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Wednesday 7 May 2014

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Today, three different strangers stopped me on the street and asked if I was Brad Pitt. Either there's some kind of conspiracy going on, or I'm the world's ugliest woman. FML

by Lookalike / 05/12/2014 at 10:38am / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML

by oh god. / 05/14/2014 at 7:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I realized that because of my construction job, I have spent such a huge amount of time with older, cynical guys that I keep uncontrollably using the phrase "fucking kids these days" regularly like an idiot. I'm 18. FML

by workfordayzz / 05/14/2014 at 1:45pm / United States / Work

Today, my store manager told me I was fired. I'm not sure what's more insulting - that he'd fire me, or that he forgot I haven't worked there in four months. FML

by CapnCrunchKat / 05/09/2014 at 2:06am / United States (Delaware) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was bored at work, so I started browsing the Internet. While I was on my Facebook page, my boss tagged me in a status: "I've been standing behind you for ten minutes." FML

by notbrowsingnow / 05/08/2014 at 7:46pm / United States / Work

Today, was my first day of work in my life. I was excited, and so was my dad, who saw me to the door and ruffled my hair as he wished me luck. I didn't notice until half an hour after arriving at work that he'd stuck his gum in my hair. Nobody bothered to tell me. FML

by sheisselluv / 05/11/2014 at 4:30pm / Germany (Thuringen) / Work

Today, my parents decided to get with the times. So far, they've made me get Snapchat and Instagram accounts, and made me add them on Facebook. They keep acting like annoying teenagers, and get mad at me when I don't play along. For the love of god, somebody save me. FML

by Anais Strongrump III Jr. / 05/09/2014 at 4:41pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my computer crashed and lost all of its data while I was making a back up. FML

by mlowy / 05/09/2014 at 1:35am / Azerbaijan (Baki) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brain-dead brother-in-law decided to play five finger fillet while at my place. Predictably, he ended up slicing a finger wide open. My mother-in-law now wants my blood, because she thinks I dared him to do it, and that clearly her perfect little angel couldn't be such a moron. FML

by fmlgirl / 05/09/2014 at 2:44pm / Netherlands (Zeeland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML

by veggiedude / 05/07/2014 at 11:01pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I love him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML

by not gay in AL / 05/11/2014 at 1:57pm / United States / Love

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2014 at 6:03pm / South Africa / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML

by Anonymous / 05/10/2014 at 9:00am / United States / Miscellaneous