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Tuesday 3 December 2013

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Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

by KarateKid76 / 12/04/2013 at 10:19pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I had to listen to fellow classmates whine about selling one of their many houses, while I can barely afford to pay for a $100 textbook. FML

by thefifthdoctor / 12/10/2013 at 1:04am / United States (Washington) / Money

Today, I got a call from the girl I like. I got very excited so I quickly picked up. As it turns out, she was actually prank calling me, pretending to be a "liposuction telemarketer" but forgot to press *67. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2013 at 3:50am / United States / Love

Today, my car wouldn't start because of the cold weather. Since I was at a friend's house, I asked him to jump-start it. After taking about ten minutes to start his vehicle and park it by mine, we found that both of our car hoods were frozen shut. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2013 at 3:49pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I lost my phone. I called the number from my friend's phone, hoping I could find it. A guy answered, laughed "Thanks for the phone!" and hung up. FML

by phonegotlostinthepark / 12/03/2013 at 12:54pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to an ATM to see how much money I had in my account. I put the card in. It never gave it back. FML

by Broke / 12/04/2013 at 3:27am / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, I held the door for an elderly woman. As she walked through, she looked at me and told me I was a very handsome man and that I should meet her grandson. The woman was my grandmother, and yes, I'm straight. FML

by rick / 12/02/2013 at 4:15pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my dad paid for my sister's friend's airplane ticket so she could attend my sister's wedding. I would have been there myself, but I couldn't afford the airplane ticket. FML

by Akestarr / 12/02/2013 at 8:28am / United States (Indiana) / Money

Today, while trying to break up with my girlfriend, I somehow ended up begging her not to break up with me. I'm still not sure how that happened. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2013 at 6:38pm / Bangladesh / Love

Today, my 4-year-old daughter stood up to a bully in the mall. I was the one who was getting bullied. FML

by DocShadow / 12/03/2013 at 12:33pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my band members and I were brainstorming ideas to help increase our fan base. My drummer suggested they replace me for someone attractive. Everyone agreed and now they are trying to kick me out of the band I started. FML

by YouAssholes / 12/09/2013 at 6:25pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when I got a sudden agonising cramp in my foot. I cried out in pain, but he didn't stop. If anything, my cries of pain seemed to spur him on. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2013 at 2:10pm / United Kingdom (Sunderland) / Intimacy

Today, my 5-year-old decided that it would be a great idea to try to paint her nails in secret. As a result, I now get to learn how to remove copious amounts of dark nail polish from a wide variety of materials, including my apartment's 1/2-inch thick shag rug. FML

by Fortunato_18 / 12/02/2013 at 1:18am / United States / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.