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Friday 25 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

#20933730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58235) - you deserved it (9914)

On 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Dick the Greater (man) -

Today, my boyfriend told me how jealous he gets when I "hang out" with Dylan. Dylan is the 5-year-old boy whom I babysit every day. My boyfriend wants me to stop, because apparently Dylan cockblocks him. FML

#20933884
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47466) - you deserved it (5194)

On 10/25/2013 at 8:49pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, during parent/teacher conferences, my mom told my Chemistry teacher that I have an intense crush on him. There are still 7 months left in the school year. FML

#20930913
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49960) - you deserved it (5114)

On 10/23/2013 at 10:04am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, someone tried to steal my backpack from the hook on the bathroom stall. Good news: they were caught off-guard by how heavy it was and dropped it. Bad news: my foot is now broken from using it to cushion the backpack's fall. FML

Today, I learned where my mom's "special hiding spot" that I'll "never find" for the Halloween chocolate is, when I preheated the oven to make cookies. FML

#20928856
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43970) - you deserved it (4452)

On 10/21/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my husband and I were watching Jurassic Park. At the end of the movie, he commented on how amazed he was that they could "train those dinosaurs" to do exactly what they wanted them to do. FML

#20937890
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50275) - you deserved it (5415)

On 10/29/2013 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I heard my surgeon mutter to a nurse how easy it would be to kill me on the operating table and make it look like an accident. FML

#20940427
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50721) - you deserved it (3404)

On 10/31/2013 at 4:42pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, I decided to get over my lifelong fear of Michael Jackson. I went to have my photo taken with a statue of him. Little did I know, for Halloween week they replace the statues with real people. It jumped out at me; I'm never getting over this fear. FML

#20939955
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45927) - you deserved it (7089)

On 10/31/2013 at 4:41am - misc - by Shady_Soldier - United Kingdom

Today, I was leaving the grocery store when an old woman started yelling at me for not holding the door open for her. She accused me of being "everything wrong with the younger generation". It was an automatic door. FML

#20937007
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47437) - you deserved it (3166)

On 10/28/2013 at 5:53pm - misc - by Greg (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually claimed that his cheating didn't count because A) the other girl is his lab partner, and B) she's overweight. FML

#20933703
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46929) - you deserved it (3667)

On 10/25/2013 at 5:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I finally got to surprise my boyfriend with a birthday cake. I spent four days planning the perfect one. First thing he says? "Erm, you know I'm 32, right?" I got his age wrong. FML

#20937690
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29924) - you deserved it (35073)

On 10/29/2013 at 6:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I had a job interview that I was quite nervous about. During the interview, I struggled to get my words out and the interviewer angrily told me to, "Get on with it." I continued to struggle and was later kicked out for wasting their time. I have a stutter. FML

#20937756
109 comments

Today, my ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months. Afterwards, they had a beer, a long chat, and decided this was my fault and I wasn't worth the drama. FML

#20933266
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46494) - you deserved it (20740)

On 10/25/2013 at 7:54am - love - by what did I do? - Australia (New South Wales)



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