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Today, my boyfriend left for a 2-year job posting in China. We had agreed to maintain a long distance relationship and even worked out a visiting schedule. Later that night, after trying to reach him, I realized the numbers he gave me weren't for China. The country code doesn't even exist. FML

#14871372
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36351) - you deserved it (3554)

On 02/06/2011 at 7:58pm - love - by dumbass -

Today, I had to say a deep sincere speech on assembly in front of the whole college on the recent floods in Queensland. Instead of saying "We are Queenslanders, when we get knocked down, we get back up" I stumbled and said "We are Queenslanders, when we get knocked up..." FML

#14955140
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27053) - you deserved it (5255)

On 02/13/2011 at 5:00am - misc - by knockedup (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went up to a girl at a bus stop and started chatting her up. Her response? "Am I being robbed?" FML

#15631458
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32921) - you deserved it (6953)

On 04/04/2011 at 2:15am - misc - by Anonymous - Mozambique (Maputo)

Today, I was hiking, and four miles away from my car and civilization, I tripped over a rock into a cactus. I used duct tape, which ripped all the hair off my arms and legs but ignored the spikes. FML

#15493729
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28354) - you deserved it (6742)

On 03/26/2011 at 2:32am - misc - by Broderick (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, in a desperate bid to avoid going to the doctor, my young son ran into and hid inside a cactus garden. I had to drag him out. FML

#17758284
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25155) - you deserved it (2769)

On 09/16/2011 at 3:26pm - kids - by Chandler - United States

Today, my boss gave me an "All you need to know about grammar" book. FML

#16704546
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10386) - you deserved it (31631)

On 06/17/2011 at 12:16am - work - by illiterate - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my family dragged me to an Alien-themed museum. They're convinced they were once abducted and felt up by creatures from outer space. They talk, and spend all their money, on nothing else. I'm hungry. FML

#17462682
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29216) - you deserved it (2767)

On 08/13/2011 at 7:21pm - misc - by Help (woman) - United States

Today, a week after I lost my wallet, replaced the majority of my ID cards, canceled my debit card, and went to the DMV and paid for a replacement driver's license, I found my wallet. It was in my shoe. FML

#19682087
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9317) - you deserved it (25224)

On 05/26/2012 at 3:30am - misc - by eddiemusicjazz - United States (California)

Today, while at my boyfriend's cousin's birthday party, I was hanging around with his sister as I didn't know anyone. She was talking to some friends when one of them asked her, "So, is your brother still going out with that crazy chick?" Her answer was to introduce me. FML

#17609422
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29646) - you deserved it (4165)

On 08/29/2011 at 1:15am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a Red Tailed Hawk land on my car and spend a few minutes looking at his reflection in the windshield. This was all really neat until I found out he badly scratched my hood with his large talons. FML

#17066735
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28253) - you deserved it (3593)

On 07/11/2011 at 1:56pm - misc - by MakeItMaaco (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML

#19161181
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7430) - you deserved it (29180)

On 02/25/2012 at 2:09pm - health - by Jared (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML

#19575752
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28646) - you deserved it (4669)

On 05/05/2012 at 1:42am - intimacy - by CALIdime_15 - United States

Today, I was sleeping over at a friend's house. I went and took a shower, and as I tried to get out, the door jammed. I called my friend for help, and after much tugging, the glass shattered all over me. She panicked and sent her dad to rescue me. It was the first time he and I had met. FML

#18666751
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28143) - you deserved it (2488)

On 12/31/2011 at 7:19pm - misc - by Lotje13 - Hungary (Budapest)



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