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Monday 30 September 2013

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Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML

by Lilly / 10/02/2013 at 8:43am / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, my body-building addiction hit a whole new level when I begged my friend to sell me her breast milk. FML

by DOCMONROE / 09/30/2013 at 6:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend called me a selfish bitch and dumped me after I told him I'm planning on getting much-needed breast reduction surgery. FML

by Ggirl / 10/01/2013 at 3:41pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, at work, I was taking a woman's measurements while she held her screaming baby. To silence the infant, she whipped out her breast right there and started feeding him. Moments later, he puked breast milk all over my desk. FML

by blargh / 10/03/2013 at 1:39pm / Russian Federation (Moscow City) / Work

Today, my teacher was talking about anorexia and bulimia. Midway through the lesson, she stopped and knowingly asked if I wanted to share my experiences with the class. I don't have an eating disorder, just a screwed-up metabolism. FML

by 94lbs of muscle / 10/02/2013 at 2:37pm / Health

Today, I accidentally texted a picture of my cock to my dad. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2013 at 7:36pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML

by loserllamalick / 10/07/2013 at 10:32am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

by Kyra.45 / 10/03/2013 at 6:46pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the doctor's for an ultrasound, as I'm 7 months pregnant. Then he went home and took his wife out to dinner for her birthday. FML

by Cereal_mistress / 10/07/2013 at 2:54pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML

by f.a.t. / 10/04/2013 at 4:20am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, my 6-year-old daughter threw a tantrum in the middle of a store, all because I wouldn't buy her a pushup bra. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2013 at 12:44am / United States / Kids

Today, I told my coworkers that I was going on a date tonight so they would think I have a social life. One of them spotted me while I was eating alone at McDonalds. FML

by CreamGravy / 10/06/2013 at 9:54am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, being so desperate for money, I accepted a job in which I get shot at with paintballs for 6 hours. FML

by BOHICA123 / 10/07/2013 at 10:08pm / United States (Michigan) / Work