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Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML

#5775465
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36917) - you deserved it (2365)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by prickly (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, an old friend that I never really liked invited me to lunch while she was in town. While driving back to her car, I couldn't find my phone, so she offered to call it. She found it under the passenger seat and also saw that when she called, her name came up as "Sabrina-IGNORE". FML

#5480779
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7041) - you deserved it (56298)

On 09/26/2009 at 4:05am - misc - by veggocake (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that the guy I've been dating for the past 7 months, who insisted on keeping us a secret because it was "too soon", is proudly showing off his new 19 year old girlfriend he met a month ago. FML

#3907270
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37549) - you deserved it (5570)

On 07/20/2009 at 3:07pm - love - by Grevling (woman) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I decided to check out my school's quarterback's Twitter, since we have a class together. He wrote, "Dear girl in front of me, I thought you were pretty until you turned around." It was funny, until I realized the timestamp was when we have class together, and I sit in front of him. FML

#5186777
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35913) - you deserved it (4263)

On 09/11/2009 at 1:05pm - misc - by thatgirl247 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because she found a bra in my cupboard. It was hers. FML

#5389854
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39548) - you deserved it (3133)

On 09/21/2009 at 6:53am - love - by Wronged (man) - Singapore

Today, I bought a cool new pair of sunglasses. I wore them today, and all day I kept getting comments about how much I looked like Ozzy Osbourne and John Lennon. I'm a girl. FML

#4152950
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29324) - you deserved it (11976)

On 07/30/2009 at 2:51am - misc - by poop_mcqueen (woman) - United States - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I got 4 "photo enforced" speeding tickets in the mail. It was from the car that was stolen from me three weeks ago. FML

#5190838
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37580) - you deserved it (2422)

On 09/11/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by SlowLane (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I lent my parents a copy of "The Dark Knight", saying it was one of my favorite movies so they needed to watch it. A bit later my mom called... Apparently my roommate wanted to watch it as well, but couldn't find the case to his porno and decided to just use the Batman case instead. FML

#5585947
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35382) - you deserved it (4971)

On 10/01/2009 at 3:46pm - misc - by Broly171 (man) - United States (Iowa) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I got food poisoning from my wedding food. FML

#16704892
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35684) - you deserved it (3449)

On 06/17/2011 at 12:34am - health - by ekoblick - United States

Today, I was washing some clothes in the laundry room at my apartment complex. I went back an hour later, passed my neighbor on the way in, and moved my clothes to the dryer. I just brought them back from the dryer, and all my underwear are missing. FML

#5303139
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31995) - you deserved it (2681)

On 09/16/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by Lulu (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I drove by a restaurant I ate at yesterday. I write a food review column for my college paper, and I've tried everything on their menu. They were being closed down today because a large amount of rat droppings was found in their food supplies. FML

Today, my family sat me down and told me I was spending way too much time with my boyfriend and not enough time with them. My boyfriend has been away in Iraq for six months and just came home a week ago. FML

#6406317
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40067) - you deserved it (2152)

On 11/22/2009 at 3:03pm - love - by gj09 - United States

Today, I told my sister that I thought I was pregnant, and that she was the only person I had called. Immediately after I hung up the phone I got a text saying, "OMG my sister thinks she's pregnant!" FML



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