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Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML

#13351667
420 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46136) - you deserved it (14717)

On 10/07/2010 at 2:29am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I took my girlfriend out for dinner to a fancy Italian restaurant for our one year anniversary. After giving her some roses, freshly baked cookies, and a thoughtful poem I wrote for her, she started laughing and asked for her real gift. FML

#18202130
410 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45765) - you deserved it (6604)

On 11/09/2011 at 3:00pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was feeling a little naughty, so I put on a sexy outfit, laid down on the hood of my boyfriend's car, and waited for him to find me. When he came into the garage and saw me, he freaked out and bitched at me, because I "could have dented the chassis". FML

#17322871
425 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34119) - you deserved it (14925)

On 07/31/2011 at 6:19pm - intimacy - by username (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML

#17067732
422 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13596) - you deserved it (52778)

On 07/11/2011 at 3:21pm - kids - by dummy (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML

#3639578
458 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60858) - you deserved it (31524)

On 07/10/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by takinabreak (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33606) - you deserved it (145879)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend chose the most expensive restaurant in town, then spent the entire time facebooking, texting, and playing games on her phone while I dined in silence. This is the second time we've been out this week. She didn't even eat her food. I didn't even get a thank you. FML

#15749672
419 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53516) - you deserved it (13574)

On 04/12/2011 at 12:27am - love - by BrokeAndPsst (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to the hospital in premature labor. Alone, I texted my best friend/crush and asked him to come and sit with me for an hour while I waited on my mom to arrive. Eating cornflakes and watching TV, he replied "I can't". Apparently TV is more important than a best friend in labor. FML

Today, my vegetarian housemate cleaned the fridge. He threw away all of the meat in our fridge and made a nice sign stating "Meat is Murder". I was storing roughly $1000 worth of filet mignon steaks and seafood for my sister's wedding. FML

#5416857
452 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60910) - you deserved it (5297)

On 09/22/2009 at 5:48pm - misc - by carnivore (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML

#7773873
415 comments

I agree, your life sucks (108796) - you deserved it (12724)

On 02/01/2010 at 5:23am - misc - by doesnttastegood (woman) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. FML

#11723060
389 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60850) - you deserved it (8362)

On 07/07/2010 at 12:40pm - love - by whatheffers (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off the $1.00 menu to save money. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and a bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $2,000 in bills. Really. FML

#1547778
421 comments

I agree, your life sucks (162779) - you deserved it (24853)

On 05/02/2009 at 12:56am - health - by Sick (woman) - United States (Florida)



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