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Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

#21260160
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34135) - you deserved it (3891)

On 09/17/2014 at 5:57pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, at the beach, I noticed a plastic bag in the water. I wanted to do something good for a change, help protect the environment and get it out. It wasn't a bag; it was a jellyfish. FML

#21236316
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39259) - you deserved it (8399) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/13/2014 at 12:28am - animals - by Muwz - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes to do things the old-fashioned way, and that he wouldn't propose to me without my father's blessing. My dad died 3 years ago, and he knows it. FML

#21232717
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46700) - you deserved it (3175)

On 08/08/2014 at 6:53pm - love - by lonethong15 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while lying in bed cuddling with my cat after getting stood up, I found out that even 80-year-old Charles Manson is engaged to be married. FML

#21301256
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28863) - you deserved it (2982)

On 11/18/2014 at 5:41am - love - by jessiejaybee (woman) - United States

Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch a porn film on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear. It wasn't until she came out of her bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML

#296
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9542) - you deserved it (52533)

On 11/13/2008 at 5:31am - intimacy - by Skylan - Sent from mobile version

Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML

#1389
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33800) - you deserved it (2434)

On 01/16/2009 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by Ohai - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

#4484
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62608) - you deserved it (7373)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:27am - intimacy - by SuperJesus - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I took my friend to the E.R. for an eye infection. While waiting, I proclaimed, "Why, Jesus?!" jokingly. Well, the gigantic biker sitting next to me, who had found religion in prison and is a born again Christian, was not pleased. He spent the next four hours trying to convert me. FML

#5942
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22665) - you deserved it (17259)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:48am - health - by mrb72 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to McDonald's for lunch and ordered a salad. The man behind the counter looked at me and said "Well, at least you're trying." FML

#70885
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53031) - you deserved it (8409)

On 02/18/2009 at 6:52pm - health - by blawbo (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my name was called during an assembly because I won some sort of prize. Everyone booed. FML

#232169
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67418) - you deserved it (6050)

On 03/07/2009 at 2:01am - misc - by ladeda (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML

#238786
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54312) - you deserved it (3887)

On 03/07/2009 at 11:28pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I called up the boy I like to ask him on a date. He said "Haha, thats a pretty good impression Chris. Next time pick someone less ugly and maybe I'd think this is real." He thought I was his friend prank calling him. FML

#243947
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82141) - you deserved it (4338)

On 03/08/2009 at 5:58pm - love - by Depressed (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methanphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year old father. FML

#259923
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69183) - you deserved it (2896)

On 03/10/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Georgia)



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