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Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML

#21198798
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49289) - you deserved it (4483)

On 07/04/2014 at 7:17pm - work - by zl5 (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, after a power outage at my house, my 14-year-old brother was genuinely confused as to why our flashlights still worked if we had no electricity. FML

#21200603
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42578) - you deserved it (3942)

On 07/06/2014 at 2:04pm - misc - by idiot bro (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, my co-worker threw a rubber mallet at my face, and I broke my finger in the process of saving my face. She then told me to "take it up with HR, bitch". She's the HR manager. FML

#21302927
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32749) - you deserved it (2550)

On 11/20/2014 at 7:29pm - work - by spreadburger - United States (Florida)

Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML

#21298320
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31632) - you deserved it (2848)

On 11/13/2014 at 1:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics, thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

#21241704
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21325) - you deserved it (40273)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:53pm - misc - by Kev (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML

#21245913
80 comments

Today, my father was playing with my son and his toy animals. He picked one up and said, "What is this? Some kind of African horse?" It was a zebra. FML

Today, I'm old enough to be looking at houses to buy, but not old enough to get past the idea that they might be affordable because they're haunted. FML

#21300362
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25429) - you deserved it (5206)

On 11/16/2014 at 10:07pm - misc - by boo (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out I'm allergic to our new cat. My mom said she'd rather get rid of me than the cat. FML

Today, my parents gave me fat burner pills for my birthday. FML

#21300816
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32890) - you deserved it (5020)

On 11/17/2014 at 4:05pm - misc - by fatty - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML

#21279207
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31555) - you deserved it (15661)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm - misc - by karmaaa - United States (Iowa)

Today, I got approached by a lady while eating at a fast-food restaurant who asked if I could spare five dollars. Confidently, I pulled out my wallet to show her that I had no cash, only to reveal a perfectly crisp five dollar bill that I had completely forgotten about. FML

#21284180
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28707) - you deserved it (15172)

On 10/24/2014 at 1:02am - money - by Yeah (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, at the beach, I noticed a plastic bag in the water. I wanted to do something good for a change, help protect the environment and get it out. It wasn't a bag; it was a jellyfish. FML

#21236316
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39374) - you deserved it (8416) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/13/2014 at 12:28am - animals - by Muwz - Sent from mobile version



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