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Friday 25 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I decided to try LSD with a few friends in a safe environment. As an artist, I had planned to spend my trip doing psychedelic paintings and had all my supplies set up. Apparently I spent most of my time in fetal position muttering about the "evil easel" and never even touched my canvas. FML

#20930479
334 comments

Today, I found out my 13-year-old daughter thinks the showerhead got her pregnant. FML

Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML

#20932505
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56149) - you deserved it (3751)

On 10/24/2013 at 4:06pm - misc - by soon to be divorced (man) - United States

Today, I got married. My husband and I had been waiting until marriage to have sex, and when the time came, we started to undress. As I took my bra off, his eyes glazed over, and he fainted. An hour later, all he could say was, "I don't think we're meant to be together." FML

#20936013
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64863) - you deserved it (8579)

On 10/27/2013 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that, although I have the same job title and complete the same work as my male colleagues, I get paid 15% less, purely because I'm a girl. FML

#20939397
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53095) - you deserved it (7707)

On 10/30/2013 at 6:27pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, while working customer service, I instructed a customer to press the pound key on her cellphone. She hesitated a moment before asking, "Um, the pound key? You mean the hashtag, right?" FML

#20941322
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41926) - you deserved it (3890)

On 11/01/2013 at 12:49pm - work - by #isthisthepoundkey? - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I could love anything more than her, and if so, what. I guess "bacon" was the wrong answer. FML

#20936378
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27755) - you deserved it (41106)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:58am - love - by BaconLover - Japan

Today, the kid next to me asked me, in all seriousness, if gay people have feelings like regular people. I'm gay, and I have to sit next to this barnacle until June. FML

#20929195
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49024) - you deserved it (8400)

On 10/21/2013 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old son to the hospital. He'd gone out dressed as some My Little Pony character and encountered someone who'd had the same idea. They then got into a fistfight, and my son got the shit beaten out of him. I wish I'd never bred. FML

#20940283
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42902) - you deserved it (8978)

On 10/31/2013 at 2:27pm - kids - by anna (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, some kid asked me if I was Mexican. After I explained to him that I was actually Venezuelan, he simply snorted and said, "That's the same f*cking thing. If you speak Spanish then you're Mexican." FML

#20939700
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46771) - you deserved it (5317)

On 10/30/2013 at 10:59pm - misc - by Rinelric1998 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML

#20935542
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53547) - you deserved it (5225)

On 10/27/2013 at 11:26am - intimacy - by SharkWeek (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, l grounded my 17-year-old son from his computer because of his terrible attitude towards his homework. As payback, he convinced my 5-year-old daughter that if she goes to sleep, she'll never wake up. I now have a hysterical and sleepless child to deal with. FML

Today, the tickets I bought for my favorite band's concert arrived in the mail. The concert was last night. FML

#20935170
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46437) - you deserved it (4193)

On 10/27/2013 at 12:11am - misc - by MsConfusedd (woman) - United States



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