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Today, I talked to my high school sweetheart after 12 years. He confessed that he's been single ever since we broke up, never got over me, and that to this day he loves me dearly. I'm a married mother of two. FML

by :/ / 03/12/2016 at 6:36am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I spent a lot of money buying a birthday gift for a close friend, only to find out I'm not even invited to the party. FML

by Anonymous / 03/25/2016 at 3:07pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, a classmate accused me of having butt implants because "women can't have a huge ass and pancake tits". FML

by pancaketits / 03/22/2016 at 11:33am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in a nightclub with my girlfriend when a beautiful woman looked at me in the most provocative way. I didn't want to upset my girlfriend, so I escaped to the bar. When I came back, I saw the same girl making out with my girlfriend. Maybe I wasn't the one she was looking at. FML

by clubber / 11/03/2008 at 11:16pm / Switzerland (Fribourg) / Love

Today, the only cute girl in my office made fun of me because I'm 27 and bring fruit cups with my lunch. FML

by liltravol23 / 01/15/2009 at 6:36am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was gay and that he is in love with my younger brother. FML

by Wenny / 01/18/2009 at 7:41am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I broke the glass of the photocopier trying to photocopy my ass. My boss will be here in five hours. She'll know it was me. I'm the only night guardian. FML

by Wititipwitpwit / 01/21/2009 at 5:03am / Work

Today, I took my friend to the E.R. for an eye infection. While waiting, I proclaimed, "Why, Jesus?!" jokingly. Well, the gigantic biker sitting next to me, who had found religion in prison and is a born again Christian, was not pleased. He spent the next four hours trying to convert me. FML

by mrb72 / 02/03/2009 at 5:48am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I came to school late because I had to drop off my daughter at school. When I got on campus, the security told me I was late but I said, "Oh no, I work here." and he said, "Oh like I haven't heard that one before." And he took me to detention. My boss, the Principal, had to bail me out. FML

by Lily / 02/21/2009 at 6:22am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I spent 5 hours preparing dinner for my fianc''s grandparents, whom I've never met. At dinner, his grandmother says to him, "If you're going to pick someone to spend the rest of your life with, at least make sure she can cook." I'm the executive chef at a 4 star restaurant. FML

by chefdujour / 03/15/2009 at 12:56am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, driving some friends back from a party I said, "Did everyone see Lisa totally hanging off of Pat tonight?! It was hilarious!!". There was a long silence, then one of my friends said "...you know Lisa is in the car, right?" FML

by StephD / 03/19/2009 at 11:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to withdraw 200 dollars. At the ATM, I noticed a suspicious man standing really close to me. I was nervous about entering my pin number, and worrying he was looking at my account information. In my panic, I got all the way home before realizing that I left the cash in the machine. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2009 at 9:41pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the mall with my mom. We were in American Eagle shopping for spring clothes, when a few good looking guys walked by and whistled at me. I smiled at them. They were checking out my mom, not me. FML

by motherdearest / 03/21/2009 at 7:18pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous