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Today, my husband asked me to buy a different brand of dish soap, as the one he was using wasn't working. After a quick look, I had to agree. The lemon cordial he had been using, while tasting nice, didn't really help clean the dishes. FML

Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML

#21441958
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25751) - you deserved it (3656)

On 07/15/2015 at 7:15am - animals - by gassy - United States (Florida)

Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML

#21454749
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33254) - you deserved it (1574)

On 08/11/2015 at 11:30am - misc - by DevastatedWoman (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like cuddling in bed because he hates rebreathing his own carbon dioxide. FML

#21451972
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21687) - you deserved it (2614)

On 08/04/2015 at 10:33pm - love - by Carowl (woman) -

Today, while trying to quit my horrible job at a pizza place, I got so nervous that I accidentally offered to work double my usual hours for another month. FML

#21451712
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20932) - you deserved it (14695)

On 08/04/2015 at 9:31am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answer: 'Well, you don't kiss me often either!". So now she keeps kissing me. FML

#570
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9861) - you deserved it (41673)

On 12/22/2008 at 2:45am - love - by Julian - Sent from mobile version

Today, on her Facebook profile, my ex erased all the pictures where we were together, add her new boyfriend to her friends and changed her status to "I'm so happy". FML

#846
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20759) - you deserved it (5644)

On 01/04/2009 at 4:43pm - love - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to Target to buy some soap and this 65-70 year old woman next to me was asking a sales associate if they had any bubble bath mix. I suddenly pictured her naked, bathing herself and suddenly my dick just couldn't sit still. It's probably because I haven't had sex in over 22 months. FML

#2281
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27006) - you deserved it (10921)

On 01/23/2009 at 3:36am - intimacy - by fecurtis - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend called me by his mother's name for the 100th time. I'm a guy. FML

#4745
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35492) - you deserved it (9610)

On 02/01/2009 at 2:01pm - love - by someonevexed - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML

#209503
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72296) - you deserved it (4597)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:38pm - misc - by arrrrggggghhhh (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML

#179475
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52594) - you deserved it (9245)

On 03/02/2009 at 12:52am - kids - by alejita (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got my laptop back after sending it to Dell to repair water damage after a night of partying. Dell returned my computer unrepaired, saying it was unfixable. When I called to ask why they couldn't fix it, they told me it was a biohazard. Someone got drunk and pissed on my laptop. FML

#529692
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55522) - you deserved it (22617)

On 03/22/2009 at 12:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at work at a local hot dog chain. A child (about 10, who I've seen there before) came in to order food for his Dad. He orders very excitedly, and I told him he'd be a great worker here when he gets older. He said "oh no, my Dad says I'm too smart to work in a place like this." FML

#850361
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59113) - you deserved it (13278)

On 04/07/2009 at 8:50am - work - by GT716 (man) - United States (New York)



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