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Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32014) - you deserved it (141795)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML

#4976961
421 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18409) - you deserved it (358260)

On 09/01/2009 at 2:05pm - work - by Hairball (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML

#13351667
419 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46021) - you deserved it (14703)

On 10/07/2010 at 2:29am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my vegetarian housemate cleaned the fridge. He threw away all of the meat in our fridge and made a nice sign stating "Meat is Murder". I was storing roughly $1000 worth of filet mignon steaks and seafood for my sister's wedding. FML

#5416857
452 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60768) - you deserved it (5290)

On 09/22/2009 at 5:48pm - misc - by carnivore (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML

#7773873
415 comments

I agree, your life sucks (108350) - you deserved it (12703)

On 02/01/2010 at 5:23am - misc - by doesnttastegood (woman) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, my girlfriend chose the most expensive restaurant in town, then spent the entire time facebooking, texting, and playing games on her phone while I dined in silence. This is the second time we've been out this week. She didn't even eat her food. I didn't even get a thank you. FML

#15749672
418 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53428) - you deserved it (13561)

On 04/12/2011 at 12:27am - love - by BrokeAndPsst (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I came home and found out that my new roommate, who smokes half a pack of cigarettes a day and drinks heavily 5 nights a week, had smashed my $300 bong because "weed is a horrible and deadly drug that will kill you slowly." FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. FML

#11723060
388 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60753) - you deserved it (8356)

On 07/07/2010 at 12:40pm - love - by whatheffers (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my daughter spent three hours crying and having a temper tantrum over being forced to have a bath after four days without one. My daughter is 16. FML

#16862726
413 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44486) - you deserved it (9946)

On 06/26/2011 at 6:32am - kids - by Unsanitary (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I went to the hospital in premature labor. Alone, I texted my best friend/crush and asked him to come and sit with me for an hour while I waited on my mom to arrive. Eating cornflakes and watching TV, he replied "I can't". Apparently TV is more important than a best friend in labor. FML

Today, I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. It was a man with a speech impediment, and I began imitating him. He was the manager of a store I applied at. He wanted to arrange an interview. FML

#2237566
421 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12901) - you deserved it (216832)

On 05/24/2009 at 10:50am - work - by oopsie (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off the $1.00 menu to save money. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and a bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $2,000 in bills. Really. FML

#1547778
419 comments

I agree, your life sucks (158600) - you deserved it (24006)

On 05/02/2009 at 12:56am - health - by Sick (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML

#8663511
367 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12489) - you deserved it (26291)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by hannah12345 - Sent from mobile version



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