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Tuesday 8 October 2013

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Today, I jokingly told my friend that I was the kid who stole his brand new glow-in-the-dark markers back in kindergarten. Now he's ignoring my texts and calls and says we're through. So much for our twelve years of friendship. FML

by markerThief / 10/13/2013 at 12:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my dad to let him know some details for my wedding had changed. It would have been really nice if he had paused the porno I could clearly hear in the background. FML

by hes / 10/15/2013 at 6:10am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my fiancé's best friend, who will be our best man at our wedding, decided to confess his feelings for me and tell me how he's always dreamed of us eloping together. The wedding is going to be awkward. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2013 at 4:16pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was maced. Not by a person, but rather by one of those automatic air fresheners in the bathroom. It was conveniently placed at eye level, you know, for freshness. FML

by erockinthesuburb / 10/15/2013 at 8:38pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML

by secretsmakefriends / 10/15/2013 at 5:43pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time after we made up from a huge fight. He loves my cat, but she's sick right now so she wouldn't play with him. He yelled at me for "making" her not like him by "telling her lies". FML

by littlekellilee / 10/07/2013 at 12:20pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Animals

Today, my financial troubles got so bad, I contemplated visiting a friend simply so I could swipe their deodorant. FML

by moneymoneymoney / 10/08/2013 at 10:34am / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, after almost 2 days, I finally fell asleep, during my husband's vows, on our wedding day, in front of 250 guests. FML

by angryinlaws / 10/12/2013 at 3:23am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my boss told me that my attitude to work is awesome and that he'd follow my example of coming in half-an-hour early every day from now on. I relish those 30 minutes as the only time I can get work done without him constantly interrupting me. So much for that. FML

by Karansuni / 10/14/2013 at 6:38am / Germany / Work

Today, after paying back the money my grandma lent me to fix my car, I stepped outside, only to see my car leaking antifreeze all over the driveway. I had to ask for the money back to fix it again. FML

by broke_broken / 10/11/2013 at 6:53pm / United States (Utah) / Money

Today, my boss brought her cat to work. At one point, I looked up and everyone was staring at me staring at the cat's asshole. FML

by failure / 10/10/2013 at 10:11am / Korea, Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi) / Animals

Today, I finally decided to stand up for myself and quit my crappy job working for my abusive father. I gave him a few insults too, to which he reacted by calling the police and claiming I'd threatened to murder him. I spent three hours in jail before they finally let me go. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2013 at 12:43pm / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML

by jnisla / 10/11/2013 at 6:44pm / United States (South Carolina) / Health