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Tuesday 26 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She asked if the ring was a temporary thing until I got a better one, saw my dumbfounded face, then played it off as a joke and said yes. I later found out she'd posted on Facebook bitching about the ring, but with the privacy setting set to hide it from me. FML

#20975896
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57884) - you deserved it (5224)

On 11/30/2013 at 3:29pm - love - by fuckface? I wish (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

#20972170
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33493) - you deserved it (15691)

On 11/27/2013 at 3:44am - health - by MissYouPieceOfSkin (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I dyed my hair. And my forehead. And my ears. And my arms. And my hands. FML

Today, my fiancé left me waiting at the train station for two and a half hours because he offered his ex-girlfriend a lift to her friends wedding that was a few cities away. I normally wouldn't have minded, but I'm 6 months pregnant and it was pouring with rain. FML

Today, my girlfriend wants to make a video of us having sex for us to watch later and figure out how to improve our skills in bed. The problem is her choice of cameraman: her uncle. FML

#20978171
204 comments

Today, my family and I finished moving to Texas. As if that isn't bad enough, I'll have to introduce myself all over again to everyone I meet and explain that yes, my parents really did name me Lilypad. FML

#20973574
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48795) - you deserved it (4046)

On 11/28/2013 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was searched and questioned at the airport for having an apple. FML

#20971832
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40145) - you deserved it (4494)

On 11/26/2013 at 9:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that if you accidentally step on your boss's dog's tail, yes, you can get fired. But not because you stepped on the dog's tail. You didn't say sorry. FML

#20979207
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27707) - you deserved it (39800)

On 12/03/2013 at 9:04am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized my girlfriend has been "on her period" for almost two months. FML

#20975537
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50777) - you deserved it (10882)

On 11/30/2013 at 3:31am - intimacy - by Jack - United States (Ohio)

Today, during a job interview, I was offered a sandwich. I politely declined, explaining that I'm a coeliac and would probably get very sick. He said coeliac disease "isn't real" and that gluten-free eating is just a fad. I had to leave when he kept pushing me to accept it. FML

#20976563
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41711) - you deserved it (3628)

On 12/01/2013 at 1:02am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway

Today, my mother in-law made dessert. It was a beautiful chocolate cake, chocolate cookies, and every other thing had chocolate in it. I'm deathly allergic to chocolate and she knows this. FML

#20975692
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48832) - you deserved it (3459)

On 11/30/2013 at 11:09am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

#20969815
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67488) - you deserved it (5608)

On 11/25/2013 at 1:16am - intimacy - by why god - United States (California)

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

#20971381
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47916) - you deserved it (5021)

On 11/26/2013 at 2:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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