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Friday 25 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I decided to try LSD with a few friends in a safe environment. As an artist, I had planned to spend my trip doing psychedelic paintings and had all my supplies set up. Apparently I spent most of my time in fetal position muttering about the "evil easel" and never even touched my canvas. FML

#20930479
336 comments

Today, I got married. My husband and I had been waiting until marriage to have sex, and when the time came, we started to undress. As I took my bra off, his eyes glazed over, and he fainted. An hour later, all he could say was, "I don't think we're meant to be together." FML

#20936013
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58224) - you deserved it (6897)

On 10/27/2013 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out my 13-year-old daughter thinks the showerhead got her pregnant. FML

Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML

#20932505
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52710) - you deserved it (3258)

On 10/24/2013 at 4:06pm - misc - by soon to be divorced (man) - United States

Today, I found out that, although I have the same job title and complete the same work as my male colleagues, I get paid 15% less, purely because I'm a girl. FML

#20939397
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49780) - you deserved it (6942)

On 10/30/2013 at 6:27pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old son to the hospital. He'd gone out dressed as some My Little Pony character and encountered someone who'd had the same idea. They then got into a fistfight, and my son got the shit beaten out of him. I wish I'd never bred. FML

#20940283
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38596) - you deserved it (7823)

On 10/31/2013 at 2:27pm - kids - by anna (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, while working customer service, I instructed a customer to press the pound key on her cellphone. She hesitated a moment before asking, "Um, the pound key? You mean the hashtag, right?" FML

#20941322
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39455) - you deserved it (3656)

On 11/01/2013 at 12:49pm - work - by #isthisthepoundkey? - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I could love anything more than her, and if so, what. I guess "bacon" was the wrong answer. FML

#20936378
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25220) - you deserved it (37449)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:58am - love - by BaconLover - Japan

Today, the kid next to me asked me, in all seriousness, if gay people have feelings like regular people. I'm gay, and I have to sit next to this barnacle until June. FML

#20929195
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44535) - you deserved it (7565)

On 10/21/2013 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, l grounded my 17-year-old son from his computer because of his terrible attitude towards his homework. As payback, he convinced my 5-year-old daughter that if she goes to sleep, she'll never wake up. I now have a hysterical and sleepless child to deal with. FML

Today, the tickets I bought for my favorite band's concert arrived in the mail. The concert was last night. FML

#20935170
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43419) - you deserved it (3665)

On 10/27/2013 at 12:11am - misc - by MsConfusedd (woman) - United States

Today, my 19-year-old, long-distance boyfriend told me he wouldn't be able to text me all day because it's too hard to type while in his Spider-Man suit. It's non-negotiable. FML

#20940116
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33442) - you deserved it (13239)

On 10/31/2013 at 10:30am - love - by AML (woman) - United States (New York)



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