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Monday 28 April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was waiting on a Canadian tourist at work, and he bought some of the most expensive stuff on the menu. I was excited about maybe getting a big tip, so I casually said that in the USA, waiters make most of our money off tips. The guy just snorted, "Sucks to be American, eh?!" and left. FML

#21127302
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37341) - you deserved it (27590)

On 04/30/2014 at 5:11pm - work - by yes, yes it does :( (woman) - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of three years. I worked my ass off planning everything down to a T. It seemed perfect, until I actually proposed, at which point I was rejected and dumped, in front of my family, friends and two coworkers. FML

#21126146
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49496) - you deserved it (5245)

On 04/29/2014 at 10:18am - love - by willstaysingle (man) -

Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML

#21126864
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42342) - you deserved it (5544)

On 04/30/2014 at 1:17am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML

#21125786
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43679) - you deserved it (3399)

On 04/28/2014 at 10:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

#21126320
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43514) - you deserved it (4977)

On 04/29/2014 at 2:48pm - misc - by god (woman) - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML

#21131587
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48604) - you deserved it (16260)

On 05/05/2014 at 5:03pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend, who was driving down the highway with the windows down. All of a sudden, everything went black. A cattle truck had sped past, and I had been hit by cow faeces travelling at 110km an hour. My boyfriend was hysterical. None of it hit him. FML

#21127873
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48539) - you deserved it (4412)

On 05/01/2014 at 10:17am - animals - by Felicityfrank (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, at work, I served a group of three teens. Their tab was $75 and they tipped me nothing. They wrote a thank you on a piece of receipt paper, put it in a glass of water and used a coaster to turn the glass of water upside down on the table, spilling water everywhere. They also stole my pen. FML

#21125158
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49634) - you deserved it (3980)

On 04/28/2014 at 9:35am - work - by brerj09 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I spent an hour explaining to a college student how you could have a baby and not be married. He still doesn't get it. FML

#21131094
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40900) - you deserved it (4142)

On 05/05/2014 at 1:07am - misc - by melmel (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mom spent over $200 getting me tested for every drug in the book. All because I admitted to smoking a single cigarette two years ago. FML

#21129797
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46355) - you deserved it (7301)

On 05/03/2014 at 5:10pm - health - by ughhhh - United States

Today, while at my brother's funeral, my girlfriend decided to tell me she's been sleeping with him. FML

#21126504
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54040) - you deserved it (3340)

On 04/29/2014 at 6:40pm - love - by loserman - United States (Texas)

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

#21131182
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (247) - you deserved it (18567)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)



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