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Saturday 10 May 2014

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Today, my husband's cat died. He has resorted to calling me by her name to comfort himself. FML

by catfriend / 05/06/2014 at 1:42am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, an old man wanted to give me a tip for bagging his groceries. He slipped some money as deep into my pocket as he could, stroking my thigh for a few long seconds in the process, then he gave me a creepy smile and winked before walking away. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2014 at 3:00pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer cussed me out for hiding behind the counter a jacket she's been "eyeing since it came out". She loudly exclaimed that she was going to report me to my manager and get me "fired." It was my personal jacket that we don't even sell. FML

by ktmla / 05/11/2014 at 12:13am / United States (Florida) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got a new dentist. You know how most dentists play soft, relaxing music? Well this guy seems to like rap a lot, and it's kinda hard getting your teeth cleaned to the sound of bullets going off. FML

by randomusername99 / 05/05/2014 at 5:51pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, a customer came into our store and asked if we sold "child sized coffins". This isn't even the weirdest question I've been asked. FML

by iworkatofficedepothomes / 05/15/2014 at 8:02am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my best friend wanted to see what my new boyfriend looks like. By chance, he'd sent me a Snapchat a few minutes before, so I opened it to show her, only to see that it was a dick pic. FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2014 at 7:28pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I found a bird that had fallen from its nest, so I made a new nest for it in a shoebox and put it as close to the old one as possible. When I checked back on it later, all I found was a chewed-up corpse. FML

by KHAAAAA-RMA!! / 05/10/2014 at 5:32pm / United States / Animals

Today, my son gave me some flowers for Mother's Day. Unfortunately, the only time I can enjoy them is when I go into the bathroom where they are kept so the cat doesn't eat them. FML

by darquedraconian / 05/11/2014 at 10:27pm / United States (South Dakota) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boss fired me after chewing me out for the horrible date he had with my mother. FML

by fired / 05/13/2014 at 10:29am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I actually uttered the words: "Those are my good sweatpants." FML

by dieana / 05/16/2014 at 8:16am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss yet again said she was "literally dying", after she watched a funny video online. Long story short, I'm now on her shitlist because I couldn't help but point out that she clearly wasn't dying, and that her ranting was distracting me from doing actual work. FML

by Anonymous / 05/17/2014 at 12:02pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2014 at 7:57pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I received a $20 gift card to Tim Horton's as a prize, and decided to use it. At the register, I was told that I'd essentially won an empty gift card. FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2014 at 3:23pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money