Choose the period

Saturday 24 August 2013

Choose a category


Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2013 at 6:31pm / Isle of Man / Intimacy

Today, I actually had to explain to my husband why his habit of wiping his boogers off into our baby's hair has to stop. FML

by grossedout / 08/29/2013 at 12:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend and my close family, who were all ecstatic. Then he told his mother. Her reaction? "It better come out looking like him." FML

by AtomicDiamond87 / 08/19/2013 at 3:55pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend and I were discussing sports injuries, and I mentioned that I pulled a muscle in my crotch last year. He snorted and called me a clueless idiot because according to him, "girls don't have crotches". He's a med student. I sense malpractice lawsuits in our future. FML

by fucking financial ruin / 08/23/2013 at 2:21pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I was formally diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive tendencies. My mom saw this as an excuse to make me clean the whole house top to bottom, because "Hey, you love to clean." FML

by ocdistheworst / 08/26/2013 at 4:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML

by Parenting... / 08/27/2013 at 12:36am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I suggestively asked my boyfriend to take a shower with me. He got in, washed himself, and got out, ignoring me the whole time. FML

by -.- / 08/24/2013 at 7:54pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my grandma is a well-loved member of a notorious biker gang. Meanwhile, I'm a 32-year-old, single, minimum-wage nobody with no friends to speak of. She's probably getting more action than I ever will. FML

by no life to fuck :/ / 08/30/2013 at 7:37pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, tired of everyone forgetting my birthday, I traveled half way around the world to spend my 40th at a five star resort just to try and make it special. The hotel brought me a cake with someone else's name on it. FML

by nevercatchabreak / 08/31/2013 at 4:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had an asthma attack while in bed with my boyfriend. He interrupted my desperate coughing only to tell me to shut up. He then rolled over to go back to sleep. FML

by Anonymous / 08/31/2013 at 4:52pm / Norway (Akershus) / Love

Today, I was at a "bring your family to work" event. I noticed my coworker brought his kids but not his wife, so I asked, "No wife today?" Everyone glared at me and he pointedly replied that she's married to someone else now. I had no idea. Now everyone thinks I'm an insensitive prick. FML

by insensitive prick / 08/19/2013 at 3:04pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I got my period 2 days early, while being interviewed for my dream job. Let's just say that I don't have very high hopes after walking backwards to the exit door and falling down upon colliding with the wall. FML

by faulty plumbimg! / 08/31/2013 at 8:14am / India / Health

Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML

by DefinitelyNotDogshit / 08/28/2013 at 12:06am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work