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Today, on my first day at a new job, my boss asked how old I was. I replied, "Eighteen." She responded that she was my age thirty years ago, which makes her the same age as my mum. When I told her, she gave me a puzzled look, so I repeated myself. She was my age thirteen years ago, not thirty. FML

#245
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24721) - you deserved it (12716)

On 11/07/2008 at 10:33am - work - by Ulysse - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch a porn film on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear. It wasn't until she came out of her bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML

#296
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9637) - you deserved it (52772)

On 11/13/2008 at 5:31am - intimacy - by Skylan - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she had fantasies about throwing him out a window when he was a baby because she was so depressed and couldn't handle the stress. The worst part is he wants to get married. She'd be my mother-in-law. FML

#1751
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19211) - you deserved it (3442)

On 01/19/2009 at 12:59pm - love - by lovekills99 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to Target to buy some soap and this 65-70 year old woman next to me was asking a sales associate if they had any bubble bath mix. I suddenly pictured her naked, bathing herself and suddenly my dick just couldn't sit still. It's probably because I haven't had sex in over 22 months. FML

#2281
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26907) - you deserved it (10879)

On 01/23/2009 at 3:36am - intimacy - by fecurtis - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML

#2738
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6993) - you deserved it (61613)

On 01/26/2009 at 8:17pm - misc - by crazyvulva9216 - United States (California)

Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the camera moved up I realized it was my mom and my step-dad. FML

#11602
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11248) - you deserved it (45493)

On 02/06/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML

#30273
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22067) - you deserved it (50153)

On 02/12/2009 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Evil_Egbert (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, my ex-boyfriend came over. After I finished pouring my heart out to him about how much I missed him, and how much I loved him, he looks at me and asks "So are we gonna do it, or what?" FML

#52695
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39617) - you deserved it (10045)

On 02/16/2009 at 12:08pm - misc - by k (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was marked absent from my math class because nobody in my class noticed I was there. FML

#77123
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52767) - you deserved it (5365)

On 02/19/2009 at 10:48am - misc - by Invisible (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities. I was rushing to get the email out and hit send before I realized that instead of "Best Regards" I had typed "Best Retards" as the closing line. FML

#226271
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27869) - you deserved it (38279)

On 03/06/2009 at 1:53pm - work - by Can't Spell Worth A Damn (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got a text message. My phone was sitting on the edge of the bed and set on vibrate, so it fell off. I reached down to grab my phone and fell off the bed. My macbook landed on top of me. I fractured my arm and broke my laptop to read a text from facebook. FML

#279648
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56841) - you deserved it (19705)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:06am - misc - by Noname - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the mall with my mom. We were in American Eagle shopping for spring clothes, when a few good looking guys walked by and whistled at me. I smiled at them. They were checking out my mom, not me. FML

#516140
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70055) - you deserved it (6224)

On 03/21/2009 at 7:18pm - misc - by motherdearest (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, whilst my parents and I were out, my older brother thought it would be funny to play porn on my computer. At full volume. With my window wide open. Now my next-door neighbors tell their kids I'm a spawn of Satan, and the weird guy from across the street winks at me. FML

#641571
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53132) - you deserved it (6897)

On 03/27/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by Spawn_of_Satan (woman) - Hong Kong



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