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Sunday 24 May 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML

#21411971
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28889) - you deserved it (2830)

On 05/18/2015 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, my girlfriend suggested we start using a safe word during sex - not because we're into BDSM or anything like that, it's just in case she gets bored and wants me to stop. FML

#21412386
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26444) - you deserved it (4201)

On 05/19/2015 at 2:45am - intimacy - by username - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, one of my idiot co-workers thought it'd be hilarious to "fix" my car while I was working. Now every time I step on the brake pedal, the horn goes off. FML

#21412007
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26749) - you deserved it (2242)

On 05/18/2015 at 2:41pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I got stopped by people asking for donations for their charity services. Being who I am, I hate saying no to people, so I told them "I don't have any money, only my card." Did you know they also accept payment by card? FML

#21412233
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24285) - you deserved it (6126)

On 05/18/2015 at 9:22pm - money - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, and for the past couple of days, my girlfriend's father has been trying to help me think of a way to propose. I decided to rehearse first, and that's how my girlfriend walked in on me "proposing" to her dad. FML

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

#21414219
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14928) - you deserved it (1477)

On 05/22/2015 at 10:26pm - misc - by Kurda (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while we were at a work party, I noticed a drunk lady in the mix. I pointed out to my boss how dumb she looked. It was his daughter. FML

#21412921
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23730) - you deserved it (11321)

On 05/20/2015 at 8:03am - work - by boss_daughter - United States

Today, my grandmother yelled at me for driving erratically. I was "driving" in a video game. FML

Today, some guy walked into the restaurant I work at and ordered enough food to serve the entire National Guard of Texas. He thanked us by leaving a $0.50 tip and shitting on the bathroom floor. FML

#21413064
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23577) - you deserved it (1507)

On 05/20/2015 at 2:40pm - work - by kmctl - United States (California)

Today, after taking my crush to the train station late at night, I sat in a local park alone with my thoughts for a while. Two cops appeared out of nowhere and started searching me for drugs and weapons, asking me questions for a good 30 minutes. Not the kind of action I expected tonight. FML

#21412638
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23496) - you deserved it (2043)

On 05/19/2015 at 4:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML

#21412889
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29975) - you deserved it (2373)

On 05/20/2015 at 4:45am - intimacy - by wtf bro (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I decided to get in shape for swimsuit season, so I went to the gym. I tried to lift a barbell up and over my head, which was fine, until I dropped it. Exercise earned me a concussion and a neck brace. FML

#21413444
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19505) - you deserved it (8758)

On 05/21/2015 at 8:22am - health - by crossfitter -

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

#21414271
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12820) - you deserved it (2508)

On 05/23/2015 at 12:38am - misc - by Strainer - United States (California)



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