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Sunday 21 September 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went on a blind date. My date would respond to me by saying "retweet" and "favorite" when she thought something was relatable. FML

#21261017
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31633) - you deserved it (2652)

On 09/18/2014 at 11:15pm - love - by clairebear104 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

#21259401
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34884) - you deserved it (3139)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my husband and I broke the news that I'm pregnant. Our 8-year-old son's reactions so far have been crying inconsolably, trying to punch me in the stomach, and swearing that he won't let me give him a brother or sister. FML

#21259449
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32549) - you deserved it (3916)

On 09/16/2014 at 1:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

#21260355
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33808) - you deserved it (3739)

On 09/17/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by HappilyNeverAfter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I video-chatted with my mom and showed her my new, very short haircut. My dad walked in, took one look at me and said, "I can only attribute this to penis envy," and walked out again. FML

#21259205
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26629) - you deserved it (3913)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:31am - kids - by HeIsKindaRightTho (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend. He said it was because he lived 2 hours away, but I think the ultrasound photos his other girlfriend posted proudly on his Facebook wall are the real reason. FML

#21260092
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36879) - you deserved it (3420)

On 09/17/2014 at 3:48pm - love - by kitkat (woman) - United States

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

#21260160
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29309) - you deserved it (3373)

On 09/17/2014 at 5:57pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML

#21258820
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31676) - you deserved it (3377)

On 09/15/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I had made a cup of my favorite coffee, which I had recently found to be discontinued. To accompany this last cup, I went to get a muffin. As I turned around, I see my son pouring the cup out because I out put it next to the sink and he thought it was dirty. FML

#21258936
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29737) - you deserved it (5733)

On 09/15/2014 at 6:19pm - misc - by lucas_urev - United States (New York)

Today, in astronomy class, a kid used Uranus in a hilarious innuendo. I was the only one who laughed. I also happen to be the teacher. FML

#21260699
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26381) - you deserved it (4385)

On 09/18/2014 at 3:20pm - misc - by immature - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, my boyfriend convinced my 4-year-old sister that girls don't poop. She won't stop crying and now thinks she's a freak. FML

#21260556
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30093) - you deserved it (2925)

On 09/18/2014 at 9:16am - kids - by Anonymous - Kenya

Today, I found my husband in the bathtub, which was filled with blood-red water, motionless and staring blankly at the ceiling. I started screaming and crying, and he burst into laughter at his "hilarious" prank. He only seemed regretful that his video camera hadn't been recording properly. FML

#21261267
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25422) - you deserved it (2363)

On 09/19/2014 at 1:58pm - misc - by TuT (woman) - France

Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML

#21261750
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19028) - you deserved it (1842)

On 09/20/2014 at 11:03am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)



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