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Wednesday 11 December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML

#20991978
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55503) - you deserved it (7629)

On 12/14/2013 at 2:24am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up in my hospital bed after having knee surgery, on the wrong knee. FML

#20986378
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70018) - you deserved it (3838)

On 12/09/2013 at 2:17pm - health - by knee pain - United States

Today, my wife made a system where I earn gaming time by either giving her money or doing her favors. Now whenever I use my phone, she accuses me of "secretly playing Xbox games" and gets pissed at me. I'm 28 years old. FML

#20987666
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43487) - you deserved it (9233)

On 12/10/2013 at 1:04pm - love - by Somerandomguy64 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML

#20987856
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53504) - you deserved it (10283)

On 12/10/2013 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I caught a man standing on my porch, urinating on my house. I called the cops, who informed me that because my porch isn't fenced off, it's not trespassing, and because it's private property not visible from the street, the man wasn't urinating in public. FML

Today, is my little sister's 16th birthday. I spent my last $20 on a gift for her, cleaned the house for her party, made an ice cream cake, and got her a rose. What did I get? "I hope you kept the receipt for this. Oh, and stay in your room during my party." FML

#20988657
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53615) - you deserved it (3602)

On 12/11/2013 at 3:25am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML

#20991671
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42384) - you deserved it (3367)

On 12/13/2013 at 5:20pm - misc - by thank u usa (man) - Germany

Today, I found a credit card at my job. As store policy goes, we have to cut up lost cards immediately after finding them to protect the cardholders. As I grab the scissors and cut, my manager calls out, "Has anyone seen my credit card?" FML

#20988740
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46117) - you deserved it (10813)

On 12/11/2013 at 7:33am - work - by mariology (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I had to tell McDonald's that my 11-year-old son thought it would be funny to take a dump in the urinal. I then had to clean it up. FML

#20994572
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38957) - you deserved it (13036)

On 12/16/2013 at 11:34am - kids - by failedfather (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML

#20994621
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55545) - you deserved it (3182)

On 12/16/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by confsused - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but insists she's still a virgin. Who does she think knocked her up? God? FML

#20996030
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57230) - you deserved it (7482)

On 12/17/2013 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt

Today, I took my younger sister to see Santa for a photo. Santa insisted that I was in the photo too. I wasn't sure why he made such a big deal about it until he groped me while the photo was being taken. FML



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