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Saturday 10 May 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a guy asked for my number at the grocery store, but I politely told him I wasn't interested. He followed me home and took a shit on my doorstep. FML

#21137065
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52004) - you deserved it (7206)

On 05/11/2014 at 8:14pm - love - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Hawke's Bay)

Today, my girlfriend decided that we won't be having any more sex until I beat her ridiculously high score on Flappy Bird. FML

#21141738
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55427) - you deserved it (7759)

On 05/16/2014 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by (not) fucked - United States (Texas)

Today, a lady handed me a $10 tip on a $45 bill. I was happy with it, since it was more than 20%, until she came back in and said, "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong amount." I handed it back to her and then she gave me a dollar. FML

#21138539
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48035) - you deserved it (4551)

On 05/13/2014 at 9:58am - money - by monkey2069 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

#21137819
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47126) - you deserved it (6129)

On 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm - misc - by Jarool - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I'm moving. While packing, I realized I hadn't seen my cat in a few hours. I called her and realized she was inside one of the hundreds of boxes in my house. I accidentally packed my cat. FML

#21139824
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42235) - you deserved it (15803)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:43pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML

#21132614
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43615) - you deserved it (3536)

On 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I had to inform a patient that she has an STD. She reacted by kicking me in the nuts. FML

#21140637
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49934) - you deserved it (4465)

On 05/15/2014 at 1:08pm - health - by bruised_scrotum - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

#21131413
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45484) - you deserved it (22671)

On 05/05/2014 at 1:30pm - intimacy - by PCJJacket - United States (California)

Today, me and the guy I was dating ran into my sister at the mall. He took one look at her and mumbled, "Great, I chose the ugly one" under his breath. FML

#21137666
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58702) - you deserved it (5690)

On 05/12/2014 at 12:01pm - love - by bambam - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

#21138864
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53083) - you deserved it (7157)

On 05/13/2014 at 5:31pm - love - by taintedlover (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

#21133762
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38881) - you deserved it (20806)

On 05/07/2014 at 11:57pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the tornado sirens went off so my family went to the basement and turned on the TV to the local news. The station goes to their sky cam as a trampoline flies by. Quite the sight. When the storm passed, I looked outside to see our trampoline was gone. It was the one flying by on TV. FML

#21137290
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48631) - you deserved it (4430)

On 05/11/2014 at 11:29pm - misc - by Gone With the Wind - United States (Nebraska)



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