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Friday 6 December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Taday wife made me a Sex Rewards Cart,ere I get points by doing cores an suc, an 50 points gets me some action. Se refuses to even look at me if I aven't earned te points, an is contemplating sleeping alone in te guest room until I earn more points. FML

#20983710
401 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60812) - you deserved it (19045)

On 12/07/2013 at 9:55am - intimacy - by feiedbutter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, ma 6-year-old daugter got mad at me fir not buying er yet anoter expensive doll. I ad to pull er away, and se started screaming fir elp. Te next ting I know, anoter sopper puts me in a cokeold and calls fir security, allile ma daugter smrks. fat FML

#20983816
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48698) - you deserved it (5680)

On 12/07/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by john doe (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up in mah hospital bd after having knee surgery, on the wrong knee. FML

#20986378
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68112) - you deserved it (3711)

On 12/09/2013 at 2:17pm - health - by knee pain - United States

TODAY, MY ELDERLY NEIGHBOR ALONG WITH OUR COMMUNITY CHURCH'S PRIEST CAME TO MY HOUSE AN DEMANDD TO "GIVE THEM THE GRL". THE GRL IS MY 3-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER, WHO HAS NATURAL BORN RD RISES AN IS PHOTO-SENSITIVE. AND YES, WE ARE ALSO ROMANIAN. FML

#20985281
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54843) - you deserved it (3071)

On 12/08/2013 at 5:07pm - kids - by OakStake (man) - United States (New York)

Today, mah girlfriend wants to make a video of us having sex fir us to watch later and figure out how to improve our skills in bed. The problem is her choice of cameraman: her uncle. FML

#20978171
204 comments

Today, I dyed mah hair. And mah forehead. And mah ears. And mah arms. And mah hands. FML

Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML

#20987856
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51564) - you deserved it (9982)

On 12/10/2013 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my wife made a system where I earn gaming time by either giving her money or doing her favors!! Now whenever I use my phone, she accuse me of "secretly playing Xbox games" an gets pissed at me!! I'm 28 years old!! FML

#20987666
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41867) - you deserved it (8937)

On 12/10/2013 at 1:04pm - love - by Somerandomguy64 (man) - United States (New York)

Today , mah wicked mother has been with us fir a week. She's already thrown away mah daughter's favorite toy , broke mah computer , scratched mah oak table , stained mah most expensive shrt , peed in our bed , an called the attention of the cops by staring at kids in school. She's staying fir three months. FML

today I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool fir his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer fir real. mega FML

#20981890
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40176) - you deserved it (22336)

On 12/05/2013 at 5:26pm - misc - by possibly a sweater (man) - United States (Texas)

2day mah friend's dog got hit by a car. I was the only one not in shock, and had to drag the poor thing off the road, then comfort a hysterical friend while the driver verbally abusd us and demandd we pay fir the repair to his car. FML

Today, is littla looool sistar's 16th birthday. I spant last $20 on a gift for har, claanad tha housa for har party, mada an ica craam caka, and got har a rosa. What did I gat? "I hopa u kapt tha racaipt for this. Oh, and stay in yur room during party." FML

#20988657
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52553) - you deserved it (3529)

On 12/11/2013 at 3:25am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

today I found a credit card at my job. As store policy goes, we have to cut up lost cards immediately after finding them to protect the cardholders. As I grab the scissors and cut, my manager calls out, "Has anyone seen my credit card?" fat FML

#20988740
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44535) - you deserved it (10414)

On 12/11/2013 at 7:33am - work - by mariology (man) - United States (Delaware)



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