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Saturday 24 August 2013

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Today, my barber repeatedly threatened to stab me with scissors while I was getting my hair cut. FML

by oD_Ronan / 08/29/2013 at 3:39am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, a lady cussed me out for not bringing her salad and pizza to her table. She then wanted her money back. I work at a buffet; a self-serve buffet. FML

by pizza girl / 08/30/2013 at 12:33am / United States (Mississippi) / Work

Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. They thought it'd be hilarious to put on ridiculous accents and act like country hicks, spewing obscenities and strongly hinting that we're into incest. She soon left in disgust. I haven't heard back from her since. FML

by >_< / 08/30/2013 at 6:56pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was out jogging. As I took a rest to have a drink of water, a car pulled onto the sidewalk and bumped into me. Not just any car; my dad's car. He then drove away. FML

by FamilyLoving / 08/19/2013 at 12:00pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally received the bicycle I ordered months ago. It was an expensive custom-made bike which perfectly fit my 6'9" frame. Today, that bike got stolen. FML

by tallguy / 08/29/2013 at 9:40am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I addressed my district manager as "Dude." FML

by goodbyepromotion / 08/30/2013 at 2:28am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke down. A police officer stopped and offered to let me and my two year old sit in his car for the A/C. When we got in, I sat her on my lap, and she pulled down my tank top and screamed "Boobies!" right in front of the officer. FML

by embarrassedmom / 08/31/2013 at 7:48pm / United States / Kids

Today, my husband bought me a present for our three year anniversary. It was a pack of 20 cigarettes. I don't smoke. He does. FML

by LizzyJones / 08/20/2013 at 1:38pm / United Kingdom (Derby) / Love

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

by none / 08/22/2013 at 12:27am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, while baking, I was joined by my roommate who doesn't really cook. I was making a batch of dough and she volunteered to help. After showing her how to knead, she really got into it. Afterwards, I asked why she wanted to help. "It really cleans my nails", she said. FML

by 4_and_20_blackbits / 08/26/2013 at 4:38am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend actually had the audacity to try and one-up my suicide attempt story. FML

by seriously? / 08/23/2013 at 3:40am / Miscellaneous

Today, someone took my flatscreen TV at my garage sale because some kid snuck a "free" label onto it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2013 at 12:45pm / United States (Michigan) / Money

Today, I got a steering wheel cover to stop my obsessive steering wheel picking. After putting it on, I realized it was crooked, causing me to have OCD fits every time I drive. I can still pick at the steering wheel around the cover. FML

by anonymous / 08/20/2013 at 3:08am / United States / Health