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Tuesday 19 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

#20963971
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28801) - you deserved it (69378)

On 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my cat has figured out that while I'm good at sleeping through her nagging in the early morning hours, I will unfailingly wake up for my baby. FML

Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML

#20967834
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64022) - you deserved it (4665)

On 11/23/2013 at 11:11am - misc - by I hate that game - United Kingdom (Wigan)

Today, in my second year at university, I took a pregnancy test. It is the only test I've passed all month. FML

#20966092
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34410) - you deserved it (50002)

On 11/21/2013 at 7:18pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while swimming in the ocean, I felt some sand under my wedding ring. I took it off for a second, and got hit by a huge wave. My ring is now lost somewhere in the ocean. FML

#20961838
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31495) - you deserved it (41598)

On 11/18/2013 at 4:14am - misc - by smiley1014 (man) - United States

Today, my obsessive ex, who recently cut my phone line to stop me from talking to my boyfriend of three years, got a job at the same restaurant where both my boyfriend and I work. FML

Today, my neighbor finally password-protected his wifi. Right in the middle of my timed, online exam. FML

#20965985
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29178) - you deserved it (92111)

On 11/21/2013 at 5:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML

#20971339
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39976) - you deserved it (9748)

On 11/26/2013 at 1:35pm - misc - by fack (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was searched and questioned at the airport for having an apple. FML

#20971832
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41317) - you deserved it (4614)

On 11/26/2013 at 9:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

#20969815
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72809) - you deserved it (6145)

On 11/25/2013 at 1:16am - intimacy - by why god - United States (California)

Today, I sent a group text round to my friends asking if they wanted to hang out sometime. One of my friends thought this was aimed directly at her and confessed her love for me. FML

#20966629
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45088) - you deserved it (7985)

On 11/22/2013 at 5:18am - love - by awkwardpaul - United Kingdom (Sheffield)



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