Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was working my shift at a fancy restaurant and it had been a really hard day. My parents came in to have dinner and surprise me. After paying, they left a note saying they would see me at home. It also said "By the way, no tip, because you stink at serving." FML

#4231634
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37396) - you deserved it (5995)

On 08/02/2009 at 3:12pm - work - by waiterrrrrrrrr (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was shaving and I sneezed unexpectedly. I ended up cutting myself so badly that I had to go to the emergency room. It wouldn't have been quite so humiliating if I hadn't been forced to show the extremely attractive doctor my sliced open and half shaved crotch. FML

#5248876
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21676) - you deserved it (4295)

On 09/14/2009 at 8:58am - intimacy - by Humiliated (woman) - United States

Today, I was told by this big guy from school that I needed to stop stalking his girlfriend, and stop following her home from school. She's my neighbor. FML

#4712150
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33530) - you deserved it (1659)

On 08/21/2009 at 4:13pm - misc - by ostfae (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML

#4407922
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38244) - you deserved it (2915)

On 08/09/2009 at 1:41pm - misc - by foojew93 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I won an award at school for my hard work. Afterwards, my parents told me off. Why? They wanted my brother to get it instead of me. FML

#5825419
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31634) - you deserved it (1419)

On 10/14/2009 at 4:21am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had a party at my house. When my parents came home, my dad asked how the party was. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about, to which he responded "Well the puke all over the driveway begs to differ." FML

#4758103
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4325) - you deserved it (40411)

On 08/23/2009 at 1:50pm - misc - by chacha_bby - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML

#6078345
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19966) - you deserved it (4376)

On 10/31/2009 at 12:34am - animals - by catwoman (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mom asked me if I was crying because my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. That wasn't why I was crying. My mom knows things before I do. FML

#4147404
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46744) - you deserved it (2452)

On 07/29/2009 at 11:20pm - love - by screwed (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at a friend's party. All of the sudden, my friend goes, "Ok girls, get a guy to dance with." Then everyone scrambled to find someone. There was just enough guy-girl pairs. This hot girl and I were the only two left. She looked at me and said, "Umm, I have to use the bathroom." FML

#4752266
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37853) - you deserved it (3605)

On 08/23/2009 at 1:25am - intimacy - by Idontdance (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom. Tonight, my husband threw up all over the bathroom. He actually cleaned it up himself, including the toilet. I went to use the toilet, put down the seat and sat down. Guess which part of the toilet he DIDN'T clean. FML

#5410681
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32053) - you deserved it (4761)

On 09/22/2009 at 5:36am - misc - by kimmybr (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got to my apartment early after being out really late the night before. Maybe next time I should call ahead of time so that my roommate has time to sneak my girlfriend out of his bedroom. FML

#6116013
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40161) - you deserved it (2551)

On 11/02/2009 at 6:05am - love - by ZPyRoGoDz (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found a parking citation from my college on my car windshield. It read PERMIT CITATION at the top. It confused me, as I had bought a parking permit 2 or 3 weeks before so that I wouldn't get a ticket. Turns out I got fined because the permit was on the wrong side of the windshield. FML

Today, it was the last day of camp. I told my friends we should exchange e-mail addresses so we could stay in touch. Apparently, they all had already exchanged their contact info. Nobody asked me for one piece of my contact info even once during the entire six weeks. FML

#4754419
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27772) - you deserved it (3891)

On 08/23/2009 at 3:09am - misc - by Lonely (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: