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Friday 24 October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

#21283044
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27081) - you deserved it (2903)

On 10/22/2014 at 10:47am - animals - by MouserMan - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

#21281977
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26302) - you deserved it (4061)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:38pm - misc - by Anonymos_fmler - United States (Illinois)

Today, my younger brother helpfully pointed out that I'm the only one in my family of five who is single. He's twelve. FML

#21283583
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22180) - you deserved it (2011)

On 10/23/2014 at 1:18am - love - by 20singleandproudish (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my boss drove past me while I was walking to work, and splashing mud over my uniform. When I got to work, he criticized me for showing up in unpresentable condition. FML

#21281679
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32298) - you deserved it (2312)

On 10/20/2014 at 11:03am - work - by Chansus10 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had to google the definition of transsexual just to know what the hell my friends were talking about. I need to read a book. FML

#21282666
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12792) - you deserved it (19716)

On 10/21/2014 at 8:36pm - misc - by Awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got drug tested for the second time this week. It's Tuesday. FML

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

#21282836
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26541) - you deserved it (2712)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:18pm - work - by Australian Lifeguard - United States (Arizona)

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

#21283193
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10681) - you deserved it (24473)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by mr_cheese (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML

#21283412
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21989) - you deserved it (2275)

On 10/22/2014 at 9:33pm - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML

#21283795
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17428) - you deserved it (2000)

On 10/23/2014 at 2:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

#21281851
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27209) - you deserved it (1911)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:04pm - work - by Bartender - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my son gave me a bottle of shampoo for my birthday. I'm as bald as a coot. FML

#21282364
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26349) - you deserved it (2523)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:41am - kids - by Bald (man) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, I didn't make dinner fast enough so somebody had a yelling and screaming temper tantrum. It would be understandable if the person who threw the tantrum was a child, and not my 57-year-old father. FML

#21283737
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15633) - you deserved it (1280)

On 10/23/2014 at 11:56am - misc - by mnote (man) - United States (Oklahoma)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

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