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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I took my girlfriend out for dinner to a fancy Italian restaurant for our one year anniversary. After giving her some roses, freshly baked cookies, and a thoughtful poem I wrote for her, she started laughing and asked for her real gift. FML

#18202130
415 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49915) - you deserved it (7016)

On 11/09/2011 at 3:00pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off the $1.00 menu to save money. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and a bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $2,000 in bills. Really. FML

#1547778
430 comments

I agree, your life sucks (172500) - you deserved it (26458)

On 05/02/2009 at 12:56am - health - by Sick (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML

#13351667
424 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51019) - you deserved it (15837)

On 10/07/2010 at 2:29am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was feeling a little naughty, so I put on a sexy outfit, laid down on the hood of my boyfriend's car, and waited for him to find me. When he came into the garage and saw me, he freaked out and bitched at me, because I "could have dented the chassis". FML

#17322871
429 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36938) - you deserved it (15853)

On 07/31/2011 at 6:19pm - intimacy - by username (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML

#6472262
392 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8637) - you deserved it (86542)

On 11/27/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by obsessed (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my girlfriend chose the most expensive restaurant in town, then spent the entire time facebooking, texting, and playing games on her phone while I dined in silence. This is the second time we've been out this week. She didn't even eat her food. I didn't even get a thank you. FML

#15749672
424 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58039) - you deserved it (14492)

On 04/12/2011 at 12:27am - love - by BrokeAndPsst (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to the hospital in premature labor. Alone, I texted my best friend/crush and asked him to come and sit with me for an hour while I waited on my mom to arrive. Eating cornflakes and watching TV, he replied "I can't". Apparently TV is more important than a best friend in labor. FML

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

#4483118
396 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57817) - you deserved it (21681)

On 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm - kids - by Ouch (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML

#1930337
413 comments

I agree, your life sucks (395420) - you deserved it (20823)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. FML

#11723060
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64659) - you deserved it (8738)

On 07/07/2010 at 12:40pm - love - by whatheffers (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML

#8663511
372 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14750) - you deserved it (30121)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by hannah12345 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I bitched out my boyfriend for logging into my facebook account and deleting EVERY male (even family) off my friends list. He accused me of wanting to cheat on him and has forced me to say "sorry." FML

#9040690
421 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37762) - you deserved it (16999)

On 03/13/2010 at 4:03am - love - by amber - United States (Arkansas)

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

#17109043
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33385) - you deserved it (94416)

On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)



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