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Today, my dog ate my little brothers medication. I spent all morning trying to make him throw it up, but it wasn't working so I took him to the animal hospital, which was in a different city. $150 in poison control and vet bills later, I found the pill we thought he ate stuck under his paw. FML

by glowstick / 06/30/2009 at 2:07am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I woke up early, showered, dressed, and made the 40 minute drive to work, only to discover when I arrived that today was my day off. When I got home my live in boyfriend was gone. I called and he told me he was at the beach, right near my work. FML

by wherefelix / 07/03/2009 at 4:01am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my eye started hurting with unbelievable pain. I couldn't see out of it and I asked my father if he would take me to the hospital, since it was hurting so bad. He said he had to wait for the pizza he ordered for delivery. I had to call a cab to go to the emergency room because of pizza. FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2009 at 3:36am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard a student in the class I assist having trouble with a download. I walked over and showed him how to save to his flash drive, and how to use 7z to unzip said file. I then found out I'd just assisted him in downloading a half gig of porn during class. FML

by TingBarter / 07/09/2009 at 11:00am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got an email from a Scholarship Program reminding me that they had rejected me 3 months ago. Thanks for reminding me I might not make it to college. FML

by nsJ / 07/15/2009 at 12:02pm / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, my friend put a bunch of cheetos all over me at the beach while I was taking a nap. Next thing I know I'm being woken up by a bunch of seagulls attacking me. One pooped in my hair. FML

by kewlcat / 07/16/2009 at 2:30am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I checked an old photosharing account. I got a new phone last year and didn't realize all the pictures I took with the new phone would still automatically upload to my account. Unknowingly, I posted naked pics of myself online. Not one of my friends told me. FML

by nudie / 07/19/2009 at 4:14pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got the courage to ask out the guy I've liked for a long time. He's a cashier at a grocery store. It was about 1am and I was his last customer, everything seemed just right. Just when I was about to ask him to the movies, a drunk girl stumbles in and asks him out. He said yes. FML

by Anonymous / 07/24/2009 at 5:32am / India (Haryana) / Love

Today, a moth was flying around my house. Annoyed, I picked up a shoe to crush it with. The moth landed on a light fixture on the ceiling, so I made my move. Dead, the moth slipped gracefully through air and onto my head. So did the light fixture. FML

by Anonymous / 08/02/2009 at 5:20pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a new computer. I gave my old one to my mother. After handing it over and going home, I realised I forgot to change the background picture, a naked photo of my girlfriend. FML

by picaboo / 08/10/2009 at 12:41pm / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I invited everyone to a gig I'm playing at a bar. They closed it down just for me when I told them how many people were attending, and I spent all day setting it up. Turns out nobody showed up besides my mom, my dad, and 2 of my cousins. I still had to play 7 songs in front of them. FML

by playinmyguitar / 08/15/2009 at 11:02am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a prank call. I now wish he'd call back so I can actually talk to someone. FML

by MelanieP / 08/28/2009 at 11:39pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends took me out to the most expensive restaurant in town to celebrate my promotion, we ordered everything with expensive drinks too. They 'took a smoke break' and left me with the bill. FML

by howrude / 09/11/2009 at 7:57am / Canada (Ontario) / Work