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Tuesday 3 December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them and told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed 'cause I haven't gotten laid. FML

#20984257
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48692) - you deserved it (4554)

On 12/07/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by bella - United States (Texas)

Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML

#20980679
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39148) - you deserved it (13389)

On 12/04/2013 at 5:29pm - kids - by Awkward - United States (Washington)

Today, my fifteen year old son decided to tell his little five year old sister that Santa isn't real. She now refuses to talk to any of us and thinks "her whole life is a lie". FML

#20983553
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42845) - you deserved it (6439)

On 12/07/2013 at 2:17am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, marks my fifth day being an English teacher's assistant. I spent it like the other four days: grading and editing terrible Teen Wolf, One Direction and Doctor Who high school fan-fiction. Six months until I get out of here. FML

#20987358
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38200) - you deserved it (5744)

On 12/10/2013 at 2:38am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from a girl I dated long ago, who cheated on me and got pregnant by another guy, or so we thought. Turns out it isn't his, and she is taking me to court for child support. FML

#20986260
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52654) - you deserved it (7588)

On 12/09/2013 at 12:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend and I finally watched Toy Story 3; I ended up crying when the toys almost die. After the movie, my girlfriend broke up with me because I embarrassed her. FML

#20982712
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45653) - you deserved it (11645)

On 12/06/2013 at 11:13am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, at my job as a night janitor, at which I work alone, I saw an old man enter a bathroom. When I went to investigate, it was completely empty. I'm now scared to work. FML

#20987406
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56581) - you deserved it (3633)

On 12/10/2013 at 4:50am - work - by scared shitless (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

#20980652
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44759) - you deserved it (11652)

On 12/04/2013 at 5:08pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

#20982904
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52141) - you deserved it (8513)

On 12/06/2013 at 3:23pm - intimacy - by fuckadaisical (woman) - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)

Today, my boyfriend bought a onesie. He sleeps in it, goes out in it and won't take it off, not even for sex. FML

Today, my unemployed scumbag boyfriend sold a painting I had just bought so he could buy phoney drugs that he told me he had quit. FML

#20985382
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41258) - you deserved it (16514)

On 12/08/2013 at 6:44pm - love - by GetOutOfMyHouseLoser - United States

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

#20986172
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54050) - you deserved it (3583)

On 12/09/2013 at 10:10am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I set up a motion-activated sprinkler to drench the neighborhood kids who have been ding dong ditching me for years. Because they cannot get close enough to ring the doorbell, they decided to start egging me instead. FML

#20979023
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43030) - you deserved it (6586)

On 12/03/2013 at 1:09am - misc - by Kyle - United States (Washington)



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