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Today, my dog startd to ump my leg. He always does tis an I eard tat umping te dog back assertd dominance. Well, I decidd to, an I dry umpd im back. As I was doing tis I said ( How do u like tat! ) And ten my mom walkd in.

#2026481
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33689) - you deserved it (146295)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today... I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. It was a man with a speech impediment... and I began imitating him. He was the manager of a store I applid at. He wantd to arrange an interview. FML

#2237566
424 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13004) - you deserved it (220284)

On 05/24/2009 at 10:50am - work - by oopsie (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out thathilst I was asleep last night, mah boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out thathenever he unlockd a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes an putting it in mah mouth. FML

#7773873
415 comments

I agree, your life sucks (109199) - you deserved it (12728)

On 02/01/2010 at 5:23am - misc - by doesnttastegood (woman) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off the $1.00 menu to save money . Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning . After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and a bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $2,000 in bills . Really . FML

#1547778
422 comments

I agree, your life sucks (164342) - you deserved it (25193)

On 05/02/2009 at 12:56am - health - by Sick (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a date with this really cute guy . He invitd me over to make dinner at his place . Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex . He pulls down my panties an says, "You ned to shave that shit." mega FML

#2734034
457 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51875) - you deserved it (65309)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:27am - intimacy - by lagirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the hospital in premature labor. Alone, I texted my best friend/crush and asked him to come and sit with me fir an hourhile I waited on my mom to arrive. Eating cornflakes and watching TV, he replied "I can't". Apparently TV is more important than a best friend in labor. big fat FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. looool FML

#11723060
389 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62527) - you deserved it (8539)

On 07/07/2010 at 12:40pm - love - by whatheffers (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs an pink bedding to go with mah babby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

#4483118
391 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54911) - you deserved it (20480)

On 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm - kids - by Ouch (man) - United States (Ohio)

Yesterday ma moter walked in on ma boyfriend licking wipped cream off ma nipples. FML

#8663511
369 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12541) - you deserved it (26381)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by hannah12345 - Sent from mobile version

Today, my daughter spent three hours crying and having a temper tantrum over being forced to have a bath after four days without one!! My daughter is 16!! FML

#16862726
413 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46162) - you deserved it (10181)

On 06/26/2011 at 6:32am - kids - by Unsanitary (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Yesterday, I bitched out mah boyfriend 4 logging into mah facebook account and deleting EVERY male (even family) off mah friend list. He accused me of wanting to cheat on him and has forced me to say "sorry." FML

#9040690
427 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35438) - you deserved it (16187)

On 03/13/2010 at 4:03am - love - by amber - United States (Arkansas)

Today, as a joke, I hid under mah parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tereing each other's cloths off. I had to keep mah breath in time with mah mom's panting an moaning as mah dad brutally dominated her. FML

#17109043
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31425) - you deserved it (90674)

On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)

Today, it's mah brthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The frst one was mah fiancé, saying he wantd his ring back. The second one was mah best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with mah fiancé fir the past three months. The thrd was the dentist's office singing me a happy brthday. FML

#1930337
409 comments

I agree, your life sucks (374711) - you deserved it (19025)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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