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Today, I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. It was a man with a speech impediment, and I began imitating him. He was the manager of a store I applied at. He wanted to arrange an interview. FML

#2237566
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13065) - you deserved it (222395)

On 05/24/2009 at 10:50am - work - by oopsie (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was feeling a little naughty, so I put on a sexy outfit, laid down on the hood of my boyfriend's car, and waited for him to find me. When he came into the garage and saw me, he freaked out and bitched at me, because I "could have dented the chassis". FML

#17322871
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34315) - you deserved it (14977)

On 07/31/2011 at 6:19pm - intimacy - by username (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML

#6472262
388 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7326) - you deserved it (80881)

On 11/27/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by obsessed (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

#2244608
455 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42333) - you deserved it (145776)

On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

#4483118
395 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56074) - you deserved it (20948)

On 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm - kids - by Ouch (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to the hospital in premature labor. Alone, I texted my best friend/crush and asked him to come and sit with me for an hour while I waited on my mom to arrive. Eating cornflakes and watching TV, he replied "I can't". Apparently TV is more important than a best friend in labor. FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. FML

#11723060
389 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62636) - you deserved it (8546)

On 07/07/2010 at 12:40pm - love - by whatheffers (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my daughter spent three hours crying and having a temper tantrum over being forced to have a bath after four days without one. My daughter is 16. FML

#16862726
414 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47187) - you deserved it (10400)

On 06/26/2011 at 6:32am - kids - by Unsanitary (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML

#1930337
411 comments

I agree, your life sucks (382777) - you deserved it (19765)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML

#8663511
370 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14040) - you deserved it (28961)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by hannah12345 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was proposed to in a McDonald's. FML

#9127255
445 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58572) - you deserved it (13621)

On 03/16/2010 at 6:55am - love - by hater -

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

#17109043
429 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32267) - you deserved it (92334)

On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)



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