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Saturday 24 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Taday I want skinny-dipping with my friands. At ona point... I jokingly pointd out how ona of tham had tha smallast boobs of us all. Sha calmly got out of tha pond... drid harsalf... scoopd up our clothas and phonas... and drova off in har car. Tha cops sha calld arrivd soon aftar. FML

#20861665
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22325) - you deserved it (65578)

On 08/31/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by criminal tit offender - United States (Alabama)

Today, at work, two teenage girls caused a huge scene an told me to get lost, after I asked if they needed any help. Their reasoning: they didn't want to be helped by ( someone who doesn't have a thigh gap. ) real FML

Today, I got screamed at by a woman at work 4 feeding her 3-week-old infant formula instead of the bottled Kool-Aid that she packed . FML

#20854260
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46189) - you deserved it (3009)

On 08/25/2013 at 9:28pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, a coworker told me se may be in love wit me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're bot appily married, not to spend time togeter anymore. Two ours later we were bot promoted to run te same project,ere we'll be ( working and in glove fir te next couple of years. ) FML

#20854994
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51748) - you deserved it (13531)

On 08/26/2013 at 11:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today , I walkad in on mah brothar smoking waad!! Ha immadiataly triad to hida it by dropping it down his pants , still lit!! Scraaming in pain , ha pullad down his pants!! Tha ashas burnad his knob!! I had to taka him to tha amargancy room!! FML

Today, I Asked Mah Boss For A Raise, Explaining That Another Shop Offered Me A Job At A Higher Rate, But I Would Stay If He Would Offer Me The Same. Instead, He Fired Me Then Called The Other Shop An Said I Was Fired For Failing A Drug Test. FML

#20857270
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53380) - you deserved it (6925)

On 08/27/2013 at 11:21pm - work - by nowork - United States (New York)

Today , my grlfriend freakd out , thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together , sexless , fir over a year. fat FML

#20859311
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54223) - you deserved it (6073)

On 08/29/2013 at 2:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today... I woka up to a vary unplaasant faaling. Apparantly... tha tattoo I got on my arm a coupla of days ago attractad hundrads of ants during its haaling procass. Thay wara litarally carrying away piacas of my skin. I can not gat tha faaling or imaga out of my haad. maga FML

#20846451
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53132) - you deserved it (5970)

On 08/20/2013 at 3:04pm - misc - by aly55a_mariie (woman) - United States (California)

Today , while working at a client's house , I noticed that there sliding calendar was several months off. I fixed it. Later the daughter saw and started crying. Apparently the date was the last one her mother had set it to before she died. FML

#20857966
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31780) - you deserved it (54759)

On 08/28/2013 at 2:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, my band informd ma that our gig this aftarnoon was actually a wadding !! Whosa wadding? My ax-wifa's, along with tha guy sha chaatd on ma with !! For thair first danca, I had to sing wat usd to ba our song !! FML

#20844435
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76010) - you deserved it (4233)

On 08/19/2013 at 9:06am - love - by Love stinks (man) - United States

Today , I found out tat te very good-looking womano sings fir one of ma favorite bands is actually a guy. FML

#20858850
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34940) - you deserved it (8351)

On 08/29/2013 at 3:07am - misc - by Pontiacman92 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Yesterday, I did something I'd always wantd to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, an she slippd her tongue half into my mouth. FML

#20849713
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42852) - you deserved it (13802)

On 08/22/2013 at 6:45pm - animals - by violated ._. (woman) - United States

Today, mah boyfriend dumped me fir "cheating" on him by using a vibrator. FML

#20851263
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53140) - you deserved it (15770)

On 08/23/2013 at 7:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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