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Saturday 24 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my friends. At one point, I jokingly pointed out how one of them had the smallest boobs of us all. She calmly got out of the pond, dried herself, scooped up our clothes and phones, and drove off in her car. The cops she called arrived soon after. FML

#20861665
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21285) - you deserved it (62761)

On 08/31/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by criminal tit offender - United States (Alabama)

Today, at work, two teenage girls caused a huge scene and told me to get lost, after I asked if they needed any help. Their reasoning: they didn't want to be helped by "someone who doesn't have a thigh gap." FML

Today, I got screamed at by a woman at work for feeding her 3-week-old infant formula instead of the bottled Kool-Aid that she packed. FML

#20854260
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43856) - you deserved it (2847)

On 08/25/2013 at 9:28pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, a coworker told me she may be in love with me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're both happily married, not to spend time together anymore. Two hours later we were both promoted to run the same project, where we'll be "working hand in glove for the next couple of years." FML

#20854994
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49646) - you deserved it (12859)

On 08/26/2013 at 11:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I walked in on my brother smoking weed. He immediately tried to hide it by dropping it down his pants, still lit. Screaming in pain, he pulled down his pants. The ashes burned his knob. I had to take him to the emergency room. FML

Today, I asked my boss for a raise, explaining that another shop offered me a job at a higher rate, but I would stay if he would offer me the same. Instead, he fired me then called the other shop and said I was fired for failing a drug test. FML

#20857270
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49804) - you deserved it (6251)

On 08/27/2013 at 11:21pm - work - by nowork - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML

#20859311
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48861) - you deserved it (5153)

On 08/29/2013 at 2:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while working at a client's house, I noticed that their sliding calendar was several months off. I fixed it. Later the daughter saw and started crying. Apparently the date was the last one her mother had set it to before she died. FML

#20857966
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28889) - you deserved it (49656)

On 08/28/2013 at 2:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML

#20844435
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73583) - you deserved it (4053)

On 08/19/2013 at 9:06am - love - by Love stinks (man) - United States

Today, I found out that the very good-looking woman who sings for one of my favorite bands is actually a guy. FML

#20858850
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32603) - you deserved it (7934)

On 08/29/2013 at 3:07am - misc - by Pontiacman92 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for "cheating" on him by using a vibrator. FML

#20851263
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47998) - you deserved it (14209)

On 08/23/2013 at 7:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to a very unpleasant feeling. Apparently, the tattoo I got on my arm a couple of days ago attracted hundreds of ants during its healing process. They were literally carrying away pieces of my skin. I can not get the feeling or image out of my head. FML

#20846451
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51330) - you deserved it (5741)

On 08/20/2013 at 3:04pm - misc - by aly55a_mariie (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML

#20849713
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41071) - you deserved it (13189)

On 08/22/2013 at 6:45pm - animals - by violated ._. (woman) - United States



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