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Friday 31 July 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to a garden party my friend had invited me to. I soon discovered they had seriously downplayed the formality of the event, as I noticed trays of fancy hors d'oeuvres and glasses of champagne lined up on the table. I showed up with Kool Aid and Ritz crackers. FML

#21448484
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21971) - you deserved it (3068)

On 07/28/2015 at 8:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Slough)

Today, I had horrible diarrhea at work. When I felt the bubbling, I ran to the bathroom. An agonizing bowel movement later, I realized that there was no toilet paper in the stall. Just as I was about to ask a coworker who was in the bathroom for some, the fire alarm went off. FML

#21449227
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18510) - you deserved it (1035)

On 07/29/2015 at 8:57pm - health - by Crap (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa to very loudly ask why PornHub wasn't loading on his computer. FML

#21448024
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23744) - you deserved it (1775)

On 07/27/2015 at 12:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, at a baseball game, I smiled and waved at the little girl in front of me. She cried. FML

Today, my brother was telling me about my "sweet" and "pure" ex-girlfriend. Three stab wounds have already proven otherwise. FML

#21448265
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20342) - you deserved it (1468)

On 07/27/2015 at 9:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, while in a hotel, I left the room to get some ice. Since my parents left the door wedged open, I didn't worry about trying to find the room number. Without thinking, I walked in to another room that was also wedged open. Yes, there were people in it, and yes, they were both naked and hairy. FML

#21448605
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17345) - you deserved it (7114)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had to listen to my grandma talk about how she's "allergic" to toilet paper, and how she lets nature "take care of it". FML

#21449508
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11570) - you deserved it (723)

On 07/30/2015 at 11:30am - health - by WhatTheFuck - United States (Illinois)

Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to an amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML

#21448401
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20239) - you deserved it (2338)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for smiling and laughing too much. Last week, he reprimanded me for not smiling and laughing enough. FML

#21449263
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16836) - you deserved it (1088)

On 07/29/2015 at 10:25pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to wait thirty minutes after closing to check out a lady who was purchasing 20 different styles of curtains. I asked what she would be doing with them all, and she replied that she would be bringing 19 of them back tomorrow, as she didn't know which would match. FML

#21448838
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21316) - you deserved it (1362)

On 07/28/2015 at 11:04pm - work - by jlmbull - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realized the only reason my mom trusts me to stay home alone for long periods of time is because I don't have enough friends to throw a party. FML

#21448086
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22879) - you deserved it (2123)

On 07/27/2015 at 3:12pm - misc - by Not turnt - United States (New York)

Today, I asked my boss for a promotion. "You don't work here but I can give you a job application." I've been working here for 8 years. FML

#21448654
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21426) - you deserved it (1552)

On 07/28/2015 at 4:44pm - work - by Application - United States (Ohio)

Today, while shopping with my sister, she asked me to wait for her while she quickly said hello to a friend. I sat on a bench for an hour before I realised she wasn't coming back. Turns out "hello" had turned into a date. FML

#21449387
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16831) - you deserved it (1373)

On 07/30/2015 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)



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