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Saturday 24 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend and I are on camping vacation. On my way out of the tent, I stepped in a pile of shit. When I told him, he said, "Oh, I couldn't make it to the bathroom last night." The bathroom was a minute walk from our tent. FML

Today, I bid on an item on eBay, only to find the exact item I wanted later while out in the city. I bought it, assuming I would be outbid, as always. Nope. FML

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend and my close family, who were all ecstatic. Then he told his mother. Her reaction? "It better come out looking like him." FML

Today, I found out that my grandma is a well-loved member of a notorious biker gang. Meanwhile, I'm a 32-year-old, single, minimum-wage nobody with no friends to speak of. She's probably getting more action than I ever will. FML

#20860751
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38800) - you deserved it (6288)

On 08/30/2013 at 7:37pm - misc - by no life to fuck :/ (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking down the street when a man stole my purse. He then opened the purse, threw up in it, and gave it back. FML

#20852114
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44393) - you deserved it (3159)

On 08/24/2013 at 10:55am - misc - by cassidy_smith12 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML

#20858152
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38711) - you deserved it (2734)

On 08/28/2013 at 5:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML

#20856004
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35927) - you deserved it (4019)

On 08/27/2013 at 12:36am - kids - by Parenting... (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was fired when a customer called corporate, saying I was unprofessional and rude. The "customer" in question was my little sister, who I would not let buy beer with a fake ID. FML

Today, my wife appropriated our savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis idea of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos. FML

#20860571
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36674) - you deserved it (2995)

On 08/30/2013 at 5:05pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, tired of everyone forgetting my birthday, I traveled half way around the world to spend my 40th at a five star resort just to try and make it special. The hotel brought me a cake with someone else's name on it. FML

#20861368
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46826) - you deserved it (3815)

On 08/31/2013 at 4:16am - misc - by nevercatchabreak - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was driving down a one-way street, when some raging dumbass came screaming the wrong way down the road at me. My instant reaction was to brake and give the guy a chance to do the same. His instant reaction was to keep going and wreck my car. FML

#20853636
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38641) - you deserved it (2645)

On 08/25/2013 at 12:23pm - misc - by hello higher premiums, fuckwad (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, a customer spent ages bitching me out, because he refused to believe he needed to upgrade his computer, which still runs Windows 98, in order to install a modern game for his grandson. He ended up calling my manager and trying to get me fired for scamming him. FML

#20853843
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40140) - you deserved it (2344)

On 08/25/2013 at 3:28pm - work - by what the fuck (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, I announced my engagement. My mother's response was to freak out and demand that I postpone my wedding indefinitely. Why? My younger sister caught the bouquet at a wedding last year, so "she has to get married first!" My sister has been single for 3 years and showers once a week. FML

#20858539
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47882) - you deserved it (2514)

On 08/28/2013 at 10:21pm - love - by marryinghimanyway (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



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