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Tuesday 19 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

#20963971
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27665) - you deserved it (67004)

On 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML

#20967834
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62379) - you deserved it (4530)

On 11/23/2013 at 11:11am - misc - by I hate that game - United Kingdom (Wigan)

Today, in my second year at university, I took a pregnancy test. It is the only test I've passed all month. FML

#20966092
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33825) - you deserved it (49122)

On 11/21/2013 at 7:18pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my neighbor finally password-protected his wifi. Right in the middle of my timed, online exam. FML

#20965985
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28683) - you deserved it (90499)

On 11/21/2013 at 5:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was searched and questioned at the airport for having an apple. FML

#20971832
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40145) - you deserved it (4494)

On 11/26/2013 at 9:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my cat has figured out that while I'm good at sleeping through her nagging in the early morning hours, I will unfailingly wake up for my baby. FML

Today, while swimming in the ocean, I felt some sand under my wedding ring. I took it off for a second, and got hit by a huge wave. My ring is now lost somewhere in the ocean. FML

#20961838
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30999) - you deserved it (40894)

On 11/18/2013 at 4:14am - misc - by smiley1014 (man) - United States

Today, my obsessive ex, who recently cut my phone line to stop me from talking to my boyfriend of three years, got a job at the same restaurant where both my boyfriend and I work. FML

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

#20969815
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67488) - you deserved it (5608)

On 11/25/2013 at 1:16am - intimacy - by why god - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend got on one knee and started talking about how we met. Knowing what was coming, I started tearing up, absolutely sure he was going to propose. Just as I was about to say yes, he quickly stood up and yelled "HAH, JUST KIDDING". FML

#20967193
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60153) - you deserved it (5561)

On 11/22/2013 at 7:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I swallowed and nearly choked to death on the ring my boyfriend hid in my wine glass. It's still in me somewhere, and my doctor basically told me that I'll have to "keep an eye on things" if I want to find it. FML

#20967683
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47635) - you deserved it (5632)

On 11/23/2013 at 5:32am - love - by fecal romance (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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