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Friday 27 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML

#20904456
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16520) - you deserved it (109266)

On 10/02/2013 at 8:43am - love - by Lilly (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

#20900698
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61266) - you deserved it (25720)

On 09/29/2013 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by -___- (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. She responded by breaking into my place and stabbing my hamster with a fork. FML

#20898181
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66813) - you deserved it (4064)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out this girl I had sex with lied to me. They weren't razor burn bumps. And I now have them. FML

#20898893
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56760) - you deserved it (36436)

On 09/28/2013 at 7:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me a selfish bitch and dumped me after I told him I'm planning on getting much-needed breast reduction surgery. FML

#20903440
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57358) - you deserved it (13960)

On 10/01/2013 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by Ggirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my body-building addiction hit a whole new level when I begged my friend to sell me her breast milk. FML

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

#20895842
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51458) - you deserved it (6302)

On 09/25/2013 at 5:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, at work, I was taking a woman's measurements while she held her screaming baby. To silence the infant, she whipped out her breast right there and started feeding him. Moments later, he puked breast milk all over my desk. FML

#20905964
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39929) - you deserved it (3507)

On 10/03/2013 at 1:39pm - work - by blargh - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner and have to leave in shame. FML

#20899471
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61535) - you deserved it (7222)

On 09/28/2013 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by :( (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I accidentally texted a picture of my cock to my dad. FML

#20907559
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25703) - you deserved it (77850)

On 10/04/2013 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my teacher was talking about anorexia and bulimia. Midway through the lesson, she stopped and knowingly asked if I wanted to share my experiences with the class. I don't have an eating disorder, just a screwed-up metabolism. FML

#20904715
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50942) - you deserved it (2989)

On 10/02/2013 at 2:37pm - health - by 94lbs of muscle -

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

#20906275
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33967) - you deserved it (28962)

On 10/03/2013 at 6:46pm - intimacy - by Kyra.45 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

#20895155
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43973) - you deserved it (4140)

On 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm - work - by littledipper - United States (New York)



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