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Sunday 21 December 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I took a late-night shower. When I got out afterwards, the bathroom door was ajar, and I could have sworn I heard the faint patter of footsteps in the kitchen. "It's probably the cat," I told myself. Then I went upstairs and saw my cat asleep on my bed. FML

#21320813
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20164) - you deserved it (1592)

On 12/20/2014 at 9:41am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I called this girl I've had a crush on for 2 years to confess my love to her. However, as she picked up the phone, I got so nervous that I froze and couldn't say a word. I was standing there, breathing heavily for 20 seconds. She got so freaked out that she threatened to call the police. FML

#21317815
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28951) - you deserved it (7787)

On 12/15/2014 at 6:59am - love - by LonelyGuy (man) - Australia

Today, I found out my Nan passed away. My boyfriend came over to comfort me, things got intimate and we ended up having sex. After he came, he chuckled to himself and said, "That one's for you, Nan". FML

Today, I found out my girlfriend and all of our friends have begun referring to the time I was meant to lose my virginity, but couldn't get hard, as the "cheese stick incident." They all think it's hilarious, and the worst part is that it's actually a pretty appropriate description. FML

#21319860
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24172) - you deserved it (3143)

On 12/18/2014 at 5:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

#21318050
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27018) - you deserved it (2864)

On 12/15/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by thechaos (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, my mom told me how lucky I was to inherit her "asymptomatic" periods. It's true, I don't get cramps, bloating or mood swings with my periods. Nope, just excruciatingly painful diarrhea. Thanks, mom. FML

#21318154
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28303) - you deserved it (2404)

On 12/15/2014 at 8:23pm - misc - by period_probs (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML

#21318557
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27146) - you deserved it (6485)

On 12/16/2014 at 2:26pm - misc - by privatebathroomneeded - United States (California)

Today, I was fired for "smelling like garbage". I'm the guy who throws the garbage into the truck. FML

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

#21318752
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31246) - you deserved it (6141)

On 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm - work - by justjoking - United States

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

#21319149
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26959) - you deserved it (5212)

On 12/17/2014 at 1:47pm - misc - by RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, I went out to a bar with some of my friends. They're all in committed relationships, but every single one of them got hit on. I'm single, and yet again, nobody even said hi to me. FML

#21319659
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27195) - you deserved it (2755)

On 12/18/2014 at 10:34am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, I sent my girlfriend a long-overdue message telling her I feel like she doesn't really care about me any more, that it seems like she only ever calls me when she needs money, and that I'm even starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. 14 hours later, she replied: "TL;DR". FML

#21320982
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11421) - you deserved it (1318)

On 12/20/2014 at 3:45pm - love - by KalaKa (man) - United States



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