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Tuesday 8 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

#20910543
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45766) - you deserved it (7658)

On 10/07/2013 at 2:11am - misc - by Ashley - United States (California)

Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML

#20919796
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44228) - you deserved it (3275)

On 10/14/2013 at 3:13am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got into a fistfight with a complete idiot wearing a panda outfit. My face now looks like a real panda's. FML

#20916733
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30449) - you deserved it (16060)

On 10/11/2013 at 6:00pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that my brother is adamant that if he records silence, then listens to said silence at full volume, it'll improve the headphones' noise-blocking abilities. I live with a complete idiot. FML

Today, I found out that my phone fits perfectly through the slot between the elevator and the floor. FML

#20921212
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47575) - you deserved it (4420)

On 10/15/2013 at 2:37am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I have to go on a 7-hour-bus ride sitting beside my ex-boyfriend's mother. We broke up because she told him to. FML

#20912397
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47586) - you deserved it (3031)

On 10/08/2013 at 12:04pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother finally informed me that our shower head has an option to make the water only come out of the detachable part. My left leg's been in a cast for 4 months, and the whole time I've had to shower sitting backwards with my leg sticking out the door. He knew. FML

Today, my "friend" came over. I caught him trying to steal my iPod on the way out. Proud of myself for catching him, I asked him to leave, only to realize that I had forgotten to actually take the iPod back from him before he left. FML

#20914586
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40651) - you deserved it (23383)

On 10/09/2013 at 11:03pm - money - by oneiPodlighter (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I jokingly told my friend that I was the kid who stole his brand new glow-in-the-dark markers back in kindergarten. Now he's ignoring my texts and calls and says we're through. So much for our twelve years of friendship. FML

#20918380
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41993) - you deserved it (10232)

On 10/13/2013 at 12:33am - misc - by markerThief (man) - United States (California)

Today, I called my dad to let him know some details for my wedding had changed. It would have been really nice if he had paused the porno I could clearly hear in the background. FML

#20921288
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49663) - you deserved it (4146)

On 10/15/2013 at 6:10am - intimacy - by hes (woman) - United States

Today, my fiancé's best friend, who will be our best man at our wedding, decided to confess his feelings for me and tell me how he's always dreamed of us eloping together. The wedding is going to be awkward. FML

#20921675
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47751) - you deserved it (3071)

On 10/15/2013 at 4:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at my in-laws' house, and as I was walking to the living room I had my hands on the back of my hips supporting my back. My mother-in-law told me to stop because it makes me look pregnant. I'm 9 months pregnant. FML

#20912417
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50353) - you deserved it (3076)

On 10/08/2013 at 12:30pm - misc - by she knows - United States (Hawaii)

Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML

#20915293
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41035) - you deserved it (3351)

On 10/10/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by Lady Douche of Asscrackington (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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