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Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML

#7773873
416 comments

I agree, your life sucks (109057) - you deserved it (12731)

On 02/01/2010 at 5:23am - misc - by doesnttastegood (woman) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, I went to the hospital in premature labor. Alone, I texted my best friend/crush and asked him to come and sit with me for an hour while I waited on my mom to arrive. Eating cornflakes and watching TV, he replied "I can't". Apparently TV is more important than a best friend in labor. FML

Today, I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. It was a man with a speech impediment, and I began imitating him. He was the manager of a store I applied at. He wanted to arrange an interview. FML

#2237566
423 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12987) - you deserved it (219574)

On 05/24/2009 at 10:50am - work - by oopsie (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my vegetarian housemate cleaned the fridge. He threw away all of the meat in our fridge and made a nice sign stating "Meat is Murder". I was storing roughly $1000 worth of filet mignon steaks and seafood for my sister's wedding. FML

#5416857
452 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60973) - you deserved it (5300)

On 09/22/2009 at 5:48pm - misc - by carnivore (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. FML

#11723060
389 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62496) - you deserved it (8537)

On 07/07/2010 at 12:40pm - love - by whatheffers (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off the $1.00 menu to save money. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and a bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $2,000 in bills. Really. FML

#1547778
421 comments

I agree, your life sucks (164607) - you deserved it (25181)

On 05/02/2009 at 12:56am - health - by Sick (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I came home and found out that my new roommate, who smokes half a pack of cigarettes a day and drinks heavily 5 nights a week, had smashed my $300 bong because "weed is a horrible and deadly drug that will kill you slowly." FML

Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML

#8663511
369 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12527) - you deserved it (26397)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by hannah12345 - Sent from mobile version

Today, my daughter spent three hours crying and having a temper tantrum over being forced to have a bath after four days without one. My daughter is 16. FML

#16862726
413 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46142) - you deserved it (10178)

On 06/26/2011 at 6:32am - kids - by Unsanitary (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I came home from work to find that my girlfriend had sold all of my N64 and Atari games and both the consoles and bought me a PS4 with the money. While I was standing there in shock, she kissed me on the cheek and said, "I know, I'm the greatest." FML

#21361122
458 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43537) - you deserved it (4007)

On 02/22/2015 at 3:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

#17109043
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31401) - you deserved it (90618)

On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

#4483118
389 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54874) - you deserved it (20473)

On 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm - kids - by Ouch (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML

#8751188
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44723) - you deserved it (9848)

On 03/01/2010 at 5:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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