Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Sunday 2 February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend he was like an animal in bed. He responded saying I was like a dead animal in bed. FML

#21052943
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43993) - you deserved it (15737)

On 02/06/2014 at 11:48pm - intimacy - by cryface (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

#21055858
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45283) - you deserved it (14736) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/09/2014 at 10:39pm - intimacy - by vegas-81 - France

Today, while in the prison I work at, I came down with severe digestion issues. Master control probably laughed as they watched me wait at the security gates in a cold sweat, squeezing my ass-cheeks together like an inmate smuggling contraband. FML

#21047394
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39628) - you deserved it (4047)

On 02/01/2014 at 5:42pm - work - by TwistedCherub1 (woman) - United States

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

#21041659
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47413) - you deserved it (3974)

On 01/27/2014 at 9:40am - animals - by mac - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while playing badminton at school, I got an opponent who is mentally handicapped. Since I'm terrible at the game, I guess the teacher assumed it would be a good match. I won the match, my first victory ever. My teacher accused me of cheating to humiliate him. FML

#21045157
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41127) - you deserved it (4019)

On 01/30/2014 at 1:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was driving along when I noticed a kid struggling to push his car up the crest of a hill. I jumped out to help him, and he acted surprised to see me. Once we got the car over the hill, it rolled on down. I then saw that no one was actually in the driver's seat. I'd helped a vandal. FML

Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon after I had explained to her how scared I was of the exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML

#21054343
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43059) - you deserved it (5839)

On 02/08/2014 at 12:13pm - misc - by so scared - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

#21043113
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50411) - you deserved it (4037)

On 01/28/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by Order of the Dangling Testicles (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my dogs freaked out and started getting violent because they thought the sound of my vibrator was the other's growling. FML

#21048300
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42586) - you deserved it (10789)

On 02/02/2014 at 4:50pm - animals - by foops (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

#21054738
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54741) - you deserved it (6230)

On 02/08/2014 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by O_o - United States (California)

Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML

#21046533
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57097) - you deserved it (6337) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/31/2014 at 4:05pm - intimacy - by prochainefois (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML

#21049393
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41221) - you deserved it (8363)

On 02/03/2014 at 3:11pm - love - by Can't Believe It. - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got my wedding photos back. The only decent picture of my husband and me together also featured a fat guy in a crop top behind us. FML

#21041939
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42803) - you deserved it (4708)

On 01/27/2014 at 3:55pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: