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Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML

#8663511
369 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12566) - you deserved it (26432)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by hannah12345 - Sent from mobile version

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

#17109043
429 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31889) - you deserved it (91625)

On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my girlfriend smelt my penis after I got back from the gym. She was making sure it didn't smell like latex. I can't even go to the gym without her thinking I'm cheating on her. FML

#16700863
357 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45034) - you deserved it (9609)

On 06/16/2011 at 8:33pm - intimacy - by evomadrid24 - United States (California)

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML

#8751188
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44803) - you deserved it (9860)

On 03/01/2010 at 5:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to dig up my twin boys birth certificates for baseball registration. Turns out I had been calling both of them by the other twin's name for eight and a half years. FML

#16847763
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18545) - you deserved it (63403)

On 06/25/2011 at 9:39am - kids - by beekeke45 - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, while shopping at American Eagle, I found the same "$1,500" wedding ring my fiancé proposed to me with, marked on sale for $10.95. FML

#15904630
382 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50429) - you deserved it (8982)

On 04/24/2011 at 1:56am - love - by kyla - United States (California)

Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. This means I am either an adoptee, a mutant, or an illegitimate child. FML

#915764
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (169346) - you deserved it (8514)

On 04/11/2009 at 3:14pm - misc - by hedgehog5 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML

#10652042
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35472) - you deserved it (6946)

On 05/20/2010 at 5:32pm - misc - by fml - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

#15472026
413 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50170) - you deserved it (8175)

On 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm - misc - by omg - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

#17884513
423 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33040) - you deserved it (9247)

On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my husband is the biological father of my baby sister. FML

#19603084
413 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58988) - you deserved it (3206)

On 05/10/2012 at 4:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went on a date, the first one I've been on since my last boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. We were in a restaurant, and at the end of meal he insisted on paying the bill. He wanted to leave a 15% tip but couldn't work out in his head how much to leave. The bill was for £100. FML

#15336709
350 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26585) - you deserved it (13767)

On 03/16/2011 at 1:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML

#16410366
408 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16739) - you deserved it (77328)

On 05/29/2011 at 11:34pm - intimacy - by yummy - United States (Tennessee)



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