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Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML

#217348
418 comments

I agree, your life sucks (487071) - you deserved it (46113)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, due to the cold, windy weather, I decided to wear my brand-new cute (and expensive) jacket that has a faux-fur hood. As I walked down the street, numerous PETA members attacked me with red liquid. I'm a Vegan and an animal-rights activist. FML

#1200531
469 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61078) - you deserved it (22649)

On 04/21/2009 at 6:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me because the love advice that she gets on her cellphone every week says that I'm cheating on her. I've never cheated on her and I was planning to propose next week. FML

#2630668
467 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87439) - you deserved it (5636)

On 06/05/2009 at 1:14pm - love - by dumped (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML

#15336474
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46342) - you deserved it (8141)

On 03/16/2011 at 12:50pm - intimacy - by thisblows - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my very handsome, fit, Russian boyfriend tried to make me feel better about being a little overweight by telling me, "It's okay, you're American, everyone expects you to be fat." FML

#10696817
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33372) - you deserved it (14596)

On 05/22/2010 at 7:24pm - love - by ChubbyAmerican (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was called by my son's school. They said he'd been forging my signature and comments in his reading book. He didn't forge them. I don't know what's worse: my handwriting looking like a 6 year old's, or being too cowardly to admit it. He has a week of lunch detention, but I still have my dignity. FML

#5291551
482 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9102) - you deserved it (104173)

On 09/16/2009 at 1:05pm - kids - by Mac - Sent from mobile version

Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML

#19357429
423 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29000) - you deserved it (23230)

On 03/27/2012 at 1:51pm - kids - by azmom - United States (Arizona)

Today, I ignored my cat's incessant meowing, and pushed him away every time he wanted to be petted. The next time I walked downstairs I found him dead. FML

#5210731
393 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26144) - you deserved it (88485)

On 09/12/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my history teacher confiscated my iPhone. She dropped it on the way back to her desk, and I now have a shattered iPhone screen to fix. FML

#19233379
431 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27237) - you deserved it (28131)

On 03/07/2012 at 2:25pm - misc - by sad face - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom had my girlfriend and I over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

#172507
484 comments

I agree, your life sucks (114979) - you deserved it (269439)

On 03/01/2009 at 4:58pm - love - by MrCanoe (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

#2418263
455 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21100) - you deserved it (221612)

On 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to go to a birthday party for 10 year old triplets. They've all been dead for more than 9 years. FML

#16755181
391 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39810) - you deserved it (5978)

On 06/20/2011 at 12:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

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