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Today, I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. It was a man with a speech impediment, and I began imitating him. He was the manager of a store I applied at. He wanted to arrange an interview. FML

#2237566
421 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12902) - you deserved it (216798)

On 05/24/2009 at 10:50am - work - by oopsie (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off the $1.00 menu to save money. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and a bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $2,000 in bills. Really. FML

#1547778
419 comments

I agree, your life sucks (158582) - you deserved it (24006)

On 05/02/2009 at 12:56am - health - by Sick (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML

#8663511
367 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12489) - you deserved it (26291)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by hannah12345 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML

#11524663
434 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10340) - you deserved it (65892)

On 06/28/2010 at 7:37pm - health - by Pain (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

#4483118
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53265) - you deserved it (19919)

On 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm - kids - by Ouch (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML

#8751188
401 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43199) - you deserved it (9580)

On 03/01/2010 at 5:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I bitched out my boyfriend for logging into my facebook account and deleting EVERY male (even family) off my friends list. He accused me of wanting to cheat on him and has forced me to say "sorry." FML

#9040690
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33769) - you deserved it (15594)

On 03/13/2010 at 4:03am - love - by amber - United States (Arkansas)

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

#17109043
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31003) - you deserved it (89784)

On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I had to dig up my twin boys birth certificates for baseball registration. Turns out I had been calling both of them by the other twin's name for eight and a half years. FML

#16847763
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17481) - you deserved it (61366)

On 06/25/2011 at 9:39am - kids - by beekeke45 - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I corrected someone who spelled "learned" as "learnt" on my favorite forum. Nothing could've prepared me for the torrent of abuse that followed from the non-American members. Now I'm banned for "trolling," and all my 7,000+ posts since 2006 are gone forever. FML

#19593515
446 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14410) - you deserved it (36248)

On 05/08/2012 at 6:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML

#1930337
406 comments

I agree, your life sucks (361728) - you deserved it (17991)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

#17884513
423 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32853) - you deserved it (9224)

On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was eating jell-o and was reading a fact website, when I read that gelatin is made from the collagen in cow or pig bones. I'm vegetarian. FML

#13394926
444 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10424) - you deserved it (61471)

On 10/10/2010 at 5:47pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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