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Today, I told the man my girlfriend has been cheating on me with all about her infidelity. He didn't get angry; he just said that he knew, that they were in an open relationship, and that I was pretty stupid to have not figured it out sooner. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2013 at 9:20pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Love

Today, I decided to confront my friend who has been stealing from me for months. She denied it, while wearing a pair of my pants. FML

by CODgirl102 / 11/16/2013 at 12:17am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that my heart rate is higher while playing Tetris than it is during sex. FML

by TetrisMaster / 11/24/2013 at 7:30am / Australia / Health

Today, I learned that when your mom threatens to embarrass you by singing in public, the wrong response is, "Yeah? I dare you." FML

Today, I went skiing with a girl I like. On the lift I asked her out. She said no. Halfway up the lift stopped. We were stuck up there for nearly an hour. FML

by snowbum69 / 12/15/2013 at 3:38am / United States (Idaho) / Love

Today, my girlfriend refused to take a picture with me to prove to my friends that I do indeed have a girlfriend. I got so desperate that I photoshopped myself into one of her Facebook photos instead. FML

by Wow. / 12/18/2013 at 1:23pm / United States / Love

Today, my friends and I had our Christmas party. I ended up being the only one sober, and had to drive each and every person home. There were 15 of us. FML

by good friend / 12/27/2013 at 1:35am / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy came into the small coffee shop I work at, and got angry because I wouldn't accept his Starbucks gift card as valid payment. When I told him we clearly aren't a Starbucks, he said "It's all the same shit" and ended up throwing a punch at me. FML

by the customer is always a cunt / 12/20/2013 at 4:48pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, me and some friends had home-made burgers for lunch. The guy who did the cooking later insisted that spitting in a frying pan is a perfectly acceptable way of guessing the right time to add the oil. FML

by HungerStrike / 12/29/2013 at 6:28pm / Czech Republic (Stredocesky kraj) / Health

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, my roommate pranked me by putting blue food coloring in the shower head. I have class in 20 minutes and look like a smurf. FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2014 at 11:30am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was chilling out with my friend in a parking lot, when a police officer came up to the vehicle and suspiciously asked what we were up to. My friend sarcastically said, "Uh, doing drugs? Planning a drive-by? Haha!" We soon found ourselves in the back of a cop car. FML

by Cuntface McGee / 02/21/2014 at 4:37pm / Romania (Cluj) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided it was time to tell my daughter that she had been adopted. Not only had she known for 5 years, she found out from my drunk sister. FML

by adopted / 03/03/2014 at 10:55am / United States (New York) / Kids