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Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

#17884513
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36897) - you deserved it (9870)

On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend smelt my penis after I got back from the gym. She was making sure it didn't smell like latex. I can't even go to the gym without her thinking I'm cheating on her. FML

#16700863
360 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46992) - you deserved it (9892)

On 06/16/2011 at 8:33pm - intimacy - by evomadrid24 - United States (California)

Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. This means I am either an adoptee, a mutant, or an illegitimate child. FML

#915764
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (181323) - you deserved it (9524)

On 04/11/2009 at 3:14pm - misc - by hedgehog5 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my friend and I wanted to get some alcohol (we're under 21). We went to a liquor store and asked a random guy to go in and buy us some vodka. After giving him $20, he said he had to go turn off his car, then he'd get us the drinks. He got in his car and drove off, with my $20. FML

#1248718
435 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21684) - you deserved it (250637)

On 04/23/2009 at 3:16am - misc - by danielle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to dig up my twin boys birth certificates for baseball registration. Turns out I had been calling both of them by the other twin's name for eight and a half years. FML

#16847763
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19536) - you deserved it (65444)

On 06/25/2011 at 9:39am - kids - by beekeke45 - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, while shopping at American Eagle, I found the same "$1,500" wedding ring my fiancé proposed to me with, marked on sale for $10.95. FML

#15904630
384 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53104) - you deserved it (9320)

On 04/24/2011 at 1:56am - love - by kyla - United States (California)

Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML

#11524663
435 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12053) - you deserved it (70126)

On 06/28/2010 at 7:37pm - health - by Pain (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

#15472026
417 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53437) - you deserved it (8503)

On 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm - misc - by omg - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML

#3398201
420 comments

I agree, your life sucks (164470) - you deserved it (10628)

On 07/01/2009 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML

#14023923
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26840) - you deserved it (54608)

On 11/29/2010 at 2:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML

#16410366
413 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18765) - you deserved it (82032)

On 05/29/2011 at 11:34pm - intimacy - by yummy - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I corrected someone who spelled "learned" as "learnt" on my favorite forum. Nothing could've prepared me for the torrent of abuse that followed from the non-American members. Now I'm banned for "trolling," and all my 7,000+ posts since 2006 are gone forever. FML

#19593515
448 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16460) - you deserved it (39701)

On 05/08/2012 at 6:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out that my husband is the biological father of my baby sister. FML

#19603084
415 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62501) - you deserved it (3472)

On 05/10/2012 at 4:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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