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Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML

#4235040
419 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16393) - you deserved it (129085)

On 08/02/2009 at 6:03pm - misc - by jeeperspeepers (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was walking to the kitchen in the dark. Something caught my eye and I turned to see a man standing in the corner, clear as day. I jumped and closed my eyes for a split second. When I opened them, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm now terrified to live in my own home. FML

#18338481
494 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49722) - you deserved it (4650)

On 11/24/2011 at 3:30pm - misc - by haunted (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I went out on a first date with a cute guy. Turns out we won't be going on a date again because I didn't know the difference between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek." FML

#1968718
458 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31042) - you deserved it (70371)

On 05/15/2009 at 5:17pm - love - by not4geeks (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML

#15546300
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74159) - you deserved it (10166)

On 03/29/2011 at 1:26pm - intimacy - by Johntheladdo (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

#784043
481 comments

I agree, your life sucks (447070) - you deserved it (74319)

On 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by rebekah (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me. She took everything, including the kidney I gave her a year ago. FML

#17417239
430 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61818) - you deserved it (6151)

On 08/09/2011 at 10:50am - love - by aliixmaee - United States

Today, I had to explain to my son that his dad was too busy in a raid on World of Warcraft to be at his award ceremony. FML

#7816615
491 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51360) - you deserved it (38655)

On 02/02/2010 at 3:30pm - kids - by fuckmylife (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

#2244608
456 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45646) - you deserved it (154088)

On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took my girlfriend out for a fancy dinner to celebrate our anniversary. When the waitress came, we instantly recognized each other. She was the girl I'd had a one night stand with a few weeks before. FML

#19066381
442 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10956) - you deserved it (125715)

On 02/13/2012 at 4:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, my girlfriend who was planning on waiting until marriage for sex decided to have sex with me. It's been 4 hours and she hasn't stopped crying, praying and calling me the devil's temptation. FML

#16998038
363 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57075) - you deserved it (17566)

On 07/06/2011 at 7:26am - intimacy - by devilboy - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML

#17390536
449 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45464) - you deserved it (6382)

On 08/06/2011 at 8:27pm - love - by FML! - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while driving home from work, I noticed the driver next to me was happily chatting on her phone. I fucking despise these would-be murderers, so I slammed my horn to signal my disgust. She panicked and swerved straight into my car. FML

#19761420
391 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19465) - you deserved it (61992)

On 06/09/2012 at 5:35pm - misc - by k - United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin)

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

#19506149
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46462) - you deserved it (4247)

On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon



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