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Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

#960425
683 comments

I agree, your life sucks (696717) - you deserved it (55865)

On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

#2321503
854 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34059) - you deserved it (253672)

On 05/26/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by Jerrrr (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

#86179
739 comments

I agree, your life sucks (771732) - you deserved it (82779)

On 02/20/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by Mick (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my husband and I were diagnosed with herpes. We've been together for five years and were both virgins before. Even the doctor couldn't give any other explanation. FML

#15820031
733 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48825) - you deserved it (6990)

On 04/17/2011 at 10:29am - health - by bumpyroad - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my 15 year old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML

#17010843
708 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18330) - you deserved it (93849)

On 07/07/2011 at 3:43am - kids - by shit - United States

Today, I found that the love of my life is 3.5 inches, fully erect. My cell phone is bigger than that. FML

#15749213
780 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66726) - you deserved it (14042)

On 04/12/2011 at 12:00am - intimacy - by Artic (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML

#2275729
730 comments

I agree, your life sucks (271133) - you deserved it (144299)

On 05/25/2009 at 2:05pm - love - by Angelofkarma (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML

#15430260
699 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70533) - you deserved it (15309)

On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML

#17589386
676 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30142) - you deserved it (49149)

On 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm - kids - by f*ckingdisgusted - United States



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