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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while I was trying to explain to my friend how smoking weed everyday doesn't make you stupid, I forgot what I was talking about mid-sentence. FML

#16077554
481 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14279) - you deserved it (84415)

On 05/07/2011 at 11:29am - misc - by BCBUDDY - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML

#17390536
447 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41286) - you deserved it (5974)

On 08/06/2011 at 8:27pm - love - by FML! - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at the zoo. With a Ring Pop. He was serious. FML

#3470108
423 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65375) - you deserved it (12785)

On 07/04/2009 at 12:49am - love - by Cococautly (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went out on a first date with a cute guy. Turns out we won't be going on a date again because I didn't know the difference between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek." FML

#1968718
451 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29338) - you deserved it (66609)

On 05/15/2009 at 5:17pm - love - by not4geeks (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML

#17367544
434 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8681) - you deserved it (113377)

On 08/04/2011 at 2:28pm - money - by Joe - United States (Florida)

Today, while driving home from work, I noticed the driver next to me was happily chatting on her phone. I fucking despise these would-be murderers, so I slammed my horn to signal my disgust. She panicked and swerved straight into my car. FML

#19761420
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17692) - you deserved it (58466)

On 06/09/2012 at 5:35pm - misc - by k - United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin)

Today, I read a PostSecret that said "I'm afraid my thighs will start to touch soon." My thighs have always touched. I didn't even know thighs weren't supposed to touch. FML

#1444188
457 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57277) - you deserved it (11011)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:13am - health - by fat_thighs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my step-mom yelled at me for an hour, calling me a slut because our male dog saw me naked. FML

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

#19506149
430 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44316) - you deserved it (4060)

On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon

Today, I came home to find a BMW partially blocking my driveway. I was already having a bad day, and was upset that some stuck up fool blocked my driveway, so I keyed the driver's side. 5 minutes later my parents show up. The BMW was a graduation gift for me. FML

#3553930
395 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22277) - you deserved it (219495)

On 07/07/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by Stoopid (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

#13026235
418 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31843) - you deserved it (28442)

On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I took my girlfriend out for a fancy dinner to celebrate our anniversary. When the waitress came, we instantly recognized each other. She was the girl I'd had a one night stand with a few weeks before. FML

#19066381
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9467) - you deserved it (115106)

On 02/13/2012 at 4:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

#784043
471 comments

I agree, your life sucks (424676) - you deserved it (67612)

On 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by rebekah (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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