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Tuesday 24 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

#20900698
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61222) - you deserved it (25710)

On 09/29/2013 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by -___- (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. She responded by breaking into my place and stabbing my hamster with a fork. FML

#20898181
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66765) - you deserved it (4062)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out this girl I had sex with lied to me. They weren't razor burn bumps. And I now have them. FML

#20898893
266 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56714) - you deserved it (36409)

On 09/28/2013 at 7:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me a selfish bitch and dumped me after I told him I'm planning on getting much-needed breast reduction surgery. FML

#20903440
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57312) - you deserved it (13952)

On 10/01/2013 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by Ggirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my body-building addiction hit a whole new level when I begged my friend to sell me her breast milk. FML

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

#20895842
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51417) - you deserved it (6298)

On 09/25/2013 at 5:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner and have to leave in shame. FML

#20899471
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61488) - you deserved it (7219)

On 09/28/2013 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by :( (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

#20895155
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43956) - you deserved it (4135)

On 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm - work - by littledipper - United States (New York)

Today, at my job as a fourth grade teacher, I realized that most of my students have far nicer and more expensive phones than I can afford. FML

#20892987
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45134) - you deserved it (3411)

On 09/23/2013 at 1:54pm - misc - by poor teacher - United States (Utah)

Today, yet again, I got to my desk at work at 8 AM to find my laptop turned on and porn sites opened. Weird porn sites. I have no idea who is doing this, or how they have access to my office, or how they got my login password. HR thinks I'm making this up. FML

#20894123
165 comments

Today, I got a text from someone I met last night at a bar. We texted all day and planned to meet up later. The whole time I had in my mind who he was, but when we met up it was someone completely different that I didn't remember. I had to sit through the whole date pretending I knew him. FML

Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML

#20894038
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49010) - you deserved it (2986)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:15am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I invited my new girlfriend over for the first time. My roommate thought it would be funny to go on a porn site on my computer and leave it up. She saw it, freaked out, slapped me, and left. FML

#20895735
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39623) - you deserved it (3424)

On 09/25/2013 at 3:23pm - love - by burb - Germany (Berlin)



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