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Tuesday 12 November 2013

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Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, the day before I'm supposed to leave for a long-anticipated trip to Europe, my mother admitted that she's never paid for it. She only told me she did so I would stop hinting that I wanted to go. I gave up Christmas for this trip. FML

by MyUsernameIsBest / 11/12/2013 at 12:45am / United States (California) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I donated blood. Afterwards, I regained consciousness on the floor with a half-eaten cookie in my mouth. FML

by Haberdashing / 11/13/2013 at 3:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my cat has figured out that while I'm good at sleeping through her nagging in the early morning hours, I will unfailingly wake up for my baby. FML

Today, my boyfriend took me home for the first time. His place was covered in Insane Clown Posse stuff, even the toilet bowl. He's an undercover Juggalo. FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2013 at 10:08pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, while swimming in the ocean, I felt some sand under my wedding ring. I took it off for a second, and got hit by a huge wave. My ring is now lost somewhere in the ocean. FML

by smiley1014 / 11/18/2013 at 4:14am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom bitched me out for still being single at age 19, and still not having started a family. She considers this "immoral," yet showed nothing but praise for my sister, who's pregnant at 15 and doesn't know which of three guys is the father. FML

by failed brood mare / 11/17/2013 at 12:46pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm moving from Arizona to Washington State with my 2 cats in my car. I've only just left and just learned that one cat gets carsick and the other stress farts. Only 956 more miles to go. FML

by Catcrap! / 11/18/2013 at 6:47pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML

by oops999 / 11/19/2013 at 2:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text message saying "It's over!". I sent him maybe a thousand texts saying "Why?", "What do you mean?!" After an hour of crying and whatnot, I realized he had driver's education today and that he was saying the class was over. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2013 at 5:06am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, during school, I passed out in the lunch line and hit my head on the metal rail as I fell. Rather than helping or expressing concern at all, my friends simply left my unconscious body on the floor. Why? They had to get to the lasagna before the cafeteria ran out of it. FML

Today, my girlfriend brought a 12-pack of beer to my mother's wake. FML

by haqL / 11/15/2013 at 5:51pm / Mexico (Queretaro de Arteaga) / Miscellaneous

Today, after making several comments about how I didn't exactly look thin, my boyfriend said, "Well, at least we know you'll look good pregnant." FML

by Cheer4Life / 11/11/2013 at 4:41pm / United States (Illinois) / Love