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Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
438 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33709) - you deserved it (146459)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

#2244608
455 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42226) - you deserved it (145246)

On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML

#6472262
387 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7306) - you deserved it (80671)

On 11/27/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by obsessed (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my girlfriend chose the most expensive restaurant in town, then spent the entire time facebooking, texting, and playing games on her phone while I dined in silence. This is the second time we've been out this week. She didn't even eat her food. I didn't even get a thank you. FML

#15749672
420 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55640) - you deserved it (14025)

On 04/12/2011 at 12:27am - love - by BrokeAndPsst (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. It was a man with a speech impediment, and I began imitating him. He was the manager of a store I applied at. He wanted to arrange an interview. FML

#2237566
424 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13021) - you deserved it (220762)

On 05/24/2009 at 10:50am - work - by oopsie (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to the hospital in premature labor. Alone, I texted my best friend/crush and asked him to come and sit with me for an hour while I waited on my mom to arrive. Eating cornflakes and watching TV, he replied "I can't". Apparently TV is more important than a best friend in labor. FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. FML

#11723060
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62556) - you deserved it (8542)

On 07/07/2010 at 12:40pm - love - by whatheffers (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off the $1.00 menu to save money. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and a bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $2,000 in bills. Really. FML

#1547778
422 comments

I agree, your life sucks (164587) - you deserved it (25208)

On 05/02/2009 at 12:56am - health - by Sick (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

#4483118
392 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54944) - you deserved it (20491)

On 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm - kids - by Ouch (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my daughter spent three hours crying and having a temper tantrum over being forced to have a bath after four days without one. My daughter is 16. FML

#16862726
414 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46189) - you deserved it (10185)

On 06/26/2011 at 6:32am - kids - by Unsanitary (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML

#8663511
369 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12557) - you deserved it (26406)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by hannah12345 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I bitched out my boyfriend for logging into my facebook account and deleting EVERY male (even family) off my friends list. He accused me of wanting to cheat on him and has forced me to say "sorry." FML

#9040690
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35462) - you deserved it (16198)

On 03/13/2010 at 4:03am - love - by amber - United States (Arkansas)



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