09/2010 at 8:57pm - health - by PunctureWound - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I noticed a picture in an elderly patients room, of a pretty girl in a bikini. Trying to be funny and lighten the mood, I said, "Looks like you have some good eye candy to help you recover faster." With a stern look he replied, "That's my granddaughter." FML

#13927206
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8777) - you deserved it (32609)

On 11/21/2010 at 5:36pm - work - by BlackRavenWings - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my 4 year old son told his preschool teacher that his daddy could pick up 10,000 cows but couldn't pick up his mommy because she was too heavy. I'm the mommy. FML

#13467728
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28722) - you deserved it (5779)

On 10/16/2010 at 1:50am - kids - by princessj - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I ran into Target's dressing rooms to try pants on, leaving my full cart outside. An employee thought it had been left there, and took it to put the stuff back. My coat, hat, gloves were in it. I had to walk home. FML

#14074795
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11963) - you deserved it (20683)

On 12/03/2010 at 7:11pm - misc - by freezingtodeath - United States (Ohio)

Today, I spent the first day of the new year helping out at an old folks home. I was assigned to watch over a group which includes the delightful Earnie; an 83 year old delusional man who sees absolutely no problem with showing off "what the good lord gave him" every chance he gets. FML

#14427516
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27948) - you deserved it (3665)

On 01/01/2011 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by Username - United States (California)

Today, I had an hour-long massage, meditated for while and was finally feeling good. Then I had to call an ambulance for my idiot father who had managed to get alcohol poisoning. FML

#15062503
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27498) - you deserved it (3274)

On 02/21/2011 at 5:22am - misc - by meme71 -

Today, my mother came over again to help me work on my Student Aid application. She also brought over the savings bonds that she has been accumulating since I was born to help pay for college. Turns out they won't reach maturity until I'm thirty. She never bothered to check out this fact. I'm screwed for college. FML

#14476476
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24831) - you deserved it (3178)

On 01/05/2011 at 5:52pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, we were celebrating my birthday and my boyfriend thought it would be funny to shove my face in the cake. While the candles were still lit. FML

#14594110
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38201) - you deserved it (3447)

On 01/15/2011 at 9:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, after three weeks of putting it off, I decided to ask out the girl I've had a major crush on since third grade. When I told her, she smiled, but then quickly said, "But aren't you gay?" FML

#14811207
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38739) - you deserved it (4632)

On 02/02/2011 at 12:11pm - love - by straightasaneedle (man) - Germany (Hessen)

Today, after some filing mistakes, and a lot of waiting on hold, I'm finally registered for Spring classes. I was ready to enjoy this term, until I found out that my ex, who was forced into therapy after he threatened to kill me, is in half of my classes. FML

#14622823
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29934) - you deserved it (2553)

On 01/18/2011 at 3:13am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my visibly drunk uncle stood up and denounced the minister for "preaching yer god shite where it weren't never be welcome". FML

#19276871
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22522) - you deserved it (2368)

On 03/14/2012 at 10:38am - love - by mel_bear_ (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)



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