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Friday 25 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dog got out of the house. I was running after him and remembered the old "pretend you're hurt" trick. I got on the ground, and cried out as if I was hurt. My dog just kept running. FML

Today, I broke my tooth nearly in half. On a completely unrelated note, the Jew's Harp is my new least-favorite instrument. FML

Today, I noticed that my sweat smelled like cat food. FML

#20928538
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30616) - you deserved it (5905)

On 10/21/2013 at 2:53am - health - by anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, a radio show asked the question, "Where does the dentist live in Finding Nemo?" I called in and got through. When he asked me the question, instead of the actual answer I quickly gave out my own address over live radio. FML

#20939023
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34581) - you deserved it (16088)

On 10/30/2013 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my grandma has been running around the neighborhood, dressed as Bobo the Evil Clown, chasing trick-or-treaters. All I've been able to do is chase after her, and apologize to the terrified children's families. FML

#20941017
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36312) - you deserved it (3191)

On 11/01/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by bobosgonnagetyou - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML

#20939123
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42897) - you deserved it (7341)

On 10/30/2013 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by goodgrief (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend came onto me in a romantic gesture. We ended up having sex, forgetting that the window repair guy was supposed to come today and do some work on our third floor apartment windows. I still don't know how much he saw. FML

#20939175
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40842) - you deserved it (12624)

On 10/30/2013 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by English_Nut117 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a friend sent me to a guy he knows who repairs various electronics for a very low price. Good news: he fixed my malfunctioning iPad. Bad news: it took me several hours to notice that he'd carved the words DOUCHE and HIPSTER into the back panel. FML

#20934676
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35069) - you deserved it (6729)

On 10/26/2013 at 3:48pm - money - by fuckyouverymuch - United States (California)

Today, my professor tried to scare the hiccups out of me. Some pee came out instead. FML

#20937069
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36137) - you deserved it (3611)

On 10/28/2013 at 6:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I taught my girlfriend some French. She then used her newfound language to break up with me. FML

#20932181
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38273) - you deserved it (4091)

On 10/24/2013 at 8:52am - misc - by French - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I'm severely sunburned and can barely walk properly. My boyfriend keeps telling his friends that it's because of "how hard he gave it to me last night". FML

#20936372
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46990) - you deserved it (7569)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:51am - intimacy - by snowwhite (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me over Facebook. Unfortunately, she "accidentally" posted it on my wall instead of sending me a message, so the whole world could see it. My mom liked her post. FML

#20939479
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43721) - you deserved it (2969)

On 10/30/2013 at 7:39pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad came into my room, looked at my laptop, and said he could hear the porn I was watching all the way from his room. I wasn't watching porn. We soon realized it was actually coming from his mobile phone. FML

#20929016
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48371) - you deserved it (3347)

On 10/21/2013 at 3:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom



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