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Thursday 28 July 2016

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Today, I sent a Snapchat the girl I've been flirting with all week. Her response was the back of her Coke Zero, which had the quote "You've Got a Friend in Me." I got rejected by a soda can. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2016 at 5:28pm / United States (Washington) / Geek

Today, I was washing my car, I decided to be kind and to wash my elderly neighbor's car. As it turns out, her sunroof was open. FML

by spaaaarta / 07/25/2016 at 4:17pm / Transportation

Today, on my holiday in Thailand I was using the ATM to withdraw $500 worth of Bart. While doing this the ATM crashed and decided to restart. After 5 minutes it spat my card out and nothing else. When I returned to the hotel to use the Wifi, the ATM had deducted the money from my account. FML

by problems / 07/27/2016 at 2:43am / Thailand (Phuket) / Holidays

Today, I sent a love message to my wife asking if she was horny. Minutes later, I realized that I sent it to my mother in law. FML

by for my brother in law / 07/27/2016 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my mom grabbed my phone, said she was taking it because I'd been disrespectful, and hung up my call. I'd been speaking with a work client. This is the gratitude I get for paying all her bills for the past 2 years, all because she's too lazy to get a job. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2016 at 11:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend decided that we should go clubbing together to "catch up". Her version of catching up is me standing beside her making out with some random dude in the parking lot. FML

by jailey / 07/25/2016 at 10:26pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I've been so stressed out that I forgot my own birthday. I only remembered when my mom talked to me to let me know she wasn't planning on doing anything for it. FML

by Ya_I_said_it / 07/26/2016 at 11:31am / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that lightning and flash flooding are the best motivatiors. I learned this while on a run and 2 miles away from school. FML

Today, I finally got together with this great guy I've had a crush on for a while. He told me before that he is quite inexperienced, which usually doesn't bother me at all. Turns out "inexperienced" translates to "I will include your nose and chin in our kissing" in this case. FML

by Kiss-a-thon / 07/27/2016 at 6:01am / Germany / Love

Today, my budgie learned to fly, having finally outgrown his clipped wings. He flew straight over the gate, out the door and into my dogs jaws. FML

by InsanityShard / 07/25/2016 at 11:26pm / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, I spent my first day with my parents for the first time in a year as I've been away at university. My dad went to work, and my mum spent the whole day playing mahjong with her friends as they all told me "how fat I've gotten" and how "boys won't like it". FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2016 at 12:09am / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend got her first car. I bought mine 3 weeks ago and haven't started making payments. She came straight from the dealer ship to pick me up. She backed in to my car. FML

by Anyom / 07/26/2016 at 8:46pm / United States (Michigan) / Transportation