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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my boyfriend gave me a bucket of Twizzlers for our 1 year anniversary because 'he knew I liked them.' He has no idea why I am so upset. FML

#6303119
478 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15976) - you deserved it (42535)

On 11/14/2009 at 4:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

#17365411
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13904) - you deserved it (56991)

On 08/04/2011 at 9:41am - kids - by makeitstop (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my grandmother patched up my $300, vintage, limited edition, designer jeans because she thought I'd accidentally ripped them. FML

#203751
457 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37345) - you deserved it (83126)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:40am - money - by ch (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML

#329882
447 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26942) - you deserved it (292662)

On 03/14/2009 at 9:30pm - misc - by SwedishBozo (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, it's my 18th birthday. My parents got me a $5 gift certificate to iTunes. It came for free with the iPhone they just bought my sister for her middle school graduation. FML

#580113
484 comments

I agree, your life sucks (610547) - you deserved it (38117)

On 03/24/2009 at 5:15pm - misc - by happybirthday (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

#2244608
455 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42074) - you deserved it (144418)

On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend proposed. The ring just had a piece of graphite on it. My boyfriend argued that since graphite and diamonds are both just forms of carbon, it is the same thing. FML

#12899907
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31357) - you deserved it (12362)

On 09/04/2010 at 10:08am - misc - by pencilring (woman) - United States

Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML

#15546300
420 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70091) - you deserved it (9655)

On 03/29/2011 at 1:26pm - intimacy - by Johntheladdo (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, while I was trying to explain to my friend how smoking weed everyday doesn't make you stupid, I forgot what I was talking about mid-sentence. FML

#16077554
481 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14274) - you deserved it (84290)

On 05/07/2011 at 11:29am - misc - by BCBUDDY - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at the zoo. With a Ring Pop. He was serious. FML

#3470108
423 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65269) - you deserved it (12777)

On 07/04/2009 at 12:49am - love - by Cococautly (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML

#17367544
434 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8662) - you deserved it (113076)

On 08/04/2011 at 2:28pm - money - by Joe - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML

#17390536
447 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41226) - you deserved it (5970)

On 08/06/2011 at 8:27pm - love - by FML! - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML

#2734034
461 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51809) - you deserved it (65230)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:27am - intimacy - by lagirl (woman) - United States (California)



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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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