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Today, my parents gave me fat burner pills for my birthday. FML

by fatty / 11/17/2014 at 4:05pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend sent Christmas Carollers to my house to tell me he was breaking up with me. FML

by PyroSam / 12/12/2014 at 1:07pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for saying "It's a stab in the dark, though." According to him, it's a euphemism for anal sex and I was being offensive to a gay colleague, the same one who kept insisting it was no problem. I got written up anyway. FML

by boss stabber / 01/04/2015 at 1:52am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I got a 'Good Morning' text from my boyfriend. Since I hadn't gotten one of those in a while, I thought it was rather nice. That is, until I saw the picture that accompanied it. It was of him, sitting on the toilet and taking a shit. FML

by Anonymous / 04/09/2015 at 11:10am / United States / Love

Today, I was ringing up a woman at work. I saw she'd bought a birthday cake, so I smiled and said I hope whoever it was for has a happy birthday. She looked at me in disgust, told me to mind my own business, then called me a "chucklefuck bitch". Okay then. FML

by retailshell / 01/28/2015 at 10:01am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML

by S to the HIT / 04/08/2015 at 12:08pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, it's been five days since my roommate last talked to me. Although she's not communicating with me verbally, she's excelling at non-verbal communication: slamming doors and drawers, and watching loud videos, all while I desperately try to study. FML

by NoTalkAllGame / 01/27/2015 at 11:12am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't stop looking at my phone while working. I work in the back room, and there is no clock in there. I look at my phone to check the time. That way I know how long I have left in that hellhole. FML

by lion2294 / 03/05/2015 at 4:19am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I told my cousin that I would gladly help him through the loss of my aunt. That is until he started flirting with me. FML

by whateven333 / 02/17/2015 at 11:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell in the shower and knocked myself out. When I came to I turned off the water and called my mom. She seemed more worried about the amount of water I "wasted" than she was about me. FML

by lordtimbit / 03/15/2015 at 11:01am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, feeling in need of a self-esteem boost, I took what I thought was a good selfie and I put it on Facebook. Out of 500 friends, the only response I got was a picture of Saddam Hussein with the caption, "This is why I bomb people." FML

by why they bomb / 03/09/2015 at 2:01am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was snowing but I had to let my dog out, so I picked him up and carried him outside. I slipped, landed on him and ended up breaking his leg. FML

by anonymous / 02/20/2015 at 6:49pm / United States (Arkansas) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend got her wisdom teeth removed. I really want to help her out while she recovers, but her swollen cheeks combined with her natural buck teeth keep making me crack up every time I see her. I can't help it and I'm now in the doghouse. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2015 at 9:20am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Love