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Sunday 24 July 2016

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Today, my mom figured that the best time to announce that I'm adopted was during her speech at my wedding. FML

by DidNotExpectThat / 07/18/2016 at 3:30am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to an unexpected surprise for my birthday. It wasn't cake, nor ice cream. It was hundreds of baby spiders crawling all over me. FML

by Anonameow / 07/19/2016 at 9:49am / Animals

Today, I had to make a choice between being kept awake by the heat, or the cackling seagulls outside my window. I still don't know what's worse. FML

Today, I asked one of my teachers to write me a letter of recommendation for my top school. Even though I did fairly well in their class, I found out that they don't think that I'm very intelligent, but my "strong, work ethic" makes up for it. They mentioned it in the letter and submitted it. FML

by rejectedprobably / 07/18/2016 at 7:06pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up and found a turd casually sitting in the bathroom sink. Just 9 more months left on this lease. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2016 at 1:17pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had to stop at Starbucks to get my boss a drink. His son, who is at least 30 minutes late to work every day, was just walking in as I was walking out with all of my stuff. FML

by jaym42013 / 07/22/2016 at 3:29pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, after 6 dentist visits, 2 root canals, and $1,500 that I'll likely have to sell vital organs to pay, the agonizing tooth pain I've had for months is unrelenting. Apparently, shrugging and offering to experimentally yank all my bottom teeth is my smurf-shit of a dentist's actual plan. FML

by aintgotnoteeth / 07/19/2016 at 1:53pm / Health

Today, I saw a homeless man on the street and decided to give him the dollar bill I had left in my wallet. He said "Thank you" then as I turned to walk away, he muttered "Cheap-ass cunt". FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2016 at 2:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money

Today, my best friend and I got in a fight, and we have a 3 hour drive back home together. FML

by Anonymous / 07/18/2016 at 1:29am / Transportation

Today, my father came downstairs, wearing my mother's dressing gown. It didn't fit. FML

Today, I am on a 14 hour flight, stuck next to a large man whose rancid body odor is eclipsed only by his constant flatulence, which he loudly blames on me every time. On my other side is his friend who laughs like a moose at everything. There are no empty seats and no-one will trade with me. FML

by IamHM / 07/19/2016 at 2:36pm / United States (New Mexico) / Transportation

Today, I spent two hours trying to catch a urine sample whilst at urgent care due to my inability to pee in public restrooms. I finally managed one, and was so excited by my success that I fumbled it and spilled it on my pants. FML

by slaughterteddy / 07/20/2016 at 7:23pm / United States / Health

Today, I was told I'm not invited to my best friend's birthday party. Apparently, being divorced and childless doesn't "mesh" well with the rest of the group. My parents are still watching her kids so she can go away for the weekend. FML

by Foreveralone / 07/22/2016 at 4:54am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous