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Sunday 27 April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my drug addict of a roommate convinced herself my red kitten was Pennywise the clown in disguise waiting to kill her, and hit him over the head with a pan. FML

Today, I realised that when I asked my girlfriend 4 months ago if was she on the pill, she thought I meant hay fever tablets. I'm going to be a father. FML

#21123315
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54820) - you deserved it (25522)

On 04/26/2014 at 8:28am - intimacy - by Sniffles (man) - Ireland

Today, I was waiting on a Canadian tourist at work, and he bought some of the most expensive stuff on the menu. I was excited about maybe getting a big tip, so I casually said that in the USA, waiters make most of our money off tips. The guy just snorted, "Sucks to be American, eh?!" and left. FML

#21127302
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37752) - you deserved it (27844)

On 04/30/2014 at 5:11pm - work - by yes, yes it does :( (woman) - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of three years. I worked my ass off planning everything down to a T. It seemed perfect, until I actually proposed, at which point I was rejected and dumped, in front of my family, friends and two coworkers. FML

#21126146
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49621) - you deserved it (5253)

On 04/29/2014 at 10:18am - love - by willstaysingle (man) -

Today, I had just sat down in the lobby of my doctor's office when my phone alerted me that I had a friend request. I checked; it was from some girl from high school. I muttered to myself, "I don't want to be your friend." I then heard a gasp. She was sitting across from me. FML

Today, I met a cute guy, and everything went great. After a while, he asked me for my number and I gave it to him. Now he won't stop texting me, asking for pictures of my toes. FML

Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML

#21118642
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37675) - you deserved it (10315)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:03am - kids - by kelly.duggan (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML

#21126864
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42497) - you deserved it (5552)

On 04/30/2014 at 1:17am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML

#21123212
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40477) - you deserved it (16929)

On 04/26/2014 at 1:57am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML

#21124319
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42477) - you deserved it (7325)

On 04/27/2014 at 1:05pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML

#21124338
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43275) - you deserved it (6053)

On 04/27/2014 at 1:25pm - love - by Shit (man) - United States (California)

Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML

#21125786
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43816) - you deserved it (3407)

On 04/28/2014 at 10:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my teenage daughter tried to convince me that the UK is a part of Canada. After I pulled out a map to prove her wrong, she got all angry and defensive, and said that nobody's perfect at "geometry". My daughter is an idiot. FML

#21122867
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49851) - you deserved it (9954)

On 04/25/2014 at 5:21pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)



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