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Tuesday 3 December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML

#20986609
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47083) - you deserved it (7500)

On 12/09/2013 at 5:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my kittens hunted and killed their first prey. My hamster. FML

#20981341
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47425) - you deserved it (7603) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/05/2013 at 1:52am - animals - by Chatons - Switzerland

Today, I got nominated to sit in a chair in the middle of the gym during a high school rally while the entire school got to throw paper balls at me. FML

#20979287
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44397) - you deserved it (4520)

On 12/03/2013 at 11:34am - misc - by reallyhighschool (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took my cat to the vet's. When the vet took her temperature anally, I couldn't stop laughing. The vet had to ask me to leave the room. FML

Today, my bandmate and I decided to propose to our girlfriends, who are also in the band, at the same time in the middle of a concert. His girlfriend said yes. Mine ran off the stage crying. FML

#20978799
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53780) - you deserved it (6216)

On 12/02/2013 at 10:42pm - love - by rock'n roller (man) -

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument while driving home from visiting family. We pulled into a gas station, and I went inside to grab a drink and cool down. When I came back out, both car and boyfriend were nowhere in sight. It was my car. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

#20982965
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56073) - you deserved it (5828)

On 12/06/2013 at 4:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, while having sex with my husband, we had to move around our cat during position changes. Our cat controls our sex life. FML

#20978895
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45760) - you deserved it (16997)

On 12/02/2013 at 11:26pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I dropped a $400 bottle of wine while trying to get the cork out. FML

#20982484
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45685) - you deserved it (17464)

On 12/06/2013 at 2:08am - money - by butterfingers - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my husband learned that if he asks me a question while I am dead asleep my answer will most likely be "Yes". Incidentally, I now have a new cat. FML

Today, marks my third day of school being closed due to snow. One, and only one, of the teachers has decided that we have to do work online in the meantime. I just so happen to be in three of his classes. FML

#20987643
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43902) - you deserved it (4640)

On 12/10/2013 at 12:26pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

#20981063
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49742) - you deserved it (6159)

On 12/04/2013 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by KarateKid76 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had to listen to fellow classmates whine about selling one of their many houses, while I can barely afford to pay for a $100 textbook. FML

#20987288
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46084) - you deserved it (3251)

On 12/10/2013 at 1:04am - money - by thefifthdoctor - United States (Washington)



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