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Sunday 2 February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend he was like an animal in bed. He responded saying I was like a dead animal in bed. FML

#21052943
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43902) - you deserved it (15712)

On 02/06/2014 at 11:48pm - intimacy - by cryface (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

#21055858
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45211) - you deserved it (14731) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/09/2014 at 10:39pm - intimacy - by vegas-81 - France

Today, while in the prison I work at, I came down with severe digestion issues. Master control probably laughed as they watched me wait at the security gates in a cold sweat, squeezing my ass-cheeks together like an inmate smuggling contraband. FML

#21047394
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39580) - you deserved it (4043)

On 02/01/2014 at 5:42pm - work - by TwistedCherub1 (woman) - United States

Today, while playing badminton at school, I got an opponent who is mentally handicapped. Since I'm terrible at the game, I guess the teacher assumed it would be a good match. I won the match, my first victory ever. My teacher accused me of cheating to humiliate him. FML

#21045157
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41092) - you deserved it (4018)

On 01/30/2014 at 1:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

#21041659
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47356) - you deserved it (3971)

On 01/27/2014 at 9:40am - animals - by mac - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was driving along when I noticed a kid struggling to push his car up the crest of a hill. I jumped out to help him, and he acted surprised to see me. Once we got the car over the hill, it rolled on down. I then saw that no one was actually in the driver's seat. I'd helped a vandal. FML

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

#21043113
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50361) - you deserved it (4035)

On 01/28/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by Order of the Dangling Testicles (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my dogs freaked out and started getting violent because they thought the sound of my vibrator was the other's growling. FML

#21048300
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42550) - you deserved it (10777)

On 02/02/2014 at 4:50pm - animals - by foops (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

#21054738
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54667) - you deserved it (6221)

On 02/08/2014 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by O_o - United States (California)

Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML

#21046533
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57018) - you deserved it (6336) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/31/2014 at 4:05pm - intimacy - by prochainefois (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML

#21049393
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41150) - you deserved it (8355)

On 02/03/2014 at 3:11pm - love - by Can't Believe It. - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got my wedding photos back. The only decent picture of my husband and me together also featured a fat guy in a crop top behind us. FML

#21041939
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42746) - you deserved it (4706)

On 01/27/2014 at 3:55pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he looks for a new place. He walked inside, dropped his stuff on the floor and asked me my policy on hookers. I laughed it off as a joke. Half an hour later my doorbell rang. He took my laughter as a yes. FML

#21047796
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41510) - you deserved it (6379)

On 02/02/2014 at 1:33am - misc - by tsukinoie - United States



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