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Tuesday 8 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper. I had to reach into my small trash can and use soiled toilet paper to clean myself. When I went to flush the toilet, I noticed three unused rolls of toilet paper sitting on the counter. FML

Today, my mother kept nagging at me because my 9-month-old daughter only calms down when I play her metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will turn into a "devil-worshipping lunatic like her mother". FML

#20915864
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39884) - you deserved it (4371)

On 10/10/2013 at 11:04pm - kids - by SlapAndTickle - United States

Today, I heard that there was supposed to be a huge blizzard heading our way, so I went out to stock up on groceries. After spending $600 on food, I drove home and packed most of it into the fridge and freezer just in time for our power to go out. FML

#20918430
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38599) - you deserved it (23015)

On 10/13/2013 at 1:23am - money - by hungry (man) - United States

Today, I again failed to convince my girlfriend that the $100 in our account is the minimum amount we have keep there to avoid being charged by the bank. We have a joint checking account, and the only way to take her off it is to close the account outright. FML

Today, being so desperate for money, I accepted a job in which I get shot at with paintballs for 6 hours. FML

#20911674
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39198) - you deserved it (4659)

On 10/07/2013 at 10:08pm - work - by BOHICA123 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing me of always making important decisions for her. All I did was get her some food from Taco Bell as a surprise. FML

#20912485
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52001) - you deserved it (4782)

On 10/08/2013 at 1:57pm - intimacy - by hubby - United States

Today, my fiancée told me she can't marry me. Our wedding day is tomorrow and around 20 of our 180 guests attending have travelled half way around the world just for the occasion. FML

#20918616
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51241) - you deserved it (2746)

On 10/13/2013 at 6:49am - love - by IDon't - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

#20915065
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44060) - you deserved it (14577)

On 10/10/2013 at 11:40am - intimacy - by DisgustinglyFrustrated - Argentina (Santa Fe)

Today, for the first time in months, a woman started flirting with me. She was wearing a sparkly shirt with "Team Edward" written on it. FML

#20915931
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35746) - you deserved it (3685)

On 10/10/2013 at 11:50pm - love - by CreamGravy (man) - Australia

Today, after months of exercise and diets and finally reaching my ideal weight, I told my morbidly obese cousin about my success, hoping to motivate him to do the same. He replied, "Why would it matter, you're still ugly." FML

#20921493
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44179) - you deserved it (4937)

On 10/15/2013 at 1:08pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I have been home sick and depressed for so long that I just found Oreo crumbs in my belly button. FML

#20911052
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33317) - you deserved it (15082)

On 10/07/2013 at 2:55pm - health - by Sadness (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I like. We climbed a tree to watch the sunset, and as the sun went down, I kissed him. He fell out of the tree. FML

#20920034
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45180) - you deserved it (4771)

On 10/14/2013 at 12:02pm - love - by lovehurts - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, some ass-bandit broke into my house by smashing a window, just so he could steal the ancient VHS cassette player that my wife wouldn't let me throw away. Thanks, scumbag, but the front door was unlocked. FML

#20919168
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42118) - you deserved it (3637)

On 10/13/2013 at 5:50pm - money - by and she blames me -_- (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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