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Thursday 23 October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

#21282836
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23761) - you deserved it (2365)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:18pm - work - by Australian Lifeguard - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got drug tested for the second time this week. It's Tuesday. FML

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

#21283193
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5630) - you deserved it (13687)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by mr_cheese (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got in an argument with my teacher for always comparing me to my sister that she had a few years before. After I said, "I'm not my sister so please stop comparing me to her," she responded, "Of course you're not your sister, I actually like your sister." FML

#21283210
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12872) - you deserved it (1813)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:55pm - misc - by Not so much of a teachers pet - United States

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

#21281851
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26015) - you deserved it (1815)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:04pm - work - by Bartender - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my son gave me a bottle of shampoo for my birthday. I'm as bald as a coot. FML

#21282364
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25088) - you deserved it (2368)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:41am - kids - by Bald (man) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, I had sex for the first time with my first boyfriend. We broke up 6 years ago. FML

#21283235
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9480) - you deserved it (3129)

On 10/22/2014 at 5:30pm - love - by Sansa (woman) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, I was passing notes in class with my crush. I started to pour my heart out and tell him about how I've liked him for years. I was caught by the teacher. He looked at it, laughed, and tore it up. He then looked at me and said, "I just saved you from years of embarrassment. You're welcome." FML

#21283544
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6194) - you deserved it (1572)

On 10/23/2014 at 12:04am - love - by Rachel - United States (Ohio)

Today, I showed up to work and my boss was nowhere to be found. A phone call later, I find out he's in Dubai. Oh, and since I'm his personal assistant, I should be able to take care of matters until he gets back. I've only been his assistant for a week. FML

#21281510
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28094) - you deserved it (2034)

On 10/20/2014 at 12:53am - work - by are you kidding me - United States (Kansas)

Today, while doing physical therapy exercises for my broken leg, I managed to throw my back out. Now I can neither walk nor sit up. FML

#21281586
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25991) - you deserved it (2187)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:00am - health - by cray12 - United States

Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML

#21283412
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8707) - you deserved it (821)

On 10/22/2014 at 9:33pm - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my younger brother helpfully pointed out that I'm the only one in my family of five who is single. He's twelve. FML

#21283583
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5751) - you deserved it (455)

On 10/23/2014 at 1:18am - love - by 20singleandproudish (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend so I mounted him and began kissing him. He immediately pretended to snore into my mouth and rolled over, making me fall off of the bed. FML

#21283230
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10752) - you deserved it (1365)

On 10/22/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by CJune24 (woman) - United Kingdom (Kirklees)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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