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Friday 13 December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML

#20989324
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45410) - you deserved it (6890)

On 12/11/2013 at 7:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML

#20993307
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41070) - you deserved it (5928)

On 12/15/2013 at 11:58am - animals - by Cat Piss - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss found out that my girlfriend dumped me. He asked if that meant she would no longer bring her delicious homemade cookies to the office. When I said yes, he fired me on the spot. FML

#20990683
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44799) - you deserved it (2569)

On 12/12/2013 at 10:08pm - work - by justin (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my grandma came over for the holidays. She tried explaining how Santa is actually Christ reincarnated, giving presents to all the good little Christian boys and girls. She'll be staying all week. FML

#20995564
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34149) - you deserved it (4460)

On 12/17/2013 at 4:16am - misc - by not-religious (woman) - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

#20992325
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42933) - you deserved it (7376)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, after finals, my English professor left me less than one percent from an A. Why? All semester long, he took away points because my opinions did not match his. FML

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

#20986479
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54064) - you deserved it (4167)

On 12/09/2013 at 4:01pm - misc - by igotpride - United States

Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML

#20985898
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43320) - you deserved it (6407)

On 12/09/2013 at 12:52am - kids - by Nofoodcoloringisnotasubstituteforfood (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, while on my way to work, an elderly woman complimented me on my breast cancer scarf. I explained that my grandmother made one for all her female grandchildren before passing away two years ago. The woman then went psycho and almost strangled me in an attempt to steal it. FML

Today, while looking for some socks in my mom's dresser, I found a male g-string and an edible bra. FML

#20996935
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36922) - you deserved it (14211)

On 12/18/2013 at 12:47pm - intimacy - by Rob (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was looking for a job. I was so desperate for gas money to drive around town that I had to steal $20 from my sister. She's only 10 years old. FML

#20997840
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33812) - you deserved it (18701)

On 12/19/2013 at 8:12am - money - by tp2014 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML

#20998964
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48385) - you deserved it (3890)

On 12/20/2013 at 9:51am - misc - by oh why... (woman) - United States

Today, my dad decided to clean his muddy shoes right beside me by clapping them together, causing mud to fly all over me. This wouldn't have been a problem had I not been wearing my white wedding dress just before getting married. FML

#20989738
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53232) - you deserved it (3072)

On 12/12/2013 at 12:31am - misc - by >.> (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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