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Wednesday 7 May 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while driving out to the countryside with my new boyfriend, we came across a deer lying in the road. It seemed badly hurt, but instead of letting me get out and make sure, my boyfriend decided to just run over its head to finish it off, then continued driving with a smirk on his face. FML

#21138836
406 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57465) - you deserved it (8981)

On 05/13/2014 at 5:02pm - animals - by dating a big bag of dicks (woman) - United States

Today, I nervously flirted with a very cute guy. Being a little overweight, I rarely think cute guys will go for me. This line of thinking was yet again correct when he casually pulled his sleeve up revealing a tattoo of a pinup girl with a "NO FAT CHICKS" sign below it. FML

#21138042
350 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59776) - you deserved it (7585)

On 05/12/2014 at 7:49pm - love - by nofatchicks (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML

#21133982
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69113) - you deserved it (8641)

On 05/08/2014 at 9:55am - love - by STOP (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

#21132433
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46772) - you deserved it (8830)

On 05/06/2014 at 2:38pm - kids - by Satan's Mum (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my boyfriend saw my boobs for the first time. His reaction was, "Well that's... disappointing". FML

#21139580
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57386) - you deserved it (7062)

On 05/14/2014 at 11:54am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

#21132249
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56273) - you deserved it (20309)

On 05/06/2014 at 9:55am - intimacy - by chumman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after a long day at work, I was starving, so I stopped by the drive-through for something to eat. When I got home and hurriedly opened the bag, all I found inside was napkins. Thanks, McDonald's. FML

#21136073
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45063) - you deserved it (10966)

On 05/10/2014 at 9:34pm - work - by can't eat paper - United States

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

#21133668
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66665) - you deserved it (15591)

On 05/07/2014 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my daughter was scared to go to the bathroom because she thought there was a person behind the shower curtain. There actually was a person behind the shower curtain. FML

#21137389
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63729) - you deserved it (5424)

On 05/12/2014 at 1:17am - kids - by kids -

Today, I took a pregnancy test because I'd missed a few periods, gained weight, and been moody. Turns out I'm just fat and moody. FML

#21139495
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49106) - you deserved it (11277)

On 05/14/2014 at 9:12am - health - by thanks4support - United States (Ohio)

Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML

#21131587
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52481) - you deserved it (17729)

On 05/05/2014 at 5:03pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, a customer asked me how long our 6-inch sandwich was. FML

#21136526
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45824) - you deserved it (4899)

On 05/11/2014 at 10:46am - work - by Makeitdance - United States (California)

Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML

#21134153
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17915) - you deserved it (72195)

On 05/08/2014 at 3:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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