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Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML

by acincollege / 02/21/2009 at 12:36am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I got accepted to the North America Scholar Consortium as a Member of the Highest Honor, which I had applied for a few weeks ago. Happy to be able to add something good to my resume, I called my mom excitedly, and then Googled it to ascertain the level of prestige. Turns out it's a scam. FML

by AlmostScdOtOf68Bucks / 04/07/2009 at 12:45pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was about to get it on with a girl in the bathroom of my friend's house at a party. Just when things started getting heated, a pipe burst. Literally. There was water everywhere and everyone had to evacuate the building. I was cockblocked by poor plumbing. FML

by RotoRooter / 04/17/2009 at 3:29am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I was fixing some photos for a client. I spent 20 minutes trying to Photoshop an unusual black dot out of a picture. Only then did I discover it was a black dot on my computer screen. FML

by confusedphotographer / 04/19/2009 at 2:09pm / United States (Kentucky) / Geek

Today, I was talking to a swimmer I just met. I saw a cute guy and whispered to her "that guy is hot." She asked "Who?" I pointed at him. She turned to see him, then turned back to me and said "Ew, thats my brother." She went to him, whispered something. He turned around to see me and said "EW." FML

by uglyswimmer / 04/22/2009 at 9:58pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was taking the bus home. A dirty homeless man boarded the bus, put his bag on the overhead rack, and sat down. His bag was leaking and dripped onto my shoulder. I asked the man what it was. He said, "Roadkill." I now have dead animal blood on my best business suit. FML

by Lo_Bolian / 04/24/2009 at 11:10pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, my dog ate my little brothers medication. I spent all morning trying to make him throw it up, but it wasn't working so I took him to the animal hospital, which was in a different city. $150 in poison control and vet bills later, I found the pill we thought he ate stuck under his paw. FML

by glowstick / 06/30/2009 at 2:07am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I woke up early, showered, dressed, and made the 40 minute drive to work, only to discover when I arrived that today was my day off. When I got home my live in boyfriend was gone. I called and he told me he was at the beach, right near my work. FML

by wherefelix / 07/03/2009 at 4:01am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my eye started hurting with unbelievable pain. I couldn't see out of it and I asked my father if he would take me to the hospital, since it was hurting so bad. He said he had to wait for the pizza he ordered for delivery. I had to call a cab to go to the emergency room because of pizza. FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2009 at 3:36am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard a student in the class I assist having trouble with a download. I walked over and showed him how to save to his flash drive, and how to use 7z to unzip said file. I then found out I'd just assisted him in downloading a half gig of porn during class. FML

by TingBarter / 07/09/2009 at 11:00am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got an email from a Scholarship Program reminding me that they had rejected me 3 months ago. Thanks for reminding me I might not make it to college. FML

by nsJ / 07/15/2009 at 12:02pm / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, my friend put a bunch of cheetos all over me at the beach while I was taking a nap. Next thing I know I'm being woken up by a bunch of seagulls attacking me. One pooped in my hair. FML

by kewlcat / 07/16/2009 at 2:30am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I checked an old photosharing account. I got a new phone last year and didn't realize all the pictures I took with the new phone would still automatically upload to my account. Unknowingly, I posted naked pics of myself online. Not one of my friends told me. FML

by nudie / 07/19/2009 at 4:14pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous