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Friday 13 December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML

#20989324
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55658) - you deserved it (8694)

On 12/11/2013 at 7:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

#20986172
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54862) - you deserved it (3631)

On 12/09/2013 at 10:10am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boss found out that my girlfriend dumped me. He asked if that meant she would no longer bring her delicious homemade cookies to the office. When I said yes, he fired me on the spot. FML

#20990683
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50827) - you deserved it (3264)

On 12/12/2013 at 10:08pm - work - by justin (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML

#20993307
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45883) - you deserved it (6610)

On 12/15/2013 at 11:58am - animals - by Cat Piss - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

#20986479
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60027) - you deserved it (5116)

On 12/09/2013 at 4:01pm - misc - by igotpride - United States

Today, while on my way to work, an elderly woman complimented me on my breast cancer scarf. I explained that my grandmother made one for all her female grandchildren before passing away two years ago. The woman then went psycho and almost strangled me in an attempt to steal it. FML

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

#20992325
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52926) - you deserved it (9601)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I was looking for a job. I was so desperate for gas money to drive around town that I had to steal $20 from my sister. She's only 10 years old. FML

#20997840
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39051) - you deserved it (22060)

On 12/19/2013 at 8:12am - money - by tp2014 - United States (Georgia)

Today, after finals, my English professor left me less than one percent from an A. Why? All semester long, he took away points because my opinions did not match his. FML

Today, my grandma came over for the holidays. She tried explaining how Santa is actually Christ reincarnated, giving presents to all the good little Christian boys and girls. She'll be staying all week. FML

#20995564
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38706) - you deserved it (4990)

On 12/17/2013 at 4:16am - misc - by not-religious (woman) - United States

Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML

#20985898
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49924) - you deserved it (7683)

On 12/09/2013 at 12:52am - kids - by Nofoodcoloringisnotasubstituteforfood (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, while looking for some socks in my mom's dresser, I found a male g-string and an edible bra. FML

#20996935
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43737) - you deserved it (16360)

On 12/18/2013 at 12:47pm - intimacy - by Rob (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dad decided to clean his muddy shoes right beside me by clapping them together, causing mud to fly all over me. This wouldn't have been a problem had I not been wearing my white wedding dress just before getting married. FML

#20989738
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59838) - you deserved it (3725)

On 12/12/2013 at 12:31am - misc - by >.> (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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