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Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML

#15546300
422 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71836) - you deserved it (9849)

On 03/29/2011 at 1:26pm - intimacy - by Johntheladdo (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML

#2734034
458 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51928) - you deserved it (65355)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:27am - intimacy - by lagirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went out on a first date with a cute guy. Turns out we won't be going on a date again because I didn't know the difference between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek." FML

#1968718
452 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29360) - you deserved it (66685)

On 05/15/2009 at 5:17pm - love - by not4geeks (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML

#17367544
435 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8693) - you deserved it (113569)

On 08/04/2011 at 2:28pm - money - by Joe - United States (Florida)

Today, while I was trying to explain to my friend how smoking weed everyday doesn't make you stupid, I forgot what I was talking about mid-sentence. FML

#16077554
481 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14292) - you deserved it (84491)

On 05/07/2011 at 11:29am - misc - by BCBUDDY - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML

#17390536
447 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41343) - you deserved it (5979)

On 08/06/2011 at 8:27pm - love - by FML! - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came home to find a BMW partially blocking my driveway. I was already having a bad day, and was upset that some stuck up fool blocked my driveway, so I keyed the driver's side. 5 minutes later my parents show up. The BMW was a graduation gift for me. FML

#3553930
397 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22332) - you deserved it (220648)

On 07/07/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by Stoopid (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend who was planning on waiting until marriage for sex decided to have sex with me. It's been 4 hours and she hasn't stopped crying, praying and calling me the devil's temptation. FML

#16998038
360 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53644) - you deserved it (16781)

On 07/06/2011 at 7:26am - intimacy - by devilboy - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

#784043
474 comments

I agree, your life sucks (427793) - you deserved it (67776)

On 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by rebekah (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while driving home from work, I noticed the driver next to me was happily chatting on her phone. I fucking despise these would-be murderers, so I slammed my horn to signal my disgust. She panicked and swerved straight into my car. FML

#19761420
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18512) - you deserved it (60135)

On 06/09/2012 at 5:35pm - misc - by k - United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin)

Today, my step-mom yelled at me for an hour, calling me a slut because our male dog saw me naked. FML

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

#19506149
430 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44656) - you deserved it (4097)

On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

#13026235
418 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31905) - you deserved it (28454)

On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version



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