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Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me because the love advice that she gets on her cellphone every week says that I'm cheating on her. I've never cheated on her and I was planning to propose next week. FML

#2630668
466 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87148) - you deserved it (5624)

On 06/05/2009 at 1:14pm - love - by dumped (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML

#15336474
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46217) - you deserved it (8134)

On 03/16/2011 at 12:50pm - intimacy - by thisblows - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, like every day since my birth, my name is Spreme. Yeah, you probably have trouble pronouncing it correctly too. FML

#18227248
465 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40994) - you deserved it (3179) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/12/2011 at 10:42am - misc - by Nico - France

Today, my very handsome, fit, Russian boyfriend tried to make me feel better about being a little overweight by telling me, "It's okay, you're American, everyone expects you to be fat." FML

#10696817
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33217) - you deserved it (14575)

On 05/22/2010 at 7:24pm - love - by ChubbyAmerican (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

#17088739
429 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73632) - you deserved it (7678)

On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML

#217348
412 comments

I agree, your life sucks (476399) - you deserved it (45874)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML

#19357429
420 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28879) - you deserved it (23166)

On 03/27/2012 at 1:51pm - kids - by azmom - United States (Arizona)

Today, my history teacher confiscated my iPhone. She dropped it on the way back to her desk, and I now have a shattered iPhone screen to fix. FML

#19233379
429 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27134) - you deserved it (28046)

On 03/07/2012 at 2:25pm - misc - by sad face - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a bucket of Twizzlers for our 1 year anniversary because 'he knew I liked them.' He has no idea why I am so upset. FML

#6303119
479 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15208) - you deserved it (41320)

On 11/14/2009 at 4:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to go to a birthday party for 10 year old triplets. They've all been dead for more than 9 years. FML

#16755181
389 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39682) - you deserved it (5970)

On 06/20/2011 at 12:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

#17365411
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13859) - you deserved it (56809)

On 08/04/2011 at 9:41am - kids - by makeitstop (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my grandmother patched up my $300, vintage, limited edition, designer jeans because she thought I'd accidentally ripped them. FML

#203751
457 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37234) - you deserved it (82916)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:40am - money - by ch (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

#2418263
450 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20929) - you deserved it (220392)

On 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)



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