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Friday 13 December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

#20992325
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50171) - you deserved it (9255)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

#20986172
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51426) - you deserved it (3380)

On 12/09/2013 at 10:10am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

#20999459
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53462) - you deserved it (7949)

On 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by zamwow (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML

#20993307
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43608) - you deserved it (6340)

On 12/15/2013 at 11:58am - animals - by Cat Piss - United States (Texas)

Today, after finals, my English professor left me less than one percent from an A. Why? All semester long, he took away points because my opinions did not match his. FML

Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML

#20989324
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52874) - you deserved it (8357)

On 12/11/2013 at 7:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my grandma came over for the holidays. She tried explaining how Santa is actually Christ reincarnated, giving presents to all the good little Christian boys and girls. She'll be staying all week. FML

#20995564
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35925) - you deserved it (4700)

On 12/17/2013 at 4:16am - misc - by not-religious (woman) - United States

Today, while looking for some socks in my mom's dresser, I found a male g-string and an edible bra. FML

#20996935
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41183) - you deserved it (15590)

On 12/18/2013 at 12:47pm - intimacy - by Rob (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

#20986479
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57045) - you deserved it (4851)

On 12/09/2013 at 4:01pm - misc - by igotpride - United States

Today, while on my way to work, an elderly woman complimented me on my breast cancer scarf. I explained that my grandmother made one for all her female grandchildren before passing away two years ago. The woman then went psycho and almost strangled me in an attempt to steal it. FML

Today, I was looking for a job. I was so desperate for gas money to drive around town that I had to steal $20 from my sister. She's only 10 years old. FML

#20997840
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37123) - you deserved it (20681)

On 12/19/2013 at 8:12am - money - by tp2014 - United States (Georgia)

Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were: "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML

#20992530
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43319) - you deserved it (3560)

On 12/14/2013 at 5:39pm - misc - by bnc (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML

#20998964
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50403) - you deserved it (4056)

On 12/20/2013 at 9:51am - misc - by oh why... (woman) - United States



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