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Saturday 10 May 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML

#21131587
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50943) - you deserved it (17144)

On 05/05/2014 at 5:03pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I took a pregnancy test because I'd missed a few periods, gained weight, and been moody. Turns out I'm just fat and moody. FML

#21139495
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48314) - you deserved it (11058)

On 05/14/2014 at 9:12am - health - by thanks4support - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was trolling on a My Little Pony forum. I was midway through typing a big post, calling them all a bunch of attention-seeking losers who act like morons because their parents never loved them, when I broke down in tears, realizing I'd just perfectly described myself. FML

#21133397
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21528) - you deserved it (58391)

On 05/07/2014 at 5:25pm - misc - by I suck :( (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I turned in my best painting yet for a scholarship competition. For once in my life, I was actually proud of a piece I'd done. I ended up losing the scholarship to some dickface who'd basically just glued together some crap from the dollar store and called it conceptual art. FML

#21132527
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42544) - you deserved it (5057)

On 05/06/2014 at 4:52pm - misc - by assgoblins piss me off (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my neighbor scolded me for "allowing" her son to be bitten by one of my dogs. This would be reasonable, except for the fact that her kid had jumped my fence and tried to steal a rattle out of my daughter's hands. FML

#21133303
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45516) - you deserved it (3033)

On 05/07/2014 at 3:16pm - kids - by Arthur - United States

Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML

#21142112
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50730) - you deserved it (14297)

On 05/16/2014 at 6:25pm - intimacy - by wtf (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, a customer asked me how long our 6-inch sandwich was. FML

#21136526
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45084) - you deserved it (4837)

On 05/11/2014 at 10:46am - work - by Makeitdance - United States (California)

Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML

#21134153
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17511) - you deserved it (70807)

On 05/08/2014 at 3:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was teaching my 4 year old daughter how to use "stranger danger". Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML

#21134481
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49895) - you deserved it (6638)

On 05/08/2014 at 11:01pm - kids - by imnotastranger (man) -

Today, I spent an hour explaining to a college student how you could have a baby and not be married. He still doesn't get it. FML

#21131094
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43265) - you deserved it (4364)

On 05/05/2014 at 1:07am - misc - by melmel (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend decided that we won't be having any more sex until I beat her ridiculously high score on Flappy Bird. FML

#21141738
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55638) - you deserved it (7778)

On 05/16/2014 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by (not) fucked - United States (Texas)

Today, a lady handed me a $10 tip on a $45 bill. I was happy with it, since it was more than 20%, until she came back in and said, "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong amount." I handed it back to her and then she gave me a dollar. FML

#21138539
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48132) - you deserved it (4558)

On 05/13/2014 at 9:58am - money - by monkey2069 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

#21131182
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49726) - you deserved it (22307)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)



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