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Today, I was getting to second base with a really hot guy, but I couldn't stop laughing when he said my boobs were "soft like cake." He got so embarrassed that he lost his boner. FML

#21303170
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33120) - you deserved it (9142)

On 11/21/2014 at 4:56am - intimacy - by weirdthingtosay (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML

#21298320
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31630) - you deserved it (2847)

On 11/13/2014 at 1:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after being with the company for over 3 years, I realised nobody really knows my name. This was after my boss was walking around a new staff member and couldn't introduce me. Neither could my colleague, who's been sitting next to me for the last 6 months. FML

#21358494
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31050) - you deserved it (3397)

On 02/18/2015 at 7:35am - work - by lonergirl - Australia

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a few months told me he couldn't stay overnight because his mom would yell at him for not coming home. We're both 30 and I didn't know he still lived at home. FML

#21350278
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31439) - you deserved it (3569)

On 02/05/2015 at 11:42am - love - by thenewgirl29 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I am dating a puppy. FML

#21363602
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23363) - you deserved it (2805)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by failuretolaunch2 - United States

Today, my mother was vacuuming my room and found a towel under my bed. She asked "why does it smell so bad?" I replied "sweat". FML

#672
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12764) - you deserved it (32764)

On 01/01/2009 at 10:04pm - intimacy - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML

#1389
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33942) - you deserved it (2449)

On 01/16/2009 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by Ohai - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was gay and that he is in love with my younger brother. FML

#1554
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42352) - you deserved it (2413)

On 01/18/2009 at 7:41am - love - by Wenny - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I finally broke my two year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML

#2792
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40186) - you deserved it (8059)

On 01/27/2009 at 7:47am - intimacy - by theguy24 - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I walked past a man handing out miniature Bibles on my way to class. He handed me one, commenting "here, you look like you need this." FML

#8842
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21169) - you deserved it (4186)

On 02/04/2009 at 8:18pm - misc - by Michigan (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to the doctor's office because I was sick. The male nurse led me back and when he weighed me, he said "Why do I get all the beefy girls today?". FML

#9160
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33647) - you deserved it (5022)

On 02/05/2009 at 5:05am - health - by makinascene (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I took my friend to the E.R. for an eye infection. While waiting, I proclaimed, "Why, Jesus?!" jokingly. Well, the gigantic biker sitting next to me, who had found religion in prison and is a born again Christian, was not pleased. He spent the next four hours trying to convert me. FML

#5942
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23432) - you deserved it (17600)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:48am - health - by mrb72 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was marked absent from my math class because nobody in my class noticed I was there. FML

#77123
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50285) - you deserved it (5105)

On 02/19/2009 at 10:48am - misc - by Invisible (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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