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Saturday 24 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML

#20856552
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42695) - you deserved it (10356)

On 08/27/2013 at 2:34pm - intimacy - by crier - United States (Virginia)

Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

#20856980
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38370) - you deserved it (2350)

On 08/27/2013 at 8:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I finally received the bicycle I ordered months ago. It was an expensive custom-made bike which perfectly fit my 6'9" frame. Today, that bike got stolen. FML

#20859064
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42393) - you deserved it (3487)

On 08/29/2013 at 9:40am - misc - by tallguy (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I forgot to shut off some pumps before closing the main valves that run to them. Several sirens soon started blaring at a deafening level. I'm new here and nobody else is around. I don't know how to shut the sirens off. FML

#20844606
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34055) - you deserved it (6034)

On 08/19/2013 at 12:00pm - work - by oops (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my spouse asked me if I could transfer some of the passion I have for buffalo wings into our relationship. FML

Today, I met up with my estranged father for the first time in almost 15 years. I saw him again later, while he was robbing my house. FML

Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML

#20850650
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37507) - you deserved it (10096)

On 08/23/2013 at 10:12am - misc - by Demotivation (woman) - Germany

Today, during one of my first days as a teacher, a student stole my phone. FML

#20855620
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39051) - you deserved it (4425)

On 08/26/2013 at 8:22pm - work - by gunnerdog (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after a long couple of months working non-stop, I finally got someone to cover my shift. Turns out she was joking, and when I didn't show up for work, I had been fired. FML

#20859399
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40771) - you deserved it (3125)

On 08/29/2013 at 3:33pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, a lady cussed me out for not bringing her salad and pizza to her table. She then wanted her money back. I work at a buffet; a self-serve buffet. FML

#20859830
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43157) - you deserved it (2339)

On 08/30/2013 at 12:33am - work - by pizza girl - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my husband bought me a present for our three year anniversary. It was a pack of 20 cigarettes. I don't smoke. He does. FML

#20846337
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46619) - you deserved it (7885)

On 08/20/2013 at 1:38pm - love - by LizzyJones - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I asked out the girl who always looks and smiles at me in class. I was surprised when she rejected me until I found out she was actually always looking at the clock behind me, and smiling when class is almost over. FML

#20846650
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42924) - you deserved it (4249)

On 08/20/2013 at 5:37pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

#20848750
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47133) - you deserved it (6476)

On 08/22/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by none - United States (Texas)



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