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Saturday 29 November 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I farted while asking a girl out to dinner. FML

#21306727
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23215) - you deserved it (4551)

On 11/27/2014 at 10:13am - love - by fart - United States (Michigan)

Today, I spent a hour in my car terrified to go inside because I thought my house was being burgled. I saw rapid shadows in the light of my lounge. Eventually I plucked up the courage to creep inside with a rock to find it wasn't a robber. It was my cats, fighting in front of a toppled lamp. FML

#21305532
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23992) - you deserved it (5142)

On 11/24/2014 at 11:21pm - animals - by amazinghermit (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I realised I was far too attached to my duvet. Literally. I just got a large tattoo on my back, and my duvet somehow stuck to my skin during the night and formed part of the scab. I now have the joy of deciding whether to tear it off fast or peel it away slowly. FML

#21306764
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18528) - you deserved it (4147)

On 11/27/2014 at 11:30am - health - by Dramori -

Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML

#21307273
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17592) - you deserved it (1707)

On 11/28/2014 at 12:25am - misc - by mainlineloser (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I finally noticed how lonely I am when I realized I was petting my couch while reading a book. FML

#21305429
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23040) - you deserved it (2976)

On 11/24/2014 at 9:17pm - misc - by Hammy - United States (Michigan)

Today, I discovered that catching fewer mice in the traps I'd put out doesn't mean my pest problem is getting resolved. It means that rats have moved in. FML

#21305734
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23489) - you deserved it (2091)

On 11/25/2014 at 10:28am - animals - by ratqueen - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom booked a family trip to Sweden. This would be great, if she hadn't asked me to tell our former German exchange student that we were coming to visit her in Germany. She was thrilled. Now I have to be the one to let her down. FML

#21305750
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24096) - you deserved it (2001)

On 11/25/2014 at 11:14am - misc - by Blöde Gans - United States (Florida)

Today, I finally got time to take a nap. Later, my mom asked me if I was depressed because I didn't leave my room for 3 hours. She talked to my dad about it, and now my family thinks I'm depressed because I slept for 3 hours. FML

#21306606
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23720) - you deserved it (1797)

On 11/27/2014 at 2:06am - misc - by Sleep. - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was really excited to get a new bank account in my name. My parents wanted me to have it so they could transfer money from mine to theirs and vice versa. What excited me less was my father drunkenly accessing it and taking all my cash. FML

#21305033
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27824) - you deserved it (3508)

On 11/24/2014 at 7:40am - money - by ugh - United States (New York)

Today, while at work, I really had to pee. Since my break was soon, I decided to hold it as another customer came to my till, but I didn't see she had 3 trolleys full of food. It took ages to scan all of it, and when I left for my break, I had an empty bladder and a wet seat. FML

#21307515
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14216) - you deserved it (2839)

On 11/28/2014 at 12:27pm - work - by I'm so wet, baby - United Kingdom

Today, I finished watching an entire movie after boarding the plane, before the plane even took off. FML

#21307360
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19645) - you deserved it (1545)

On 11/28/2014 at 3:00am - misc - by stampslife - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was locked out of my house. As I was about to knock on the window to ask my girlfriend to let me in, I saw her on the sofa, digging a huge booger out of her nose and eating it. FML

#21307507
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14226) - you deserved it (1666)

On 11/28/2014 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my friend made a fake account on Facebook, pretending to be a girl, and posted my phone number on a sexting group. I've been getting calls and text messages from horny weirdos all day long. FML

#21307548
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11212) - you deserved it (1188)

On 11/28/2014 at 1:43pm - misc - by bullah007 (man) - Pakistan (Punjab)



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