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Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML

#21399867
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33177) - you deserved it (4931)

On 04/26/2015 at 6:05am - health - by Anonymous (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my boyfriend uploaded a pic to snapchat that said "the love of my life." It was a pic of our beautiful baby girl. Then he uploaded another pic that said "the 2nd love of my life." It was a pic of the fuel truck he drives for work. FML

#21342658
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31287) - you deserved it (4198)

On 01/23/2015 at 1:33am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my mother asked me how pasta is harvested. She actually thought it grew out of the ground. FML

#21408925
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26853) - you deserved it (2165)

On 05/12/2015 at 12:37pm - misc - by a - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)

Today, I found my 15-year-old son sleeping on the couch. I asked why, and he said he'd rented his room out to someone on Craigslist to make extra money, so he was getting used to sleeping in the living room instead. FML

#21406874
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30479) - you deserved it (2662)

On 05/08/2015 at 5:19pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML

#21441958
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25833) - you deserved it (3672)

On 07/15/2015 at 7:15am - animals - by gassy - United States (Florida)

Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML

#21420106
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31319) - you deserved it (2909)

On 06/03/2015 at 6:15am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to class to take an important final for which I studied all week long and worked hard in class. Today, the teacher also told us that anyone who had an A did not have to take the final. I missed out on a trip to the Bahamas for this. FML

Today, I saw a woman being mugged. I ran up to help and pushed the guy off of her. She then punched me in the face and called the cops because she was, "just living out a fantasy" and I'm, "a lunatic for trying to help." FML

#21423823
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29128) - you deserved it (1937)

On 06/10/2015 at 8:00am - misc - by Spa Catholic - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit on the carpet. I thought it was just a clever ruse to get me into the living room for a birthday surprise. It wasn't. There really was dog shit that I had to clean up, with no "Happy birthday"s even uttered. FML

#21397338
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31687) - you deserved it (2661)

On 04/21/2015 at 8:51am - animals - by 21ShitCleaner - United States (California)

Today, while trying to quit my horrible job at a pizza place, I got so nervous that I accidentally offered to work double my usual hours for another month. FML

#21451712
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20963) - you deserved it (14719)

On 08/04/2015 at 9:31am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband asked me to buy a different brand of dish soap, as the one he was using wasn't working. After a quick look, I had to agree. The lemon cordial he had been using, while tasting nice, didn't really help clean the dishes. FML

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months was showing me his new phone. He accidentally opened his gallery, which contains 3 photos: one of his motorcycle, one of his new game console, and a naked photo of his ex. FML

#21436861
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24517) - you deserved it (1832)

On 07/05/2015 at 3:18pm - love - by wellthatsucks - United States

Today, I came home from a stay at my girlfriend's place. My little brother stepped on my bag and accidentally switched my vibrator on. I told him the buzzing sound was my electric toothbrush. He went to the bathroom and came back with the toothbrush. He won't stop asking what's in my bag. FML



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