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Tuesday 1 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got kicked out of English class shortly after our teacher told us we have to write an essay on how the storyline of Harry Potter is one big allegory for "the futility of socialism." Apparently, reacting with disbelief makes me a "disruptive influence." FML

#20905920
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37294) - you deserved it (3809)

On 10/03/2013 at 12:42pm - misc - by WTF? (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my sex-crazed ex wrote me a letter so bad, it haunts me that I let a guy with such terrible grammar skills touch my boobs. FML

#20903082
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46426) - you deserved it (11594)

On 10/01/2013 at 6:47am - intimacy - by whatdoesitmatter (woman) - India (Tamil Nadu)

Today, while in class, I had to sneeze. Not wanting to make a lot of noise, I held it in, only to instead let out a huge, long fart. Everyone, including the teacher, turned and stared at me intently. FML

#20901889
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45734) - you deserved it (7792)

On 09/30/2013 at 12:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I got a ticket for speeding in a school zone. The school hasn't even been built yet. FML

#20905615
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51751) - you deserved it (9092)

On 10/03/2013 at 2:23am - money - by joecool3426 (man) - United States

Today, I was in a public bathroom with the runs when I noticed my stall didn't have any toilet paper. I was the only one in the bathroom, and I thought I could make it to the stall next to me and grab some with my pants down. I wasn't actually the only one in there. FML

#20901686
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42104) - you deserved it (8805)

On 09/30/2013 at 6:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I got proposed to. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and we have 2 kids. It was perfect, except it was my ex-boyfriend who proposed to me. FML

#20901818
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48917) - you deserved it (5815)

On 09/30/2013 at 10:47am - love - by courtnayy (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

#20908715
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46188) - you deserved it (3901)

On 10/05/2013 at 6:34pm - animals - by animal lover... -

Today, my purse was stolen from my bag while I was on the train. The thief will be surprised to find that it wasn't my money purse, but in fact my "period purse". Hope they find tampons useful. FML

#20906908
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53308) - you deserved it (4552)

On 10/04/2013 at 5:39am - misc - by haveahappyperiod (woman) -

Today, I purposely set my phone off in class to make it seem like I had friends. FML

#20903065
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42858) - you deserved it (16785)

On 10/01/2013 at 6:18am - misc - by :/ -

Today, my boyfriend and I went to one of the United States Mints since he enjoys coins. He looked at the money and seriously said, "I have such a hard on". He did. FML

#20905869
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49436) - you deserved it (5147)

On 10/03/2013 at 11:38am - intimacy - by EconM - United States

Today, my mom started getting ready for the Rapture. FML

#20906662
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36389) - you deserved it (3174)

On 10/03/2013 at 11:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the gym. I tried out a new machine where you do one-arm weightlifting. I took my time to get into a good position, then set the machine to the lowest weight possible. I couldn't even lift it an inch. A bunch of buff guys nearby saw me and burst out laughing. FML

#20907125
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42067) - you deserved it (5755)

On 10/04/2013 at 12:05pm - health - by likeyourboss (man) - Denmark

Today, my dog tore up a single book from the dozens within his reach. That book was titled "How to Train Your Dog". FML

#20907686
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42520) - you deserved it (5476) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/04/2013 at 7:00pm - animals - by iet_Wyrda (woman) - Sent from mobile version



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