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Friday 13 December 2013

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Today, a man started a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracles of things we take for granted every day. I was really enjoying it until he looked at his watch and said, "Oh shit, mushrooms make me lose track of time!" and ran off into the night. FML

by whatjusthappened / 12/20/2013 at 3:45am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that just because you live on a different continent, it doesn't mean your mother won't come knocking when you are having sex. FML

by hi Mum / 12/11/2013 at 2:59pm / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, it's my birthday. The only "happy birthday"s I got were from my mom, her Facebook account, and the Facebook account she made for her cat. FML

by carboncoach / 12/13/2013 at 12:24pm / Egypt / Miscellaneous

Today, while trying to break up with my girlfriend, I somehow ended up begging her not to break up with me. I'm still not sure how that happened. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2013 at 6:38pm / Bangladesh / Love

Today, my roommate, who happens to be a writer, got so pissed off at his editor that he got drunk, wrapped his arms around my waist, and only stopped when I agreed to spoon him. This is not the first time this has happened either. FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2013 at 3:51am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my band members and I were brainstorming ideas to help increase our fan base. My drummer suggested they replace me for someone attractive. Everyone agreed and now they are trying to kick me out of the band I started. FML

by YouAssholes / 12/09/2013 at 6:25pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned, 90 horrifying minutes into a college exam, that my 85-year-old calculus teacher had spent the last three weeks teaching us the wrong chapter. FML

by wasted time / 12/19/2013 at 4:09am / United States / Work

Today, rather than buying one pork chop big enough for myself, I bought two smaller chops just so the cashier wouldn't think I was eating by myself. FML

by LonelyPorkChop / 12/18/2013 at 4:30am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I told my husband it would be great to spend an evening with a bottle of wine and a pile of blankets on the balcony of our cabin during the cruise. He decided it would be great to ditch me and go out gambling. FML

by Neglected / 12/11/2013 at 2:06pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I misplaced my phone at small house party. I found it later, but not before being called a sick bastard by my crush. It seems one of my "friends" sent her a cock pic with my phone, and now she wants nothing to do with me. FML

by spastic hardon / 12/12/2013 at 4:01pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I sang a romantic song I wrote for my girlfriend. She laughed at my soprano. FML

by Anonymous / 12/17/2013 at 8:55pm / China (Shanghai) / Love

Today, I finally told my father that I was picked on at college all this year over my hearing disability. When I told him one of the jokes they made about me, he burst out into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2013 at 3:13pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went skiing with a girl I like. On the lift I asked her out. She said no. Halfway up the lift stopped. We were stuck up there for nearly an hour. FML

by snowbum69 / 12/15/2013 at 3:38am / United States (Idaho) / Love