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Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

#20731946
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59267) - you deserved it (37019)

On 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm - kids - by young grandpa - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

#17088739
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73753) - you deserved it (7689)

On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML

#217348
416 comments

I agree, your life sucks (481716) - you deserved it (45996)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my very handsome, fit, Russian boyfriend tried to make me feel better about being a little overweight by telling me, "It's okay, you're American, everyone expects you to be fat." FML

#10696817
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33304) - you deserved it (14584)

On 05/22/2010 at 7:24pm - love - by ChubbyAmerican (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML

#15336474
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46274) - you deserved it (8139)

On 03/16/2011 at 12:50pm - intimacy - by thisblows - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, like every day since my birth, my name is Spreme. Yeah, you probably have trouble pronouncing it correctly too. FML

#18227248
465 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41085) - you deserved it (3183) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/12/2011 at 10:42am - misc - by Nico - France

Today, I was called by my son's school. They said he'd been forging my signature and comments in his reading book. He didn't forge them. I don't know what's worse: my handwriting looking like a 6 year old's, or being too cowardly to admit it. He has a week of lunch detention, but I still have my dignity. FML

#5291551
482 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9078) - you deserved it (103896)

On 09/16/2009 at 1:05pm - kids - by Mac - Sent from mobile version

Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML

#19357429
422 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28931) - you deserved it (23201)

On 03/27/2012 at 1:51pm - kids - by azmom - United States (Arizona)

Today, my history teacher confiscated my iPhone. She dropped it on the way back to her desk, and I now have a shattered iPhone screen to fix. FML

#19233379
429 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27188) - you deserved it (28093)

On 03/07/2012 at 2:25pm - misc - by sad face - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to go to a birthday party for 10 year old triplets. They've all been dead for more than 9 years. FML

#16755181
389 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39755) - you deserved it (5975)

On 06/20/2011 at 12:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

#2418263
452 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21009) - you deserved it (220547)

On 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a bucket of Twizzlers for our 1 year anniversary because 'he knew I liked them.' He has no idea why I am so upset. FML

#6303119
478 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15252) - you deserved it (41365)

On 11/14/2009 at 4:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

#17365411
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13871) - you deserved it (56919)

On 08/04/2011 at 9:41am - kids - by makeitstop (woman) - United Kingdom



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